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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26856064">Why Did the Chicken...?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/amythis/pseuds/amythis'>amythis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Laverne &amp; Shirley (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 17:20:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>42,177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26856064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/amythis/pseuds/amythis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Laverne goes to Chicago alone but gets unexpected company.  Meanwhile, Shirley gets more from a crush than she ever imagined.  This story ties up some late Season Five threads and eliminates the California years.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Laverne DeFazio &amp; Lenny Kosnowski, Shirley Feeney/Antonio DeFazio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>152</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Other Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny gulped and wondered if he should have some liquid courage first.  He was very shy with girls, unless he knew them really well and/or Squiggy was around.  But he couldn't take his eyes off the girl at the other side of the bar, especially her shapely legs and her neck.  Her hair was up in a fancy style but little tenderills had escaped and his fingers itched to play with them.  Her head was turned, like she was listening to the live band, and he couldn't see her face, but that just intrigued him more.  He hoped she wouldn't be a dog, but maybe that would make this easier.  Then he could just back away and not see this through.
He sighed and told himself to be a man, make Squiggy proud.  Of course, if this didn't work out, he wasn't gonna say nothing to his best friend.</p><p>He slowly made his way to the other end of the bar.  He cleared his throat and said as smoothly as he could,  "Hey, Baby, do you come here often?"  Except, in his nervousness, he left out the word "here."  Once it sank in, he wanted to slink out, never to return.</p><p>Before he could even step away from the bar, the girl turned and said, "Lenny, what are you doin' in Chicago?"</p><p>He stared at her and wanted to ask the same question, but then he saw the tears in her pretty green eyes.  "Laverne!" he gasped.  Then he gave her a handful of napkins.</p><p>She smiled a little.  "Thanks, Len."  She dabbed her eyes with one napkin.</p><p>He imagined all sorts of reasons why she might be alone and crying in a Chicago bar, but he didn't want to let his imagination run too far away before he talked to her.  He leaned in and said into her ear, so he wouldn't have to yell louder than the band, "Why are you crying?"</p><p>She shifted so she could say in his ear, "The song."</p><p>"You're crying at 'Alley Oop'?"</p><p>"No, 'Camelot.'  I went to see the musical tonight."</p><p>"Oh.  Why didn't you see if in Milwaukee?"</p><p>"Well, first of all, it hasn't come to Milwaukee yet.  And second of all, Shirley has been encouraging me to do more things on my own."</p><p>"Oh, OK.  I woulda gone with you if you had wanted company."</p><p>"You like musical theatre?"</p><p>"Yeah, I had a great time when your father took me and Squiggy to see <i>My Fair Lady</i>."  Shirley had hoped to take her visiting mother, but Mrs. Feeney didn't want to go.</p><p>Laverne smiled again.  "I'd forgotten about that."</p><p>Lenny would've been happy to wax neuralgic, but he was still trying to figure out why that song made her cry.  "I thought 'Camelot' was a happy song, about knights and ladies."</p><p>"It is but it's also about things being too good to be true, Happily Ever Afters that turn into Nevers."</p><p>He felt a little like crying himself, but then it always made him sad when she was sad.  To cheer both of them up, he asked, "Hey, you wanna dance?"</p><p>She laughed.  "To this song?"</p><p>"Sure, why not?"  He could think of a half dozen reasons, including that he wasn't much of a dancer.</p><p>"Yeah, OK."  She hopped down from the barstool and walked closer to the band.</p><p>Lenny followed, his eyes inevitably drawn to the way her ass looked as her skirt swished around her.  He wished he could just watch her dance, but that probably wouldn't brighten her mood.</p><p>She got to the very tiny dance floor, which was just the space right in front of the band, with no chairs or tables.  It was also empty of people that night, but Laverne didn't seem to mind as she turned around and smiled at him.  He quickly jerked his eyes up to her face.  Then she crooked her finger at him and beckoned to him.  He got close enough to do the Twist at her.</p><p>Soon she was laughing, but not in a mean way.  He liked making her laugh.  And he liked watching her dance.  She was as good as anybody in <i>My Fair Lady</i>, as good as anyone on <i>American Bandstand.</i>  She really knew how to move that athletic but shapely body of hers.</p><p>"Alley Oop" ended and, without warning, the bar band shifted into Elvis's "Can't Help Falling in Love."  Great, a slow number.  She wasn't gonna wanna slow dance with him, and even if she did, he was already trying hard not to get hard.  But when she held out her arms, he stepped into them.</p><p>She moved one arm up and draped it over his shoulder, while the other rested across the "Lone" of his favorite jacket.  His arms felt as awkward as when his whole body spent most of the 1950s getting longer and longer.  He wanted to hold her as close as he could, but he couldn't give in to that.  So he held her so that he could feel the warmth of her body under her light going-to-the-theater-on-a-summer-night dress, but not so close that she could feel the fever of his body.</p><p>Then she rested her head on his chest, and he could feel a stray tear seeping into his new Hawaiian shirt.  He hoped she couldn't hear his heart babbling <i>I love you, Laverne!  Everything about you!  I remember when you rested against me when your lady parts turned out to not be with child, but you still could've had me if you wanted, because I'm yours for the taking.</i>  And his cock wanted to press against her stomach and start a monologride of its own.</p><p>She sighed contentedly and said, "You hug nice."</p><p>His tongue was tangled in possible words.  All it could manage then was a faint thanks.</p><p>For awhile, he let his ears and mind fill with The King's words of wisdom, even if they were actually written by Hugo Peretti, Luigi Creatore, and George David Weiss.  "...Take my hand, take my whole life, too.
For I can't help falling in love with you."</p><p>At the end of the song, Laverne let go and clapped for the band, so Lenny did the same.  Then she looked him in the eye and said, "You still haven't told me what you're doing in Chicago."</p><p>"Uh, can we go someplace quieter and talk?"</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile in Milwaukee, Shirley was giving herself a beauty treatment.  It was Saturday night and she didn't have a date.  Laverne, on Shirley's encouragement, was out of town, so it wasn't like they could go bowling or something.  Unlike Laverne, she was fine with her own company, and it was good to have some time to herself.</p><p>Laverne would be staying over in Chicago, rather than catching a bus at night.  Shirley missed her a little but she was so proud of her best friend.  This was an important step in independence, for both of them.</p><p>Shirley finished applying the mudpack and turned on the television, avoiding sitcoms, since she didn't want to laugh and crack her mask.  She would've read an improving book, but she was trying not to smear her hand cream.</p><p>She was only a few minutes into a Western when someone knocked.  She knew it wasn't Squiggy, although a grizzled sidekick had just called someone a "low-down, yeller-bellied, hornswogglin' varmint."  Squiggy never knocked.  And Carmine had fallen out of the habit of announcing his arrival with "Rags to Riches," but that didn't sound like his knock.</p><p>"Who is it?" she called, trying to move her face as little as possible.</p><p>"Antonio DeFazio."</p><p>Drat, Laverne's gorgeous cousin!  Why did he have to drop by that night?  When Shirley was alone and had not yet reached the beauty part of her treatment.</p><p>"Laverne isn't here."</p><p>"That's fine.  You're the one I desired to speak with."</p><p>She felt herself blush and then pale beneath her mud.  She knew he didn't mean anything by it.  He thought of her and Laverne as little sisters and seemed unaware of Shirley's crush.  She couldn't help how she felt, since he was so gorgeous and so nice.  And she had an understanding with Carmine, so she figured she was allowed to look, no matter what Mrs. Babish (sort of Antonio's aunt, since she was Laverne's stepmother) thought.</p><p>Shirley was tempted to politely tell Antonio to go away, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings.  Besides, she couldn't help being flattered and curious that he was seeking her out particularly.</p><p>"In that case, please come in," she said.  She could've asked him to give her a moment, but she decided in the end that it didn't matter about her beauty treatment.  It wasn't as if her freshly scrubbed face was his type anyway.  And she was likely too slender and petite, when he probably preferred women who looked like Sophia Loren and Gina Lollobrigida.</p><p>He opened the door and stood uncertainly at the threshold.  "I have come at the wrong time.  You are creaming."</p><p>She was very grateful for the mudpack obscuring her facial expression.  She knew that he wasn't like Lenny and Squiggy, deliberately speaking in innuendos.  It was just that English was his second language and he didn't know the finer points.</p><p>"Don't be silly, Antonio.  It's just a beauty treatment, for softer hands and a smoother complexion."</p><p>Now he looked puzzled.  "But you already have such a pretty, pink face, when you're not wearing mud I mean.  I don't know if your hands are soft, however."</p><p>She longed to hold hands, so he could find out.  But even if she managed to do it in a sisterly way, she'd have to wipe off the hand cream first.  "Well, thank you," she said in acknowledgement of his compliment, even if he meant it in a brotherly way.  "Please sit down."</p><p>He shut the door behind him and came over to sit on the other side of the couch.  He gave her a warm smile.</p><p>"You are so polite."</p><p>"It's really not a big deal, Antonio."</p><p>"No, I mean in the general, you are very nice and considerate."</p><p>"Well, thank you.  So are you."</p><p>He shook his head.  "Sometimes I say the wrong thing without meaning to.  English, she is a tricky mistress."</p><p>Shirley coughed.  "Yes, she can be.  You just need to practice more."</p><p>He beamed. "That's why I'm here! To practice with you."</p><p>"Why me?" she squeaked.</p><p>"You are the best speaker in the neighborhood, your nouns and everything."</p><p>She got to her feet and said, "Please excuse me a moment."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Walking on Eggshells</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne was thankful for the chair and for Lenny taking it.  She did not want to have this conversation in bed with him, although she knew there were definitely other quiet places she could've had him drive to.  Chicago was a big but not entirely unfamiliar city.</p><p>"Francine lives in Chicago," he blurted out as she settled against the headboard.</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"You remember.  Squiggy's short girlfriend with the tall beehive."</p><p>"The one you swallowed the keys to the truck over, so you wouldn't have to drive her home?  The one who called you weird-looking?"</p><p>He waved his hand dismissively.  "We worked all that out.  She fixed me up with her roommate."</p><p>"That's nice?"  Most of the girls Lenny went out with weren't nearly good enough for him, but thankfully none of them stuck around long.</p><p>He shrugged.  "I went out with her, the roommate, tonight.  It was OK."</p><p>"Are you gonna see her again?"</p><p>"Probably not.  Chicago's a long way to go for a girl I ain't crazy about."</p><p>She clucked her tongue and teased, "You're so lazy, Len."</p><p>"Me, lazy?  I'm one of the hardest-working drivers at Shotz!"</p><p>"No, I mean about girls.  You mostly only chase ones in the neighborhood."</p><p>"I don't have to run as far," he said with a leer, "so I have more energy when I catch 'em."</p><p>He was usually only like this around Squiggy.  With her, he could let his guard down, just be real.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, a song popped into her head.  Not one of the songs from that night, but from over a year ago.  With a line about finding a special girl in a basement in your own backyard.</p><p>Lenny teased back, "You ain't exactly goin' after no one who ain't local neither."</p><p>She frowned and said quietly, "I ain't exactly goin' after no one period lately."</p><p>"Because of Randy?" real Lenny said gently.</p><p>She started crying again, damnit.  It'd been four months and she'd have days, weeks, where she was OK, not great but surviving.  Pop said it got easier but it would always hurt.  She understood better now why he had insisted she visit her mom's grave seven months ago.  Grief was too heavy a burden to carry alone.  She was grateful to Shirley for going with her to the cemetery, but she was even more grateful to Lenny for talking her into and through facing that old but eternal grief.</p><p>He now bolted from the desk chair to kneel at the side of the bed.  He fumbled in the pocket of his jeans for the crumpled stack of cocktail napkins he'd offered her a half hour earlier.  He held them out to her, as if they could soak up all her grief.</p><p>She again took just one, because it wasn't like she was sobbing, even in the privacy of the motel room.  "Thanks, Len."</p><p>He nodded and wiped his own eyes with another napkin.  Mrs. Babish once told her this was called "empathy," kinda like sympathy but instead of just feeling for another person, you felt what they were feeling.  "Everybody has it, yes, even Squiggy, but Lenny is one of the most empathetic people I've ever met.  And, Honey, he really has it with you.  He feels what you feel: joy, sorrow, amusement, frustration, everything."</p><p>Laverne had frowned.  "You make us sound like identical twins."</p><p>"Not at all.  You two are very different and sometimes he's going to see things very differently than you.  But when he's tuned in to you, he's really tuned in."</p><p>Laverne hadn't known if Edna was warning her or just making an observation.  It wasn't like Laverne asked for Lenny to have this weird connection to her.</p><p>She now said, "I guess, yeah.  I think that's why Shirley is pushing me to do more stuff on my own.  'Cause part of me wants to just hide away and not go anywhere except work, home, and the Pizza Bowl."</p><p>"Where else is there?" he joked, at least she hoped he was joking.</p><p>"And the other part of me wants to go a little wild, try to blot out the pain."</p><p>"Is that why you were in the bar?"</p><p>"I just had one beer, and I went in there to kill time after <i>Camelot</i>."</p><p>"Kill time?"</p><p>"Yeah, it was about halfway between the theater and this motel, and I saw they had live music.  So I figured it was better than coming straight here and watching TV by myself."</p><p>He glanced over at the set and asked, "Is it color?"</p><p>"No, Len."</p><p>"Well, that's OK.  Neither is the set you won dancin' with Richie Cunningham."  He stood up and looked like he was going to go turn this set on.</p><p>"Lenny, I didn't come all the way to Chicago to spend the night doin' somethin' I could've done back in Milwaukee."</p><p>He looked down at her.  "Then what do you wanna do?"</p><p>She hesitated and then patted the mattress.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>As Antonio waited for Shirley to return, he thought about the boys' advice, asked for separately.  They knew all about women, especially American women.  Antonio got a lot of female attention because of his looks, but he was actually very shy with girls he liked.  Well, he could talk with them, but he couldn't flirt.</p><p>Lenny, who was very shy himself sometimes, said, "The important thing is to find someone you like and have stuff in common with, and then, well, be a good friend and be patient.  But don't live like a monk while you're waitin'."</p><p>Squiggy's initial advice was, "Get her drunk.  It lowers habitations."</p><p>"No, no, this is a nice girl."</p><p>"So you ain't tryin' to get in her panties?"</p><p>"Not before marriage."</p><p>"Oh.  I ain't much of a expert on nice girls.  Is she a smart nice girl or a dumb one?"</p><p>"Definitely a smart one."</p><p>"Then get her to teach you somethin' she knows better than you.  It'll flatter her Eggos, and at least your brains will get somethin' off her."</p><p>Shirley Feeney knew many things better than Antonio did, but the thing that he most wanted to know was English conversation.  Yes, it would help him talk to girls, especially her, but others if she did not return his feelings.  And he knew it was a gateway to greater success in every part of America, particularly work.  How could he get a promotion at the zoo and someday support a family if he had to worry about miscommunication?</p><p>The best part about practicing English with her was simply that he'd get to spend time with her, talking with her.  Maybe not alone like that night, as he had lucked into.  (Or was it lucked out?)  But even with others around, it would give them a special connection.  And if they ended up just being friends, well, that was not a bad thing, because he knew she was also very good at friendship.</p><p>He did not ask Carmine for advice, although Carmine as well knew a lot about women, different things than their upstairs neighbors.  Antonio knew that his roommate had dated Shirley off and on since high school, while both dated other people.  It would be awkward to talk to Carmine about Antonio's feelings for Shirley before Antonio knew Shirley's feelings for himself.  If she did like him in that special way, they would have to talk to Carmine, separately, but if she did not, Antonio knew she would be kind and keep his secret.</p><p>"Well, what shall we talk about?"</p><p>He couldn't help smiling as she reentered the room.  She had washed off the mud and hand cream, taken the toilet paper curlers out of her hair, and changed out of a robe and pajamas and into a cute blue dress and scarf.  She was so pretty, but in an approachable way.</p><p>"Well?" she prompted.</p><p>"You look very nice."</p><p>"Thank you but I meant, what topic do you want to start with?"</p><p>"Oh.  How about animals?"</p><p>Now she smiled, showing the dimple in her right cheek.  This was the thing they most had in common, a love of animals.    Antonio was not only an assistant zookeeper but a former goatherd.  And Shirley loved all sorts of animals.  Well, dogs in particular, but birds and horses and many others.  They shared stories of animals they'd known, or seen in movies or on television.  She even told him how her favorite stuffed animal got its name.</p><p>"...My mother always called my pouts 'boo boo faces.'  And sometimes when I pouted, I'd cuddle with this plushy."  She patted the cat's black head.  "So he became Boo Boo Kitty."</p><p>"So it is a boy cat?"</p><p>"Yes, that's how I always thought of him, even before I thought much about the differences between boys and girls."</p><p>"I learned early on that the lady goats, ninnies I think you say in English—"</p><p>"Nannies."</p><p>"Yes, right.  The nannies are the ones who give the milk."</p><p>"I want to thank you for your generous gift by the way."</p><p>"It is my pleasure to bring you milk."  Wisconsin was a dairy state but the dairy of cows, not goats, so it was a challenge to find goat's milk, especially in a city.  But Antonio had learned not to be easily discouraged and he discovered a goat farm not too far outside the city limits.  He bought some for himself and some for his friends in the basement.  Carmine and Laverne did not care for it, she after accidentally combining it with Pepsi Cola, but Shirley had a healthier diet, and she had quickly drunk the rest.</p><p>"You're so thoughtful, Antonio."</p><p>"I like to be full of thoughts of you."</p><p>She blushed and he wondered if he had said too much, or in the wrong way.  Then she put her hand on his arm and softly said, "I like to think of you, too."</p><p>His arm hairs were tingling and he wondered if he should ask what she thought about him or if he was supposed to go first.  Then the phone rang.</p><p>She lifted her hand and said, "Excuse me a moment.  That might be Laverne."</p><p>He thought but didn't say that whoever it was that would call at such a delicate moment must have the insensitivity of a goat's intestines.  And as soon as Shirley lifted the receiver, Antonio could hear, even from over on the sofa, a familiar deadpan hello coming through the telephone line.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Spring Chickens</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny stared down at the sweet, little, but strong hand that had patted the mattress.  After all these years of chasing Laverne, did he just have to roundelay with her in the Windy City?</p><p>"Well, Len?"</p><p>He coughed.  "What exactly are you offerin'?"  Usually with girls, including her, he just took as much as they'd let him, but this time he wanted to know before they got started.</p><p>"Making out?" she said, as if she wasn't sure what she was including in that.</p><p>He could work with that.  It was more than hugging and less than voe-dee-oh-doe.  All he'd gotten off Francine's roommate Sandra was a handshake, so this would be an improvement, even if hadn't been with Laverne.  He went back to the chair so he could take off his motorcycle boots.  He hadn't before because he didn't know how long she'd let him stay.  He still didn't expect to stay the night, but he figured if he got in late, he'd let Squiggy think he got lucky with Sandra.</p><p>Laverne meanwhile rearranged the pillows for maximum comfort, wet her lips, and hummed "Camelot."  He considered making a crude pun on the title but resisted.</p><p>He stood up and returned to the bed, this time slouching next to her.  They smiled at each other, and then she stroked his cheek.  It was the one she kissed after slapping the other one a year and a half ago.  He hadn't even come on to her then.  He was just a little too honest about how she might hate her mother.  They forgave each other, and that had been one of the sweetest kisses he ever got.</p><p>She now said, "You're a good friend, Len."</p><p>He frowned.  "Just a friend?"</p><p>"Why do you always gotta label things?"</p><p>"It's like at the brewery."</p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"You worked in labelling.  You know that people need to know what they're getting."</p><p>"OK, you're getting a good friend who's willing to make out with you.  That enough?"</p><p>"It's plenty."</p><p>She chuckled.  "Great."  Then she puckered up and planted one on his mouth.</p><p>Laverne was a great kisser.  Lenny knew this from personal experience, although less than he'd like, but he also knew it from watching the reactions of some of the other guys she kissed.</p><p>First of all, she enjoyed kissing.  You could just tell.  Some girls acted like it was a chore or at least a favor, but Laverne acted like there was almost nothing she'd rather do.</p><p>Secondly, while she could do innocent little kisses, she could also make kissing seem real dirty, in a good way.  He'd had screws that made him feel less rocked to his socks than the kiss she gave him after he treated her to a fancy restaurant.  She didn't even have to use her tongue to get to him, although he hoped she would that night.</p><p>Lastly, she was a great kisser because she was Laverne, and Lenny thought that almost everything she did she did well, from dancing to bottle-capping, from pitching softball to pitching woo.  Anything she couldn't do was something she didn't need to do.</p><p>Not that Lenny was this analytical as her lips touched his in the Chicago motel.  His brain was functioning more on the level of <i>Kiss her back!</i></p><p>Their lips puckered and slid and molded to each other.  Then she caught his lower lip between her teeth, not biting but just pressing her teeth enough that he could feel them.  His tongue responded by darting forward to better taste her lips.</p><p>Her mouth opened for him, like a flower, like a pussy.  He reshaped his own to better fit her.  His tongue was grateful for this chance to explore uninterrupted, to drink in the taste of her.</p><p>Her tongue took and gave pleasure, teasing and pleasing.  It would lick his gums and then glide along the surface of his tongue, tasting his tasting.  Eventually though, came the tongue-humping, wrapped and wrestling and hugging.  And his tongue wouldn't come, so he could do this all night, or at least as long as she'd let him.</p><p>But he wouldn't have been Lenny— young, male, horny, in love— if he hadn't tried for more.  His hands wanted in on the action, so one played with her ringlets, while the other untied one of her spaghetti straps.  He kinda hoped she'd be distracted by the smooching, but she firmly grasped the more mischievous hand.  He waited for the "Lenny, no" that came when he tried for too much.  Instead, she plunged their joined hands into her cleavage, and he felt like his brain was bursting into flames.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Shirley could hardly hold back her irritation on "What do you want, Squiggy?"  She was trying to show Antonio her nicest side, but Squiggy brought out the worst in her, even from a distance.</p><p>"I need you to come over to Dead Lazlo's Place."</p><p>"Number one, you know you're not supposed to call it that anymore, and number two, I'm never setting foot in there again."</p><p>"But there's a bunch of guys at Frank's Diner that miss 'Betty,' and you can make a lot of tips."</p><p>"No, thank you."  There wasn't enough money in the world that could make her return to the restaurant where she'd been pinched and grabbed by customers as she tried to be a waitress and make a success of Lenny's dubious inheritance.  Laverne said it was a much nicer environment since her father bought the diner and got his long-time cook Tony to manage it, but Shirley had absolutely no interest in confirming this.</p><p>"Well, OK, how about we put Laverne in a Shirley Feeney wig and pass her off as Betty's sister?"</p><p>The reasons against this were too numerous to list, so she just went with, "Laverne happens to be in Chicago tonight."</p><p>"Chicago, huh?  Interesting."</p><p>She did not want to know why his twisted little mind found that interesting, so she said, "Yes, Chicago.  And if you don't mind, I have plans tonight."</p><p>"Oh, I don't mind."</p><p>"Goodnight, Squiggy."</p><p>"Goodnight, Shirl."  For some reason, he chuckled when he hung up.</p><p>She replaced the receiver and smiled at Antonio.  "Sorry about that."</p><p>He didn't smile back.  "I'm interrupting your plans."</p><p>"No, my plans are about you."</p><p>Now he smiled.  "Oh?"</p><p>Blushing, she returned to the couch.  "We can practice conversation some more."</p><p>"Oh, yes."</p><p>They sat in awkward silence, until she said, "I used to want to be a goatherdess when I was a little girl."</p><p>"You did?"</p><p>"Yes, I loved the Shirley Temple movie <i>Heidi</i>."</p><p>"Grandfather! Grandfather!" Antonio's imitation was disconcertingly accurate.</p><p>"That's the one.  I wanted to live in the Swiss Alps and grow up to marry Peter, the boy goatherd."  She stopped, wondering if she had gotten too personal.</p><p>"Switzerland is very beautiful."</p><p>"Oh, you've been there?"</p><p>"Yes, it's not far from Florence."</p><p>"I've never been outside America, except for Moose Jaw, Canada and Near Mexico."</p><p>"Near Mexico?"</p><p>"It's not as exotic as it sounds."</p><p>"When I've saved more money, I want to see America, not just Wisconsin."</p><p>She sighed wistfully.  "That sounds nice."</p><p>"Maybe we could see it together."</p><p>"We?"</p><p>"Uh, yes, me, Uncle Frank, Aunt Edna, Cousin Laverne, and you."</p><p>"Your other honorary little sister."  She tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone.</p><p>"No, that's not how I think of you."</p><p>"How do you think of me?"</p><p>She knew very little Italian, but even if she couldn't have guessed the meaning of "Ho sentimenti romantici per te" from his tone, the tender kiss he gave her lips was translation enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Before They're Hatched</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne didn't know exactly how far she wanted to go with Lenny, but below the neck and above the waist seemed reasonable.  She already knew he was a good kisser, although they'd never done it so thoroughly or so long.  And he'd touched her chest before, during "double makeouts," when Squiggy would barely get past the socks in Shirley's bra, but the boys would just grab what they could, sometimes in the dark, before the girls slapped them.  It was a game that dated back years and everyone knew the rules.  Tonight was different because they had plenty of time and privacy, and she was almost as interested as Lenny was.</p><p>He gasped and shivered when she led him into her cleavage.  "Oh, Laverne!"</p><p>"You like 'em?"</p><p>"Uh huh!"  His hand carefully moved between the bodice of her dress and her strapless bra.  This time he was savoring, not just grabbing.</p><p>She tingled at the surprising delicacy of his touch.  Part of her wanted him to grab them, and part of her liked being gently teased.</p><p>Then the hand slipped under her bra and lightly caressed both breasts.  "Mmm, so soft, Laverne."</p><p>"Lenny!" she cried out, surprised by her desire.</p><p>He grinned at her and grazed one nipple, which sprung to his attention.  "Except here."</p><p>She bit her lip, trying to hold everything in.</p><p>"I'm gonna need both hands for this," he said, as his other hand peeled down her dress.  Then he scooted down the bed until his feet dangled off.  "And both lips."</p><p>"Oh, Lenny!"</p><p>He reached around and unhooked her bra, as his face nuzzled her chest.  "Such pretty tits on such a pretty girl," he murmured.</p><p>"Thank you," she whispered, stroking his blond hair, not minding the grease any more than she'd minded it on Fonzie years ago.  He didn't have Fonzie's confidence or skill, but he made up for that in affection and enthusiasm.</p><p>He stroked a breast in each hand, while he kissed and then licked up and down her cleavage.  His palms cupped her as his long fingers teased her nipples, first lightly tapping them and then rocking them a little.</p><p>"Does it matter which one I kiss first?"</p><p>"Nah, they both like it," she managed to say.</p><p>He started with the left, as she had somehow known he would.  He'd want to get as close to her heart as he could, while she was letting down her guard some that night.  At first his kisses there were light and hesitant, and she didn't know how much was sweetness and how much was nervousness.</p><p>"That's nice, Len," she said softly.</p><p>He looked up at her and started to read her face, changing his kisses to match her reactions.  And when he couldn't look up, as when he focused on the nipple, he clearly listened for her words and sounds, as her hand guided him where necessary.  She knew she was training him, to please her and other girls, whatever his experience at that point.  He seemed happy to be trained, but she also thought he was feeling what she was feeling, or he was trying to.  Most of her boyfriends had not been empathetic, quite the opposite, and Laverne wasn't sure how she felt about this.  She felt exposed in a way she wasn't used to, and with someone she still didn't fully trust.</p><p>But it was in her nature to let her body take over from her mind, so she lost herself for awhile in the pleasure Lenny brought her.  When he began to suck that breast, she even let herself gasp and then moan the first syllable of his name.</p><p>It wasn't until he moved his other hand between her thighs that she felt obliged to say, "Lenny, no."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Anthony moved his head enough to not only stop kissing Shirley's sweet lips but to try to read her pretty blue eyes.  She had kissed back, so he knew she didn't think of him as just a friend, but he didn't know if he was rushing things.  After all, nice girls didn't necessarily kiss on the first date, and this wasn't even a date.</p><p>She smiled at him.  "I'm glad I asked."</p><p>This time she initiated the kiss, and nice girl or not, she proved to have both skill and enthusiasm.  He was startled, because he honestly hadn't expected either.  He'd thought he'd have to train her to kiss well, and perhaps someday to perform her wifely duties.  Of course, he was not fully experienced himself, despite many offers over the years, but he knew it was the man's role to patiently teach his woman her role.</p><p>Was it possible that, despite what Carmine and others seemed to think, Shirley was not a nice girl?  Well, she was nice in the sense of sweet, but English was tricky with words like that.  Even innocente, innocent, did not capture his meaning, since she was naïve but perhaps not untouched.</p><p>And did it change things if she had a past?  Well, yes, she was twenty-four, hardly a young girl, and he knew Carmine was not the only man she dated, so of course she had a past of some sort.  But was she, well, was she una vergine?  And if not, did that change how he felt about her, how he should treat her?</p><p>It was hardly something he could ask her this early on.  He decided to enjoy the kiss for its own sake and worry about its meaning later.  There was much to enjoy, especially when her tongue lapped delicately at his lips, like a cat drinking milk.  His own darted out to meet hers.  Their lips and tongues danced together for awhile, before their mouths opened and the rules and roles changed again.</p><p>When she sucked on his tongue, he thought it was a clear signal.  He moved both hands onto her chest and squeezed through her clothes.</p><p>To his great surprise, she pulled away and said, "I think you'd better go home now."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Choke the Chicken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny knew he was pressing his luck going below the waist, but it still counted as making out, right?  And maybe he'd gotten her excited enough to let him at least finger her.  He'd thought he'd been reading her right, but then came her no.</p><p>He tried not to whine as he looked up at her flushed olive face, met her glazed green eyes, and asked, "Why not?"</p><p>"Because, because I have to stop you before it's too hard to stop."</p><p>"Why do we have to stop?"</p><p>"Can you come up here so we can talk?"</p><p>"Sure."  He scooted up so that his head rested on the other pillow. To his disappointment but not surprise, she yanked up her dress, covering those beautiful tits again.</p><p>"Can you imagine what would happen if we went all the way?"</p><p>He closed his eyes, grinned, and started to imagine it in vivid detail.  She poked him in the stomach and the vision faded away as he opened his eyes.</p><p>"I mean after."</p><p>Now he pictured them falling asleep wrapped around each other.</p><p>"Len, I know you.  You would want it to lead somewhere.  Going steady or, or something even more serious.  And I, I just can't."</p><p>This time, instead of asking why not, he whispered, "Because of Randy?"</p><p>"Kind of."</p><p>"Is it because you don't got that special feeling for me?"</p><p>"I don't know, Len.  I'm still kind of a mess these days, and it wouldn't be fair to either of us to start something."</p><p>"But you made out with me."</p><p>"I'm sorry I led you on."</p><p>"Nah, you were honest about it from the start.  I'm sorry I pushed it."</p><p>She put her hand on his stomach again, this time to caress it.  "I had fun, Len."  Then she seemed to realize how close her hand was to his erection, since Little Lenny still had his hopes up.  She moved her hand up to his shoulder.</p><p>"Me, too," he said quietly, as if it weren't obvious.</p><p>"But I think you should go home now."</p><p>"I could sleep in the chair and drive you home in the morning."</p><p>"Thanks, Len, but I don't trust either of us.  I'll get the bus like I planned."</p><p>He nodded and swallowed.  "Can I use the can before I leave?"</p><p>"Yeah, it's a long drive back to Milwaukee," she said as if she didn't know exactly why he needed the bathroom.  But as soon as he shut the door behind him, he heard the television go on.</p><p>He let himself breathe her name as he imagined doing what he wanted to do to her, in vivid detail.  And when he imagined what he wanted her to do to him, he came harder than he ever had over her before.
</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Shirley didn't want to tell him to go take a cold shower or anything else she would've said to Carmine in this situation.  It wasn't just that she thought something might get lost in the translation.  It was also that, although things were moving quickly with Antonio, she could imagine them moving even faster.  And part of her wanted that.  But it wasn't like they were going steady.</p><p>He took her hand and kissed it.  "Forgive me, Cara Mia!  I am swine!"</p><p>"No, Antonio, it's fine," she said, then winced at the unintentional rhyme.  "We both got a little carried away."</p><p>"You're not mad? I mean furious, not crazy."</p><p>"No, not at all.  It's just, well, we're not even dating."</p><p>"Would you like me to court you?"</p><p>That sounded deliciously romantic in an old-fashioned way.  "Yes," she murmured.</p><p>"Then I know what I must do." He kissed her hand again and stood up.</p><p>"Antonio?"</p><p>"I'll be back as soon as I can."</p><p>She waited up for him until she got too sleepy.  She expected him to return with a bouquet of roses or something equally romantic.  But his cousin was back long before he was.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Flown the Coop</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne was eating a bologna sandwich when Carmine came over Sunday afternoon.  Breakfast had come out of vending machines at the bus station in Chicago, but she hadn't been that hungry, so the Pepsi, chips, and candy had been enough.  She didn't have a hangover, since she'd only had the one beer and she used to win drinking contests.  But there was guilt and confusion hanging over her.</p><p>Should he have done less with Lenny?  More? She'd tossed and turned after she gave him a quick hug goodbye last night.  In the end, she decided that the fact that she didn't know what the right thing was meant that it was at least good they hadn't gone further.  And if they d gone too far, well, they'd just have to live with it and try not to let it change their friendship too much.</p><p>When she got home, she'd been able to answer Shirley's "How was Chicago?" with stories from <i>Camelot</i> and sights that she'd seen.  She hadn't mentioned the bar with the cover band or anything after that.  Shirley said she had just had a quiet night in, doing a beauty treatment and watching television.</p><p>She was now doing her nails, since she couldn't when she was creaming her hands.  Laverne felt the comfort of routines, her own and Shirley's, after her little adventure out of town.  And she just smiled to herself when Shirley said, "I'm so proud of you, Vernie, for taking on Chicago on your own."</p><p>Carmine definitely didn't sing "Rags to Riches" or even do his special knock.  He actually pounded on the door and yelled, "You girls in there?" He sounded more worried than angry.</p><p>"Come in, Carmine," Shirley called.</p><p>He looked around after he entered, then he asked, "You two seen Antonio?"</p><p>"No, I just got back from Chicago about an hour ago."</p><p>"Is he missing?" Shirley sounded more worried than Laverne was, but she was a mother hen to everyone she cared about.</p><p>"Well, he wasn't home when I got back from my, um, private dance lesson last night.  And he was still gone when I woke up."</p><p>"Maybe he's at church," Laverne suggested, getting up from the table with her plate and standing by the half-wall between the kitchen and living room.  Antonio was much more devout than she was.</p><p>"Nah, I checked with Father Gucci and he hasn't seen him since last Sunday."</p><p>"I saw him last night," Shirley said quietly.  "Antonio I mean, not Father Gucci."</p><p>They both looked at her in surprise, Laverne more than Carmine.  Not that Antonio dropping by was that big a surprise, but it was funny that Shirley hadn't mentioned it and she'd made it sound like she'd been completely alone.</p><p>"You did?" Carmine said, stepping down into the living room.</p><p>"Yes, he came over for a chat, to practice his English, but he didn't say anything about going anywhere."</p><p>Laverne was even more intrigued, but she didn't want to pry, at least not in front of Carmine.</p><p>"Yeah? Well, he didn't leave me a note."</p><p>Although Laverne was starting to worry, or at least wonder, she said, "He's a grown man, not a helpless little child."</p><p>"Hello."</p><p>She looked automatically to see if Lenny was with Squiggy.  He was, looking self-conscious and guilty in a way that drew Carmine's attention.</p><p>"Lenny, do you know where Antonio is?"</p><p>Now Lenny looked startled, probably at being asked about a different DeFazio than he was thinking about.  "Me? No, I was in Chicago."</p><p>"Chicago!" both Carmine and Shirley exclaimed.</p><p>Then Carmine said, "Laverne, weren't you in Chicago?"</p><p>"Yeah, I went to see <i>Camelot</i>.  By myself."</p><p>She might've been able to brazen it out if Lenny hadn't cried, "And I was on a date!  With a girl you've never met!"  He was such a bad liar, he couldn't even tell a half-truth convincingly.</p><p>Squiggy smiled slyly and said, "Yeah, it's a complete coaccident that they was in Chi-Town at the same time.  And it's got nothin' to do with why Antonio left town."</p><p>"Left town?!" Laverne exclaimed, even though she had also left town that weekend.  At least she had come back, and she hadn't left without telling anyone.  Well, Antonio had apparently told Squiggy.</p><p>"You know where he is?  Why didn't you say so?"  Carmine demanded.</p><p>"Because you asked Lenny, not me."</p><p>"So where is he?" Carmine asked impatiently.</p><p>"California."</p><p>"California?!" Laverne and Carmine echoed.  In her case, she'd have been less surprised if he'd gone back to Italy.  Shirley looked more puzzled, as if trying to figure something out.  And Lenny looked as if he was still trying not to blurt out that he'd gone to second base with Laverne.</p><p>"Yeah," Squiggy said, coming over to sit on the couch next to Shirley.  Laverne, Carmine, and Lenny continued to stand where they were.  Squiggy picked up the bottle of Sapphire Safari Shirley had set down.  He started to do his nails as he told his story, but no one stopped him because they were all stunned to varying degrees.  "Well, since he left around midnight, he's probably only as far as Iowa or Nebraska.  But he did want to get to California as soon as he can, even if he did have to go by bus."</p><p>Laverne thought of how if he'd waited longer, she might've run into him at the Milwaukee station.</p><p>"Why did he run off to California?" Carmine asked.</p><p>"So he could be with Shirley."</p><p>Shirley put her hands to her mouth, seeming to forget about her own polish.</p><p>"So he could be with Shirley," Carmine repeated in deeper confusion.</p><p>"Yeah, see, I'm basically Antonio's best friend in America and I've been sharin' my wisdom about women. I shoulda known the smart nice girl he liked was Shirley, but my advice musta worked cause he made out with her last night."</p><p>"He did?" Carmine's hands balled into fists, even though Laverne had a pretty good idea what happened during his "private dance lesson."</p><p>"Yeah, but when he got too fresh, she pointed out they wasn't even dating, so he figured he should get her old man's permission."</p><p>"To make out?" Lenny couldn't help saying, and then he shot Laverne a glance that said <i>Should I go ask your pop for permission? </i> Her look back said <i>No, Len, not all the DeFazios require that.</i></p><p>"No, Stupid, to marry her."</p><p>"Marry her?!" Laverne, Lenny, and Carmine gasped.</p><p>Shirley murmured, "He said he wanted to court me."</p><p>"Well, his English ain't great, but he told me he's nuts about you and wants to make you his goatherdess."</p><p>"Oo, he's gonna keep goats in his apartment?" Lenny said.  He came over and clapped Carmine on the shoulder.  "You're so lucky!"</p><p>Carmine twisted away.  "I wouldn't live with him if he was married."</p><p>"Oh," Lenny said as if it had never occurred to him he'd have to leave Squiggy if he ever found a bride.</p><p>Laverne shook her head and came over to sit on what she thought of as Lenny's arm of the couch.  "Shirley's mother is the one who lives in California.  Her father's out to sea."</p><p>"I told him that, so he figured her mother's blessing is easier to get." Squiggy examined his nails.  "I don't know, I don't think this shade is me." He stood up.  "Len, we'll have to get out the lighter fluid."</p><p>Lenny nodded as if he weren't listening and he followed Squiggy out, casting a longing look at Laverne from the doorway.</p><p>Carmine didn't notice because he was looking at Shirley with his arms crossed.  "You're gonna marry Antonio?"</p><p>Laverne expected her roommate to tell Carmine not to be ridiculous, but Shirley put the cap back on the nail polish bottle and said, "I can marry whomever I please, no matter what you say, Carmine Ragusa."</p><p>Carmine uncrossed his arms and flung them in the air in frustration and disbelief.  Then he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.</p><p>Laverne shook her head. "What is it with you and my male cousins?"</p><p>Shirley stood up.  "What is it with <span class="u">you</span> and your male cousins?"</p><p>Laverne blushed, thinking of how she'd played doctor with Anthony twenty years ago and ogled Antonio when she first saw him, although in her defense she didn't know that the muscular guy with dark curly hair sleeping on her couch was her cousin.  Oh, and she went to prom with Uncle Fungee's son, but it wasn't like they slow-danced or made out.</p><p>Still, she would've rather discussed what Shirley called "smut with relatives" than what she had and hadn't done with Lenny in Chicago.  So it was a relief when Shirley said, "I don't think this shade suits me either," and went into the bathroom.</p><p>Laverne did want to know what the hell was really going on with Shirley and Antonio, but it could wait until she finished her sandwich.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile in Nebraska, Antonio yawned as he rested his head against the bus window.  Not that Nebraska was boring, but he hadn't got much sleep last night.  After he left Shirley's apartment determined to get her father's blessing, he realized he didn't know anything about her family.  So he went to his uncle's diner, in search of Squiggy.</p><p>He found his chum in a waitress uniform and an auburn bobbed wig, going by the name of Hedy.  He had to wait until the shift was over before they could talk.  First, Squiggy had explained the lingering popularity of "Betty" and how he'd hoped for a percentage of Shirley's tips if he could lure her back.  "...Then I thought why not cut out the middle woman and get all the tips myself?"</p><p>"But you have to dress as a woman."</p><p>"Yeah, and my girdle is killin' me.  But it's worth it."</p><p>Antonio had managed to steer the conversation to Shirley's other good qualities besides gracefully carrying around plates of hot food.  He told Squiggy about his evening, disappointing his friend by not going into detail about the liberties he took with Shirley.  He concluded with his realization that he could marry a girl who told him no the way she did, that he should marry a girl like that. Then he asked Squiggy how to get in touch with Shirley's father, and his pal explained her family situation.</p><p>Antonio considered talking to Shirley's brothers, who all, with the exception of the one who was at sea like their father, lived hours rather than days away.  But it seemed like it was more important to win over the judgmental woman who might not want to give her only daughter to a struggling immigrant assistant zookeeper.</p><p>So he and Squiggy headed home and he packed quickly, as Squiggy went to his own apartment and changed back into men's clothing.  Squiggy drove him to the bus station and kept him company as he waited for the next bus to California, which would leave around midnight.  Squiggy promised to tell everyone who needed to know Antonio's plans, including the head zookeeper.  There had been no time to write notes, and Antonio hadn't trusted himself to make an in-person farewell to Shirley brief.  He would write her a letter from "on the road," as the American beat people said.</p><p>Squiggy stood on line with him as he waited to board and at the end said, "Goodbye and good luck, Anchovio."</p><p>Antonio grinned.  "Thank you, Squidgy."</p><p>He gave him a brotherly hug and when they parted, the little man's "nose was sweating."</p><p>Twelve hours later, Antonio was yawning in Omaha.  He'd done his best to nap on the bus, but he had a lot on his mind.  Maybe he shouldn't have left so impulsively.  He could've at least talked to Shirley more.  It was not too late to turn around at the next stop.</p><p>But something compelled him to see this through.  He didn't know what he would say to Mrs. Feeney, beyond an introduction and a declaration of love for her daughter, but at least he had a few days to figure it out.  And meanwhile, he'd get to see some of America.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Like a Chicken with the Pip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny didn't tell Squiggy about his Chicago encounter with Laverne, not that weekend anyway.  As a general policy, their private lives weren't private from each other.  They'd made out in front of each other often, especially on double dates.  For solo dates, Squiggy would always claim he got laid, and the more detail he gave, the less believable it was.  Lenny was honest about the fact that he usually didn't score.</p><p>But Laverne was different, she'd always been different.  Yeah, there were the times when the boys tried for double makeouts with their basement neighbors, and one of Lenny's favorite kisses was when Shirley was kissing Squiggy into a stupor a few feet away.  But Lenny had never gone into detail on the soft kiss Laverne gave him the night he realized how much in love with her he was, and he never told Squiggy about the makeup kiss on his unslapped cheek.  There was no way in hell he was going to tell even his best friend how much of herself she'd shared, emotionally as much as physically, in that motel room.  Lenny had greedily wanted more, but not in a "get something off her" kind of way.</p><p>Squiggy pretended to believe that Lenny just had the unmemorable date with Francine's roommate, but Lenny could tell his roommate had guessed the truth, or close to it.  Shirley had apparently told Squiggy on the phone where Laverne was that Saturday night, and Squiggy probably imagined Lenny running into his favorite crush.  For now, Squiggy was letting it go, while deriving great amusement out of Lenny's self-consciousness.</p><p>At least the thing with Antonio and Shirley was a distraction.  Lenny was surprised, happy, and jealous.  No one could've seen this coming.  Not even Laverne, as smart as she was, even though she was Antonio's favorite cousin and Shirley's best friend.  Lenny sure hadn't had a clue, even though Antonio had asked him for advice about girls.  As for Shirley, she always said she wanted to marry a doctor or similar, but she was a sucker for a handsome face, especially if the guy was polite and considerate, which Antonio was.</p><p>Lenny was happy that his advice had worked, happy for both of them.  They not only made out, which Shirley didn't do with just anybody, but they might get married.</p><p>Despite his happiness, Lenny was jealous.  He had made out with Laverne, maybe even gone further than Antonio went with Shirley, but it wasn't leading to anything.  He understood the reasons why, but it seemed unfair that Antonio was getting the girl he wanted after a few months, while Lenny was getting nowhere after years.  He was also jealous that while he was in Chicago, Antonio had kind of stolen Lenny's best friend.  Or at least, they'd gotten closer because of the support and advice Squiggy had given Antonio for and about Shirley.  Squiggy hadn't even told Lenny about it until he told Carmine and the girls.  Yeah, Lenny was keeping secrets, too, but to protect Laverne's reputation and his own heart.</p><p>The rest of Sunday was surprisingly normal, although Lenny kept wanting to somehow talk to Laverne alone and uninterrupted.  At least he'd see her at work the next day, even if she'd probably act like they'd never run into each other in Chicago.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>The first thing Shirley did in the bathroom after the guys left was get out the nail polish remover.  She knew that blue was one of Antonio's favorite colors, but he obviously would be gone for at least a week, and the Sapphire Safari would be chipped by the time he got back.  If she wanted to, she could apply it fresh upon his return.</p><p>The part of her brain that was both practical and daydreamy told her that she should keep waiting for a doctor to sweep her off her feet. She knew she needed a professional man to take care of her and give her her dream home, where she could raise children and dogs.  She was very fond of Antonio, but he would probably never make much money, even if he worked his way up to head zookeeper someday.</p><p>And she knew he shouldn't have just gone running off to California to ask her mother's permission.  It was foolish and impulsive, and very romantic.  But it wasn't as if she could stop him now.  Unless he changed his mind, he was on his way to face her mother.</p><p>She did think of calling and preparing her mother, but what could she say? "Mama, a friend of mine is going to drop by in a few days and I want you to be nice to him"?</p><p>She didn't even know what she wanted her mother to say.  She did know it was unlikely that Antonio would tell his potential mother-in-law how they had made out not only outside wedlock but outside any commitment.  So he wouldn't sound quite as crazy as he was.  But even if he could've shown up as her steady boyfriend, her mother wouldn't have approved of him.  After all, she'd never fully approved of Shirley's first and only steady boyfriend.</p><p>"It was all right to date Carmine Ragusa in high school, when you were too young to get married. But now that you've graduated and he's become a boxer, Dimples, you need to set your sights higher."</p><p>They were steadies but never exclusive, and then one day he dumped her for a girl who encouraged him to become a dance instructor. Shirley had been advising the same thing for a couple years, but this time he listened.  Yet whatever job he took, and he would take several over the next four years, he would never be anything but a working-class Italian-American.  And Barb Feeney wanted a WASP professional man for a son-in-law.  An immigrant former goatherd was even further from her ideal.</p><p>Shirley couldn't shake entirely free of her mother's expectations, but she had wanted to date Antonio. She'd wanted to get to know him better, physically and otherwise.  But now her mother would crush her crush, and that would probably be the end of it.  Shirley regretted this loss of what might've been, but maybe it was for the best, if he wanted to get too serious too fast.</p><p>She had no idea how she would explain all this to Laverne.  Would Laverne take the side of her cousin and be angry at the Feeneys' rejection?  Or, judging from her reaction in the living room, did she agree that Antonio was crazy?  And what did she think of Shirley's sanity?</p><p>Shirley knew she should've told Carmine, "Don't be ridiculous. Of course I'm not going to marry Antonio." But she had grown weary and wary of Carmine's possessiveness and hypocrisy.  She used to think that his insistence that she belonged to him, which took him all the way up a greasy pole in New York City, which led to him accidentally giving her a black eye, was proof of great passion, deep love.  But this extravagant gesture of Antonio's was far sweeter.  And Carmine had no right to judge her even for making out with Antonio, not after Lucille Lockwash and all the others.</p><p>Laverne had heard Shirley stand up to Carmine and might admire her for that, but she must be wondering why Shirley hadn't said, after the Big Ragoo stormed out, "I'm not going to marry Antonio of course." But then Shirley would've had to talk about how and why she made out with Laverne's cousin, which would've been awkward for both girls.</p><p>At the same time, Shirley was dying to know what was going on with Laverne and Lenny.  She hadn't been entirely distracted by what Carmine and Squiggy said about Antonio.  (She was of course curious what sort of advice on women Squiggy had been offering, although it might've explained why Antonio had gone for her chest.)  Had Laverne and Lenny planned to meet up in Chicago or was it accidental?  Did they actually meet up?  Or was Lenny acting guilty and lovelorn for some other reason? Laverne's behavior was no clue.  She was much better at covering up her feelings than Lenny, or Shirley.</p><p>All Shirley knew was that she would get this polish off before returning to the living room to face Laverne.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eggs in Moonlight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Normally, Laverne liked answering the phone. Relatives, friends, enemies, salesmen, wrong numbers, obscene callers, it didn't matter.  She'd talk to anyone.</p><p>But Tuesday evening, she looked at the ringing phone with trepidation.  She told herself it wouldn't be Lenny, since he was more likely to drop by, or call down the dumbwaiter.  Still, she only answered it because Shirley was cooking dinner and had messy hands.</p><p>"Dimples, are you crazy?"</p><p>"Uh, hold on a minute, Barb." Laverne covered up the mouthpiece of the receiver to ask, "Shirl, do you want to talk to your mother?"</p><p>Shirley sighed.  "Not really, but I suppose I should."</p><p>As Shirley set down the bowl she was stirring, Laverne uncovered the phone.  "She's on her way."</p><p>"Laverne, I know he's your cousin and he seems like a nice boy, very sweet and polite, and of course very tall and good-looking.  Oh, and his English is very good for a foreigner."</p><p>"Um, thank you."</p><p>"But I remember your Uncle Fungee, so I have to ask, does insanity run in your family?"</p><p>She could've pointed out that Barb suspected her own daughter of insanity.  Or she could've told Mrs. Feeney, "Hey, I was in Chicago when they got together. I'm just as surprised as you are."  But Shirley was now holding out a clean hand for the phone, so Laverne just said, "Not that I know of." She handed the receiver over.</p><p>She could guess some of what Shirley was feeling, although she and Shirley didn't always communicate well, as last weekend proved. Shirley had admitted to kissing Antonio but insisted she had not expected him to want to marry her, "even if I am a darn good kisser."</p><p>Laverne flat out lied and said she'd run into Lenny at the Chicago bus station Sunday morning and they'd talked on the bus back to Milwaukee.  He confessed to spending the night with Francine's roommate, but it hadn't gone well for reasons that Laverne couldn't share with Shirley.  Laverne reassured Lenny that he'd find the right girl someday.  "And I held his hand on the bus, platonically, but I think his crush has started up again."</p><p>She expected Shirley to scold her and bring up Ned Sterns, but Shirley said, "There are so many ways to lead a guy on."</p><p>Laverne nodded and decided not to scold Shirley for making out with Antonio enough (it couldn't have been just kissing, not if Squiggy was to be believed) to think he had to ask for Shirley's hand in marriage.  "There sure are."</p><p>"But what I don't understand is why Lenny didn't take the truck to Chicago."</p><p>"Union regulations," Laverne quickly improvised.  "They're not allowed to take the beer truck out of state."</p><p>Even though they didn't always communicate well, Laverne could read Shirley's face as she listened to her mother. At first, Shirley couldn't get in a word edgewise, so she went through surprise, affection, embarrassment, annoyance, and impatience.  Finally, Mrs. Feeney must've stopped for breath.  Shirley said, "He's a good man, Mama, one of the nicest I've ever met."  A pause, during which Shirley's face cycled through more emotions, ending on quiet anger.  Her voice was distant on "Thank you, Mama.  I've got to get back to making dinner, but I'll call you this weekend when the rates are lower.  Goodnight."</p><p>Shirley hung up and Laverne trailed her into the kitchen.  Shirley returned to the mixing bowl and started pounding the contents with her little fists.</p><p>"Um, do you want to talk about it?"</p><p>Shirley sighed and stopped pounding.  "She said that she told Antonio that I'm a grown woman and certainly old enough to get married without her permission, but if we want her blessing, he'll have to find a more respectable profession."</p><p>Laverne snorted. "What, does she expect him to apply to med school and check back in a few years?"</p><p>"I don't know, but I feel terrible for him."</p><p>"Shirl, be honest.  You don't want to marry him, do you?"</p><p>"No, I just want to date him."</p><p>"Good.  Not that it'd be bad having you as a cousin-in-law, but he is moving real fast."</p><p>"Yes.  Laverne, did you really take the bus back to Milwaukee with Lenny?"</p><p>"Uh, no, we ran into each other in a bar in Chicago and talked and danced."</p><p>"I can see how that might've led him on."</p><p>"Yeah."  Laverne decided this was enough honesty for now.  She changed the subject and helped her roommate make dinner.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile, on the West Coast, Antonio DeFazio prepared for an audition.  Mrs. Feeney's words had stung, although she had said them in a nice way. "Shirley is my only daughter and she's a very special girl.  She needs someone who can give her the best things in life."</p><p>He thought love and animals were the best things in life, but he knew she was talking about things that money could buy.  So he thanked her for her time and headed for the nearest movie studio.  He had never wanted to be an actor, and he knew his English still wasn't good enough for an American film.  But, without having a trace of vanity, he knew how good-looking he was and that that could carry him pretty far in Hollywood.</p><p>He knew nothing about the steps he was supposed to go through, how he was supposed to get an agent who would manage his career.  He wasn't supposed to find the nearest phone book, look up the movie studios, and take a crosstown bus to the studio gates.  But when he got there, the guard looked at him and said, "Lot 49."</p><p>When Antonio got to Lot 49, there were other tall, muscular, young men with dark hair, although his was definitely the curliest.  He sat in an empty folding chair and waited.  Some of the other men compared "credits" and seemed surprised when he said his last job was at the Milwaukee Zoo.</p><p>After awhile, three men came over and had them all stand up. The fat, balding one with a cigar would turn out to be the producer, the quiet, skinny one with glasses, the director.  The other man looked enough like Antonio to be his brother, although his hair was as neatly trimmed as that of most of the men auditioning.  The three men went up and down the line of hopefuls, the producer dismissing most of them.</p><p>Antonio was one of the five left standing, so he was going to get the chance to maybe become stuntman for the up-and-coming actor Sonny St. Jacques.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Cracking the Shell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Lenny, can you come down here and bring your wallet?"</p><p>Instead of questioning her, he yelled through the dumbwaiter, "Be right there, Laverne!"</p><p>While Lenny grabbed his wallet, Squiggy asked, "Are you two finally goin' on a real date or is she just tryin' to sell ya some more moldy old plants?"</p><p>"Um, she didn't say."  Lenny didn't really care.  It was enough that Laverne wanted him, OK, and his money.</p><p>Squiggy shook his head so that his auburn wig swished.  "Dames is nothing but trouble."</p><p>He was wearing his "Hedy" uniform.  He'd gone to the former Dead Laszlo's Place every night that week, to wait on tables.  His tips were huge, because apparently there were a lot of people in Milwaukee who loved getting bad service from a surly little man in drag.  Tony was grateful for the extra business, although he warned, "Frank ain't gonna like it when he finds out."</p><p>Lenny might've asked Squiggy to go with him to the basement for backup if his friend hadn't had to get to his moonlighting job, but the two roommates just said goodnight and headed out separately.</p><p>Lenny knocked on the girls' door for once.  Even though Laverne had invited him, he wasn't sure he belonged there.</p><p>She yanked the door open and pulled him into a tight hug.  "Thank God you're here!" she gasped against his white T-shirt.</p><p>He wanted to just hold her, feel her ragged breath against his chest, but he knew he should probably ask what was going on.  He reluctantly pulled away and was about to say, "Are you ok?", when Shirley asked, "How much did you bring?"</p><p>He looked down into the living room and saw Shirley packing a suitcase.  Now he asked, "What's going on?"</p><p>Laverne took his hand and led him down the steps, saying, "Antonio's been hurt and Shirley's going to him."</p><p>It was hard for him to take that in, especially with Laverne touching him so much, after avoiding him at work and home as much as she could that week.  "Hurt?"</p><p>"Yeah, he became a stuntman in Hollywood, the big dope."</p><p>"Don't call him that," both Shirley and Lenny snapped, although in his case it was because he thought of it as Laverne's pet name for him.</p><p>"He's my cousin.  I can call him whatever I want, especially when he does something stupid."</p><p>Lenny wished he could laugh, but he was too worried.  "How bad is he hurt?"</p><p>Shirley looked at him with eyes that seemed to have shed all the tears they'd held.  "Mama said it's just a broken arm, but I'm worried she's keeping something from me.  Or the doctors are keeping something from her, because she's not family."</p><p>"If you'd let me go instead, I could find out."</p><p>"No, I'm his....It should be me.  How much did you bring, Leonard?"</p><p>"Um, ten bucks." It sounded like nothing now.</p><p>"Oh." Laverne squeezed his hand.  "Well, probably one of us should stay here and explain things at work."</p><p>Lenny thought of suggesting he get Squiggy to loan some of his tip money.  And Lenny could explain the girls' absence at the brewery.  But he didn't want Laverne to go. Then he felt guilty about that, so he suggested, "Could Carmine loan you some?"</p><p>"I am not asking a favor from Carmine," Shirley said stubbornly, as if Laverne had already made that suggestion.</p><p>"If you go by bus, Shirl, there'd be enough left over for my ticket."</p><p>"I'm taking a plane and that's final."  She slammed down the lid of the suitcase for emphasis.</p><p>Laverne looked at him again.  "Len, do you wanna go with us when I drive Shirley to the airport?"</p><p>Lenny forgot sometimes that the girls owned a car, although there had been a time when he and Squiggy bought their non-existent Jeep.  (They eventually sold it to Hector Kestenbaum, because parking was an issue.)  Sometimes the girls drove to work and other places, and sometimes they didn't.  When Lenny drove Laverne to her motel in Chicago six nights ago, she told him she'd left her car at home because she was too nervous to drive.  "Plus Shirley might want to go somewhere," although it had turned out Shirley would have a surprising night in.</p><p>He now glanced at Shirley.  "If I'm not protruding."</p><p>Shirley got to her feet and grabbed her suitcase.  "I don't care. Let's go."</p><p>Lenny took the suitcase from her and she nodded her thanks. The three of them went out to the girls' car.  Lenny sat in back with the suitcase.</p><p>On the way to the airport, no one said much.  Lenny now realized that Shirley was dressed in her nicest clothes, including a hat, while Laverne was in her softball jersey, shorts, and sneakers.  She probably hadn't had practice on a Friday evening, but likely just changed into something cool and comfortable after work.  Unlike Shirley, she wasn't dressed for travel.</p><p>When they got to the airport and Laverne found parking, the three of them went into the terminal and split up to ask at every counter about flights to Los Angeles that night. The best they could do was a layover in Omaha, but Shirley couldn't afford to be choosy. She could afford the one-way ticket, especially with Lenny's ten dollars.</p><p>When it was time to board, she hugged them both goodbye, first a long, silent hug with Laverne. When Lenny held her little body, he said, "It'll be OK, Shirl."</p><p>To his surprise, he thought he heard her whisper, "Look after her, Len."</p><p>Before he could react, she let go and got on line.  And then before he knew it, she was flying into the darkening sky.</p><p>"Hey, Len, you wanna grab a bite to eat on the way home?  I still got a couple bucks left."</p><p>He turned from the huge glass window with a look of shock.  "We've gotta go to Dead Laszlo's Place!"</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>As Shirley looked through the big glass window at Omaha, she yawned.  Not that Omaha was boring, although all she'd seen of it was Eppley Airfield.  It was just that it was almost midnight and she was unable to nap.  On the plane from Milwaukee, her seatmate was a chatty old lady who was going to visit her youngest daughter's family and thought it was so sweet that Shirley was visiting her mother in California.  Shirley had thought of saying she was going to see her boyfriend, or even fiancé, but Antonio wasn't anything to her officially except her best friend's cousin.  She pretended this would be a happy visit, but she couldn't pretend beyond that.  She even admitted it would be a surprise visit, although she let the old lady think Mama would be delighted.</p><p>Shirley had hung up on her own mother, slamming the receiver down as if on an obscene caller.  Well, the call was obscene, although Mama of course didn't use profanity.</p><p>"That crazy boyfriend of yours got himself hurt pulling some stunt."</p><p>Shirley's first thought was that her mother was talking about Carmine, that he was working for a loan shark again and Mama somehow knew about it.  Then her mother explained that Antonio had gotten a job as a stuntman and been injured at the movie studio.  He'd put Mrs. Feeney down as his local contact, without telling her.  (Piecing it together, the girls figured out that Squiggy must've been the one to tell Antonio Shirley's mother's phone number and address.)  Mrs. Feeney hadn't been to see him in the hospital yet when she called Shirley, and it was unclear if she planned to.</p><p>But Shirley knew instantly that she should go herself.  Antonio had injured himself in a misguided attempt to prove himself worthy of her. She had to see for herself that he was going to be all right.
She didn't know what this meant about her feelings for him.  She'd try to sort that out when things calmed down.</p><p>She didn't know how long she'd need to stay in California, or if it could be with her mother the whole time.  She was still angry at Mama for indirectly causing Antonio's accident, although Mama had been correct when she said, "Dimples, I didn't tell him to become a stuntman." But Shirley didn't have enough money to stay in a hotel for an indefinite amount of time.  She didn't even have enough money for a return ticket, although maybe Mr. DeFazio could wire her some later, perhaps enough for his nephew, too.  (Laverne had told her father on Sunday that Antonio took a sudden vacation, but she'd have to tell him the truth now.)</p><p>Shirley thought longingly of her mother's guest bed, but she was unable to even doze during her layover, because of two squabbling toddler twins.  She sighed and went to get a cup of coffee.</p><p>She was able to nap on the connecting flight to L.A.  Her last conscious thought was that Laverne would have to do more things on her own for awhile.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Coming Home to Roost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As she waited for her takeout order, Laverne looked around in disbelief.  The past week had been full of surprises, but this wasn't the least of them.</p><p>Lenny had explained about "Hedy" on the way over to her father's diner, but seeing was a lot different from hearing.  As mostly male customers flirted and catcalled, Squiggy slung hash and other food, as well as an array of creative insults.  The crowd loved it.  Laverne herself found it very entertaining and would've wanted to dine in if she hadn't had so much on her mind.</p><p>"Hey, Tony, can you give Squiggy a break?  We gotta talk to him."</p><p>"If you can pry him away from his adoring fans."</p><p>She had already promised Tony not to tell her father about the new "waitress."  It was more urgent that she tell him about Antonio's accident.  But first, she was going to tell Squiggy, who at least already knew that Antonio was in California and why.</p><p>When Squiggy brought them their bagged food, he said, "What are ya doin' buggin' me at work?"</p><p>"Come outside, Squig," Lenny said.</p><p>"Yeah," Laverne added, "it's OK with Tony."</p><p>Squiggy looked annoyed but curious, so he followed them out to the parking lot.  Laverne leaned against her car as she filled him in as simply as she could.  She remembered how upset she was when Shirley told her, although she felt better once Lenny was there.</p><p>Squiggy listened without saying anything and then he said, "Thanks for telling me.  I gotta get back to work now."  He straightened his wig and headed back inside.</p><p>Even for someone as unsentimental as Squiggy, this was stoic, especially considering how fond he was of Antonio. Laverne looked at Lenny, who shrugged.</p><p>"He'll get upset later, when no one else is around."</p><p>Laverne nodded and got in the car.  This time Lenny took the passenger seat.  She kind of wanted to drive with one hand and hold his hand with the other, but she tried to focus on her driving.</p><p>When they got back to their apartment building, she invited Lenny to eat with her.  She thought of how Shirley wanted her to do more things on her own, but this wasn't the weekend for that.</p><p>"Don't you wanna go to the Pizza Bowl?" he asked.</p><p>"Nah, I think we got plenty," she said, pointing at the takeout bags in his hands.</p><p>"No, I mean to tell your father about poor Antonio."</p><p>"Oh.  Not tonight. Let's at least wait until Shirley calls with more information."</p><p>If he noticed she was including him in telling Pop, he didn't say anything.  He just carried the food to the kitchen table.</p><p>They didn't talk much as they ate, and they hadn't talked much in the car.  There was so much that was unsaid that it was like a third person in the room, and yet she didn't want to be alone.</p><p>After they'd finished and washed their hands at the kitchen sink, she asked, "You wanna watch a little TV?"</p><p>"Laverne, what's going on? I don't just mean with Antonio."</p><p>She took one of his big, clean hands and led him into the living room.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile, two thousand miles away, at the Good Samaritan Hospital, where actress Jean Harlow died a quarter century ago and where Senator Bobby Kennedy would die six years later, Laverne's favorite cousin lay in a drug-induced slumber.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Tastes Like Chicken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why are you running hot and cold tonight, Laverne?" Lenny asked when she was holding his hand on the couch after supper.  "I mean one minute you're hardly talking to me and the next you're touching me.  Is it because you're upset about Antonio or is it because of what we did last weekend?"</p><p>She swallowed. "I told you I'm a mess, Len.  But I think I do have feelings for you."</p><p>"Friend feelings or special feelings?"</p><p>"Special friend feelings."</p><p>"What does that mean?"</p><p>"It means you're a real good friend.  You make me laugh and we have fun together, but you can also be sweet and supportive when I need that.  At the same time, I am physically attracted to you and you're good at making out."</p><p>"Thank you," he whispered.</p><p>She looked away.  "The thing is, Len, I'm unlucky in love, so I'm scared to ruin what we have by trying for more.  Like, what if I can't love you like you love me? Or what if we end up hurting each other without meaning to?  Or we get hurt by things outside us?"</p><p>"Well, we're both survivors.  And I don't wanna be loved like I love.  I wanna be loved like you love."</p><p>She smiled a little.  "That sounds like a song."</p><p>Still whispering, he said, "We could be so good together, Laverne," and cupped her chin, so she had to meet his eyes.  And then he breathed on her lips, not quite kissing her.</p><p>"Len," she breathed back.</p><p>And then they kissed, a melting sort of kiss, with no clear beginning, with no clear divide between them.  He knew her mouth so well and he'd kissed her before, especially last Saturday, but he was still learning her.  She tasted like the fried chicken from the diner, since she hadn't had a chance to brush her teeth, but the taste underneath was her.  A taste as sweet as Bosco.</p><p>She was kissing him gently this time, with none of the hunger of Chicago, so he tried to match that.  He couldn't help thinking that they were much more likely to be interrupted here, but at the same time Shirley wouldn't be home for days. Time felt both precious and infinite.</p><p>She let go of his hand and put hers on his chest, as if trying to feel his heartbeat through his thin shirt.  He tangled his free hand in her hair, while the other hand stroked her face.  The kiss deepened and their breath quickened.</p><p>He noticed that she hadn't set limits this time.  She hadn't said they'd make out or that it was just for that night.  Maybe she didn't know what her boundaries were anymore, and wouldn't until he crossed them.  That should've made him nervous, but for once he would try to take his time with her moment by moment.</p><p>After awhile, with their tongues sliding together with increasing confidence, he felt both her hands slide under his shirt. One caressed his chest, the other his stomach.</p><p>They eased out of the kiss and he leaned forward enough that she could strip off his T-shirt.  Then their eyes met so that his could ask and hers could give permission.  The green of hers seemed richer than usual as they flashed yes.</p><p>He tugged up her jersey with both hands and then looked down at her bra, the way it supported but partially exposed her lovely breasts.  He wanted to unhook the bra but not just yet.</p><p>Then suddenly she was in his lap, straddling him, her chest in his face, and he felt like he was the happiest man on Earth.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile, in the sky, somewhere about halfway between Milwaukee and Omaha, the woman who told Lenny to look after Laverne was exclaiming over adorable photos of grandchildren.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Light as a Feather</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Making out had always been easier for Laverne than sharing her feelings, but she was glad she and Lenny had talked first.  She still didn't know exactly where this was going, that night or beyond, but that was OK.  And the thing with Shirley and Antonio had reminded her how scary and unpredictable life could be, but maybe that meant you had to grab happiness wherever you found it.</p><p>This time, she wanted to learn more about Lenny's body. It was a body she'd tickled and teased, wrestled and hugged with.  She'd seen it in various costumes, and in tight clothing.  He'd been offering it to her for years, even before it fully reached manhood, but tonight she wanted to see what she was getting before she finally took him up on that offer.</p><p>Her eyes knew he had a good body, although she'd resisted telling him that when he stripped down to his underwear in her living room six months ago. It wasn't just because Shirley was there that she held back. She didn't want to be physically attracted to Lenny. But he was tall and blond, and it was hard to look away from those blue eyes that showed every emotion. And, all right, she liked how his tushie and crotch looked in tight jeans.</p><p>Tonight she wanted to learn his body better not just through sight but through touch.  She'd seen his chest and stomach before, like at the local YMCA pool, but she needed to feel them with her hands under his T-shirt.  He didn't have the muscular definition that fireman Randy, or even chubby cop Norman, had had.  But he definitely wasn't in bad shape.  Thin but not too skinny, although his diet was even junkier than hers.</p><p>(They were both motherless from an early age, but his father couldn't cook, while hers ran a restaurant.  Lenny fended for himself, like a stray dog, the times his big sister and paternal grandparents weren't able to feed him.)</p><p>He didn't exercise with any sort of system or regularity, but he had nervous energy and a blue-collar job.  Although not a stuntman like poor Antonio, he'd fallen down stairs, out a fourth-story window, and even off the roof, and survived.  And he was able to carry around over one hundred pounds of Squiggy without giving it a second thought.</p><p>After he had her take off his T-shirt, he clearly wanted to take off her softball jersey.  She thought of how he'd pleasured her breasts in Chicago, and she wanted more of that.  But she also thought it was time to see, or rather feel, what Lenny had to offer below the waist.</p><p>She could've used her hands, but the best way to get a sense of him without either of them undressing down there was to mount his lap.  She put her legs around his hips, facing him so that her bra was right by his wide eyes.  She could feel him hardening in his jeans, under her shorts.  She couldn't help grinning.  Yes, she thought this could be a very good match indeed.</p><p>She shifted so that her chest was no longer at his eye level but lined up with his mouth.  He whispered her name and quickly, if a little clumsily, undid the clasp on her bra.  He tossed it aside and eagerly started kissing, licking, and sucking.</p><p>She stroked his hair and his ears, enjoying this but wanting to rub against his crotch.  So she dipped her body down to graze his jeans.</p><p>"Tease," he scolded happily, so she rubbed her cleavage against his nose and then swooped again.</p><p>They played this game for awhile, until he squeezed her left breast and sucked it, as his other hand slipped between her bare thighs.  She gasped his name as he showed that he could tease, too.  His fingertips tickled right to the edges of her shorts and then glided onto and across the fabric.  Even his hungry mouth got more playful, as his tongue teased her nipples inside and outside his lips.</p><p>At last, she needed more of his hardness, so she ground down on his crotch, rubbing and rubbing, as he strummed her left nipple with his right hand, and his left hand squeezed her bottom.</p><p>"Yeah, Laverne, oh yeah!"</p><p>"Lenny!" she cried, as he started blurring.  She wanted him inside her, but this was good, so good.</p><p>When she came, the orgasm seemed to rise from the toes curling in her sneakers to her scalp.  She rested her head on his shoulder afterwards.</p><p>He stroked her hair and she expected him to say something about her orgasm, but he asked, "Can I take my pants off now?"</p><p>She chuckled and said, "Let me lock the front door first."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile, Antonio DeFazio dreamed of kissing Shirley Feeney.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Borrowed Feathers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny felt like he was dreaming as he lay in bed, but he was wide awake.  It was Laverne's bed and she had gone over to her dresser.  He couldn't help sitting up when she bent over to rummage in her underwear drawer.  It was partly to admire her curvy but athletic ass in shorts, but he was also curious about what she'd pull out.  Then she straightened up and turned around, holding a nightie in front of her.</p><p>"On or off?" she asked.</p><p>It was a tough choice.  He loved seeing and touching her bare breasts, but the nightie looked pretty sexy.  It was short and green, with black trim and little red hands on the chest.  "On for now."</p><p>She nodded and slipped it on, then slipped out of her shorts.  Then she came over to stand next to the bed.</p><p>He now noticed she held a box of condoms in one hand.   "On or off?" she asked.</p><p>"Laverne, are we really gonna...?"</p><p>"We seem to be heading in that direction.  And I went on the Pill when I was with Randy, and I've just stayed on it, because, well, you never know."</p><p>He nodded.  He'd had the feeling Laverne wasn't a virgin anymore, which probably made the loss of Randy even harder.  Lenny suddenly felt a little intimidated, because Randy had been so strong and brave, so big and handsome.  Laverne had been so crazy about Randy, who was sweeter than Lenny, too, never playfully trading insults, like Lenny and Laverne had since they were kids.</p><p>She continued, "So you don't have to wear one, but I'd feel a little safer if you did."</p><p>He hadn't scored in awhile and he was pretty sure he was free of the diseases warned against in the Army training film he and Squiggy made with the girls.  But he knew from experience that rubbers dulled his incredible sensitivity, which meant he could last longer.  And he really wanted that with Laverne, for both their sakes.  "Definitely on."</p><p>She set the box on her night stand. "Thank you."</p><p>"You're welcome.  So I can take off my pants?"</p><p>"Yeah, take off your jeans but leave your underpants on for now."</p><p>He nodded, then unzipped and removed his jeans without getting out of bed.  He'd of course taken off his shoes when he went into her bedroom, and now he took off his socks, too.  It was a warm but not hot summer night, so it wasn't like his feet would freeze.  And his feet were very sensitive, so he hoped Laverne might play with them a little, although they weren't the organ he wanted her to focus on that night.</p><p>As she stood there on her own bare feet, she was looking down at his crotch, but she said, "Where <span class="u">do</span> you get your underwear?"</p><p>From her tone, he could tell it was what Squiggy called a rhettbutlerical question, the kind that didn't need an answer.  So he didn't explain that the Bullwinkle pajamas that he and Squiggy jointly owned came with two pairs of boxers.  Lenny got these with Dudley Do-Right, while Squiggy got the Snidely Whiplash.  Instead, Lenny leered and said, "Where do you get <span class="u">yours</span>?"</p><p>To his surprise, she blushed and said, "These aren't the underpants that go with this nightie.  Those are scanty panties.  These are just my old Friday panties." She lifted up her nightie so he could read the word "FRIDAY" in white block letters just below the waistband of the sea green panties.  He could also see that she'd hand-sewn a tiny black cursive L to the left of that word.</p><p>"Laverne," he murmured and his hand reached out to trace all seven letters, especially the loops of her L.</p><p>"Oh, Lenny," she said, standing there and letting him lightly caress her underwear.  Her tone was a mix of the old amused fondness and her new surprised arousal.  But when his fingers tugged at the waistband, she dropped the hem of her nightie like a curtain and said, "Lie down again."</p><p>He did, wondering what she was going to do to him but knowing he would like it, whatever it was. Then she lay on top of him, her long legs hugging his stomach.  She kissed his cheek and breathed his name, like she was home at last.</p><p>He wrapped his arms around her and held her even closer, like she was a dream that would fade with the dawn.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile Shirley was getting closer to Omaha but felt no closer to sleep, as she listened to her seatmate's story about her daughter's wedding.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. The Rooster May Crow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Laverne lay on top of Lenny, she felt like she still wasn't quite mentally ready to go all the way.  Physically, yes.  After all, she'd already come in the living room.  But, well, it wasn't the first time she'd made out to the point of orgasm.</p><p>She knew they didn't have to go all the way, that night or ever.  But she wanted him, and this was easier with Shirley out of town.  Not that she wasn't worried about Antonio, but she knew her cousin was enough of a romantic that he wouldn't have minded if he'd known.</p><p>Laverne nuzzled Lenny's neck, and then kissed his earlobe.  He returned the gesture, and soon they were necking.  Lenny's skin was very sensitive, and he was so emotional anyway, that she didn't have to do much to get to him.  He was very verbal, too, and she did have to shush him, so that Mrs. Babish and the other neighbors wouldn't overhear.  Not that she was silent herself of course, especially when he placed his hands over the red hands of her nightie.</p><p>After awhile, one of his hands wandered between her legs, back to her wet Friday panties.  This time she moved her legs so that he could strip the panties off her.</p><p>"You know what I wanna do to you, Laverne?" he whispered against her neck.</p><p>"Show me with your hand, Len."</p><p>So he did, until she came on his stomach, groaning his name into his ear.  Then he raised that hand to his mouth and licked his own fingertips.</p><p>She fumbled for the condom box and started stripping off Dudley Do-Right.  Lenny was good and hard, after all this time, as if he had willed himself to wait until he was inside her.</p><p>"Oh God, Laverne!  You're gonna do me on top, right?"</p><p>She had considered different positions in the past six days, even as she told herself that she must never again so much as kiss Lenny.  But this one made sense for that night, for that moment.  "You want me to ride you, Len?"</p><p>"Yes yes yes!" Her head was now resting on his chest, but he stroked her face and hair both tenderly and eagerly.</p><p>"Well, if you're sure," she teased.  Then she sat so that her knees were around his, as she tore open the box, set it on the floor, and then more carefully tore the wrapper off a rubber.  She smiled down at him and said, "Nice body, Len."</p><p>"So sexy, Laverne!"</p><p>She put the condom on slowly, partly because it wasn't something to rush and partly to tease him.  Under other circumstances, she would've played with his penis, got to know it better with her hands.  But she had the feeling he would've come quickly from a handjob after waiting so long.</p><p>When she'd rolled the condom all the way on, she shifted so that she could roll herself all the way on. Slowly slowly, inch by precious inch, filling herself with the solidity of Lenny.  And he watched her with a look of wonder and reverence, as if he were witnessing a miracle.</p><p>She thought of making a joke, to remind him she was just his old friend Laverne, but it was hard to think of him as good ol' Lenny just then.  And then he started taking long, careful strokes inside her, watching her face for reactions.</p><p>"Oh, Len, whew, you're really, oh, Len!"</p><p>"Be my girlfriend, Laverne."</p><p>She chuckled.  "How can I resist such powers of persuasion?"</p><p>He didn't laugh.  "Please?"</p><p>She shifted so she could kiss his cheek, although it meant he fell out of her.  "OK, Len."</p><p>"Can we go steady?"</p><p>"One step at a time, Buddy Boy."</p><p>She shifted back down and put him back in.  Where he belonged, she couldn't help thinking.</p><p>Now they slid together, up and down, and around.  Sometimes she sat up and rode him, as he bucked beneath her.  And other times she lay on him, listening to his heart throb in a different rhythm than his penis.  Meanwhile his hands caressed and then rubbed every part of her he could reach.</p><p>This time when she came, she cried, "More!" So Lenny gave it to her fast, hard, and deep, just the way she wanted it, needed it, by then.</p><p>She muffled his orgasmic moans and groans by giving him her fingers to suck, while she made her sounds, pre- and post- as well, against his chest.  Then his gasping sounded more like snoring.</p><p>"Very funny, Len." She looked up at his face.  He did seem to be sleeping.</p><p>She carefully removed herself and then the condom.  She went into her bathroom, threw the condom away, and then took a quick shower.  Not that she minded having Lenny's scent on her, but she knew she would sleep better without it.  And she did feel suddenly drained by this past week.</p><p>She dried off and considered wearing the towel to bed, but Lenny had been inside her, even if he didn't know what she looked like completely naked.  She did decide to sleep in Shirley's bed, after she saw Lenny sprawled all over her own.  She'd loved sleep-cuddling with Randy, but he had a much bigger bed.  And it felt like a much more intimate act than sex, especially when she and Lenny had just started dating.  She smiled down on the dozing man with long, skinny limbs and a flaccid but easily revivable penis.  "Goodnight, New Boyfriend," she whispered fondly.  Then she crawled into her best friend's bed, where she slept naked with just a sheet, since it was a warm summer night and the front door was locked.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile, two evening-shift candy-stripers at the Good Samaritan Hospital of Los Angeles stifled their giggles when they discovered that the gorgeous stuntman with a broken arm in Room 225 had had a wet dream.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Making an Omelet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning, Lenny woke up when his hand touched the floor.  As he was lying on his stomach with his left arm hanging off the mattress, there should've been nothing remarkable about this.  However, Lenny's bed was a top bunk.</p><p>He opened one eye cautiously and looked at the floor. Yes, it was much closer than it should've been.  Did someone steal the lower bunk?  He hoped they didn't take Squiggy, too.</p><p>He now noticed someone was sleep-breathing, and it didn't sound like Squiggy. He turned his head to the left and gasped at the sight of Laverne, lying on another bed and apparently naked under a sheet, if her bare shoulders were any indication.</p><p>Then it all came back to him.  She was his girlfriend and they'd gone all the way in her bedroom.  He would've thought it was the best wet dream ever, if he didn't have this proof before him.</p><p>He wanted to kiss her awake, but he really needed to use the toilet.  He should probably wash his hands before and after, too.</p><p>When he was standing at the sink the second time, he noticed the big dopy grin on his face.  He couldn't help it.  He was crazier than ever about Laverne and the whole rest of the weekend was ahead of them.</p><p>Then he remembered poor Antonio and felt guilty.  The only reason Lenny had this opportunity was because Laverne's cousin got hurt trying to prove himself worthy of Shirley, who made an equally romantic gesture by flying to see him.  And, yeah, Lenny had waited a long time for this, but it wasn't like he'd done much more than wait around and try to be a good friend. This felt unearned and too easy.  Not that he was going to let that stop him from trying to go steady with Laverne by the end of the weekend of course.</p><p>He turned off the faucet and arranged his face into a less goofy expression. Then he dried his hands and returned to his probably naked girlfriend.</p><p>Her face was now buried in Shirley's pillow, so kissing her mouth was not an option at the moment. He looked around and was relieved to see Shirley appeared to have taken Boo Boo Kitty with her. He would've been embarrassed if the stuffed animal had borne silent witness to the lovemaking.  The cat was a symbol of Shirley's innocence, and those stitched-on eyes staring at him in the morning light would've completely killed his boner.</p><p>When he looked back at Laverne, she'd rolled over onto her back and her eyes were half open.  "Well, good morning, Lenny," she said in a tone that told him she was very aware of said boner.</p><p>He dropped to his knees beside that bed.  "Hey, Laverne, how are you feeling?"</p><p>"Good I think. I'm still not fully awake."</p><p>He stroked her hair. "You're not sore or nothin'?  I mean, I know it wasn't your first time, but I did try to be gentle until the end."</p><p>"It was just right, Len. And I was on top."</p><p>"Yeah." He smiled at the memory.</p><p>"You like the girl on top, don't ya, Len?"</p><p>"I like all the positions I've tried.  But I'll do any you want, Laverne, 'cause I luh, 'cause I think you're real sexy."</p><p>If she caught his slip, she ignored it.  She sat up and put her hands around his neck.  Yeah, she was definitely naked above the waist, with hard nipples.</p><p> "You're pretty sexy, too, Len."</p><p>Even more than the compliment, he loved that she was using his nickname so much. One of the ways they connected, as strong as looking at each other when other people were around, was saying each other's names.  Sometimes the first word out of his mouth when he entered a room she was in was "Laverne," no matter who else was there.</p><p>"Thanks, Laverne," he whispered against her soft, warm lips.</p><p>They melted into a long, tender kiss.  He tried to ease her into lying down on the mattress again, but she murmured, "Not on Shirley's bed.  She'd kill me if she found out."</p><p>Lenny thought Shirley was going to at least have a hissy fit about them having sex on Laverne's bed, no matter what blessing she'd given him at the airport.  But they'd already broken that taboo.  "I forgot," he mumbled, but then he scooped Laverne into his arms as suavely as he could.</p><p>"Oo, Len!" she sighed and nestled closer.</p><p>He was still kneeling, but he didn't want to risk standing up.  Enough DeFazios had been injured that week.  So he shuffled on his knees from one bed to the other.  Luckily, there wasn't far to go.</p><p>He expected her to laugh or say, "It's OK, I can walk from here." Instead she nuzzled his neck and one hand gripped his back.</p><p>When they arrived back at her bed, he set her down carefully.  He wasn't sure what to do next, because he didn't know if they were going to just do it again or make out first.</p><p>Then she lay down with her back arched. "You wanna play with my boobs, Len?"</p><p>There was only one answer to that question, a question he'd first imagined when he was half the age he was now and her boobs were much smaller. He nodded enthusiastically and then lowered his head to give one stiff little nipple a gentle tug with his lips, carefully grazing it with his teeth.</p><p>"God, Len!" She pulled on his hair a little, but he could tell it was a "keep going" pull, not a "stop that" pull.</p><p>He pleasured her chest with his mouth and one hand, but after awhile his other hand wandered curiously down her stomach.  Her legs were open enough for him to slip his hand between them.  Yeah, she was wet and getting wetter.  He remembered tasting her wetness on his fingertips.  He started to kiss downward from the slope of her chest.</p><p>"Oh, wow, Len!  Are you really gonna...?"</p><p>He promptly answered her unfinished question.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile Shirley awoke to a California sunrise coming through her mother's guest room window.  She'd slept as best she could, although it was an unfamiliar place and she had so much on her mind.</p><p>She would rather not have gone to Mama's, but she didn't have enough money for a hotel, especially since she didn't know how long she'd be in town.  She knew Mama would be further convinced that Shirley was crazy, but she wouldn't turn her only daughter away, even late at night.  And at least Mama held off on nagging when she saw how jet-lagged Shirley was.  She quickly made up the guest room and encouraged Shirley to sleep in.</p><p>But Shirley's body was on Midwest time, even if it was a Saturday.  She didn't know what time visiting hours were at the hospital, or even if she could get in as a non-relative, but she might pay a visit to the studio and see if she could find out more about Antonio's accident, if they'd let her in there.  She could always nap later, once her mind was more at ease.</p><p>She yawned and stretched but didn't immediately get out of bed.  She couldn't help wishing that Laverne had been able to fly out with her.  It would've been easier to get into a hospital or a movie studio with the help of her partner in crime.  Not that Shirley planned to do anything criminal, but she was used to plotting schemes with her best friend.</p><p>Beyond that, it was hard not having Laverne there to share worries about Antonio.  Shirley promised herself she'd call Laverne that afternoon, whether or not she'd found out anything.  Then Laverne could update their friends, so Shirley wouldn't have to run up Mama's phone bill.</p><p>Shirley had the feeling that Lenny might be there when she called.  She still wasn't clear what was going on with Lenny and Laverne, but maybe they weren't either. She hoped that they would finally talk while she was away.  She was positive Lenny would look in on Laverne, make sure she was OK that weekend.</p><p>Shirley's stomach growled, so she got out of bed and quietly made her way to the kitchen.  She planned to just have something simple, like toast and coffee, but then she saw that her mother was using three burners on the stove.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chick Magnets</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne was very glad she'd gone back to her own bed. Shirley wouldn't be thrilled if and when she found out that Laverne and Lenny had gone all the way in the girls' bedroom. But Shirley would've been furious if there had been wet spots on her own bed, even if Laverne cleaned them up before Shirley's return. And Lenny was definitely helping add wet spots to Laverne's bed.</p><p>The only other man who'd gone down on her was Randy, and just once.  Not because he didn't like it. They both loved it, although she'd had to get past her self-consciousness.  He told her she tasted amazing and he loved making her come in a way that was new to her.  But he died before he could do it again. He died before he could do a lot of things to her, like propose.</p><p>And now it was Lenny's head between her legs.  He'd knelt at the side of her bed and kissed her chest and then her stomach, before moving down to her crotch. Then he moved around to the foot of the bed so he could part her legs more and see what he was doing.  The top half of him lay on the bed, between her legs. </p><p>Lenny "Help, there's a hog in my kitchen" Kosnowski was between her legs. And not like last night, where she was on top and controlling everything. Now she was spread before him, a feast for his eyes, mouth, and maybe heart to devour. She felt a little like Tokyo facing Godzilla. But she knew that he wouldn't destroy her, just the walls she put up around herself. And he'd honor the walls his hands and face were now penetrating.</p><p>"So pretty down here," he murmured.  "And tastes so goooood!"</p><p>"Sweet Lenny," she whispered.  And then she gasped, "Wow, that!  Do <span class="u">that</span> again, only from the other side."</p><p>He started following her instructions, not all of them as clear as that. Sometimes all she could manage was a moan, or just an eyelash flutter.  But Lenny was used to reading her, following her lead.  Not that he didn't throw in his own surprises.</p><p>Her orgasm was inevitable but seemed to catch them both off guard.  She fell silent and he lifted his head from between her legs.</p><p>She expected another compliment, but he asked, "Where are the rubbers?"</p><p>"I set them down on the floor somewhere."</p><p>He felt around until he found the box.  "Can you put it on me again? My hands are kinda sticky."</p><p>"Sure."  She sat up and took the box from him.  "How about you stand next to the bed?"</p><p>"OK."</p><p>As he scrambled to his feet, she got a condom out of its wrapper.  Then she looked at his crotch in admiration.  "How do you stay hard so long?"</p><p>"I'm with <span class="u">you</span>," he said, as if it should've been obvious.</p><p>This time she played with him more, both before and after the condom was on.  This was her boyfriend's penis and she wanted to get to know it better.  She even gave it a light kiss on the tip, just to see what it tasted like.  Lenny groaned her name.</p><p>She knew if she made him come, she could make him hard again after awhile.  She just had to be herself.</p><p>But she did want to feel him come inside her again.  So after awhile, she lay down and said, "You on top?"  She left enough room that he wouldn't bump his head on the wall, although he was turning out to be a lot less clumsy in bed than she'd feared.</p><p>"Yeah!" he exclaimed so enthusiastically she had to shush him again.  But he knelt on the bed and gathered her up so that her legs were around his narrow hips.  She liked that he could follow instructions, but she loved that he could improvise.</p><p>She bit her lip as he teased her with his erection, then she sighed as he inserted it.  Except, then he teased her from the inside.  "Lenny!" she whispered in frustration.</p><p>He grinned and then shifted so that her bottom was on the mattress again, although her legs were still up and around his hips, while he braced himself with one sticky hand against the wall.  (Something else she'd clean before Shirley's return.) He took long, deep strokes, the angle driving her crazy.  He smiled down at her and his other hand tenderly stroked her face.</p><p>She kissed his not too sticky palm and they watched each other's eyes, when they weren't watching him move in and out of her.</p><p>After awhile, she murmured, "You're so far away."</p><p>"If I lie on you, I'll come," he whispered.</p><p>"So?"
</p><p>"Don't you want me to last as long as I can?"</p><p>"Well, I would like to have breakfast before dinnertime."</p><p>He snorted.  "I don't last <span class="u">that</span> long."</p><p>"Yeah?" She massaged his thighs with her feet.</p><p>"La! Verne!" he gasped.  He lay on top of her and really started pumping, as she continued to move her legs, throwing in some hip action.  He muffled his sounds against her pillow, while her mouth was against his chest.  She couldn't do anything about the bed squeaking though.  She decided it was worth any possible awkward conversation with her stepmother.  And then she remembered that this was one of the weekends when Mrs. Babish slept over at her husband's apartment over the Pizza Bowl.</p><p>The living arrangements of Mr. and Mrs. DeFazio were confusing to everyone, including their daughter.  But he had to sleep above his restaurant often enough to discourage burglars, while his wife was still landlady at this apartment building further down the block.  So they had an elaborate schedule of who slept where when. Laverne usually didn't try to keep track, but she did remember Edna stopping by, shortly before Shirley's mother called, and saying, "Can you girls call me at Frank's if anything comes up before I'm back Sunday evening?"  Laverne decided to wait until later to mention this to Lenny.</p><p>She wished she could see his face as he came, but she remembered it looking up at her last night.  He must've been thinking of her face, because she thought she heard him moan, "Green eyes!" As he gave the final push, she whispered, "Blue," against a hard little pink nipple and then licked it.</p><p>When he shuddered with release, she felt her whole body tremble, and she wasn't sure how much was him and how much was her.  Maybe it was both, this Lavenny creature they made together.  She did feel like their orgasms were starting to overlap more and more, even when they weren't simultaneous.  Like they were both coming, even when only one of them was.</p><p>They held each other close afterwards, like a very special hug.  And then she definitely came.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>"Wake up, Mr. DeFazio.  It's time for your sponge bath."</p><p>He blinked and it all came back to him, despite the pain medication. He was lying in a hospital with a broken arm, because he'd taken on a stunt he couldn't handle, in order to make some quick money and impress the mother of the woman he wished to marry but had kissed for the first time only a week ago. He felt like un idiota.</p><p>He saw a middle-aged nurse and two young candy-stripers. The girls giggled and the woman glared at them.  Then the nurse very efficiently instructed her assistants in how to give a sponge bath.</p><p>(These were not the same candy-stripers who had giggled over him the previous evening, as this was a different shift.  Those girls were teenagers, while this pair were in their early twenties.  But Antonio would have this effect throughout his stay at the Good Samaritan.)</p><p>He was embarrassed.  He hadn't had a woman bathe him since he was a small child.  And he considered himself committed to Shirley.  Still, he couldn't help thinking that Squiggy would probably love to trade places with him, despite the injury.</p><p>He wondered if Squiggy knew about the accident.  He wasn't sure how much time had passed but it felt like morning. Shirley probably knew by now and maybe had told their mutual friends.  He didn't know if he wanted people to be worried or not.  That is, he didn't want to make anyone unhappy, but worrying meant that they cared.</p><p>He imagined that Uncle Frank would be worried and annoyed that it was such a pointless accident.  Maybe some of the others would feel the same.</p><p>He decided to call Milwaukee as soon as he felt up to it.  He realized he should probably make only one phone call, because of the difficulty and expense.  He most wanted to hear Shirley's sweet voice, but he realized that there was one person who he most owed an update to.  Carmine was his roommate and Antonio hadn't even said goodbye to him.  He felt guilty about that and hoped Carmine would understand.  He also hoped that Carmine didn't mind that he and Shirley got so close so quickly.  They would have to talk about that sometime. But mostly, Antonio needed to talk to Carmine about the rent, because he didn't know what his own plans were now. Should he stay in California and try to find another, safer job? Or should he go back to Milwaukee, or maybe even Italy? He missed his simple life as a goatherd.</p><p>He was too lost in his thoughts to stay embarrassed by the sponge bath.  Soon the three women put him into fresh pajamas and gave him more pills.  He fell asleep and didn't wake up until it was visiting hours and a different nurse told him, "Mr. DeFazio, your brother is here."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Breaking Some Eggs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Pass the butter, Len."</p><p>"You don't have to cook for me, Laverne, just cause we're going steh, out."</p><p>"I cooked for you when we were just friends.  How many times have you and Squiggy mooched off of me and Shirley?"</p><p>"That's different."</p><p>"Fine. You can go upstairs and forage in your fridge, but I'm gonna make omelets."</p><p>"Here." He set the stick of butter on the counter next to her.</p><p>She turned to face him, hands on the hips that looked so good in shorts. "What's wrong, Lenny?"</p><p>"Nothing."</p><p>She shook her head. "We had fun last night and this morning. And I'm happy to make you breakfast. What more do you want?"</p><p>He almost said, "Everything." But he knew that was too much. "Well, for one thing, I wish I didn't have to wear your pajama bottoms.  They expose my ankles."</p><p>She had creamed enough when she was dry-humping him in the living room that Lenny knew he couldn't wear his jeans in public.  He could sneak up to his apartment using the dumbwaiter, but he wasn't ready to face his roommate in Laverne-stained jeans.</p><p>"I told you, I'll do a load of laundry after breakfast."</p><p>He almost said, "You don't have to do my laundry," but it wasn't like he had a choice.  He kissed her cheek and said, "Thank you."</p><p>She looked puzzled but said, "Are we good?"</p><p>He nodded.  They were good, so good together, and he was an ungrateful wretch.</p><p>She assigned him toaster duty. Waffles, English muffins, and of course toast. They were making a lot of food for just two people, but they were two people who loved to eat and who had definitely worked up hearty appetites.</p><p>"We're gonna go through a lot of butter," he observed as he set the table.</p><p>"You're not gonna bite your hand?" she asked as she brought over the eggs.</p><p>He hadn't said it suggestively and it hadn't even occurred to him that it could be said in a dirty way. (It would've occurred to Squiggy.) "I just meant for the food. Get your mind out of the gutter, Laverne."</p><p>She actually blushed.  She was so pretty.  He wanted to carry her off to bed and kiss her everywhere.  Well, they should probably have breakfast first.</p><p>They were about to sit at the table, when someone knocked loudly and it seemed angrily.</p><p>"Your father?" Lenny whispered in terror. He wondered if he could escape through the dumbwaiter.  He'd rather face Squiggy than Mr. DeFazio.  Dying of embarrassment was better than actually dying.</p><p>She shook her head and whispered back, "I don't think it's Pop."</p><p>He wondered how she could be so sure. Then again, if her father had slept over in his wife's apartment and heard his daughter's bed squeaking, he would've come right over, not given them time to shower, dress, and make breakfast.</p><p>"Shirley, I know you're in there!"</p><p>Carmine. Not as bad as Mr. DeFazio, since he wouldn't be mad at Lenny or Laverne, but he was still a tough, angry Italian man.</p><p>Laverne yelled, "Just a minute, Carmine!" Then she whispered, "I'll deal with him. You go hide in the bedroom."</p><p>Lenny nodded.  He felt like a coward, but he knew it wouldn't do her reputation any favors if Carmine saw Lenny in her pajamas.</p><p>"Laverne? Is Shirley awake?"</p><p>"Uh, I'm not sure," Laverne answered truthfully. She gestured that Lenny should get out of sight.</p><p>He did but not before he gave her a quick kiss on the mouth.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Shirley stood outside the gates of the movie studio and took a deep breath.  She had asked herself what she would do if Laverne were there, but this was harder on her own.  Of course, Laverne was the better dancer, but Shirley, with her apple cheeks, could more easily pass for a teenager.</p><p>She hadn't told her mother her plan.  She didn't feel like being called crazy again, even if she was.</p><p>"Not that it's not nice to see you, Dimples, but you came all the way out here, by plane, just for a broken arm? And you only started dating this boy a week ago!"</p><p>Her mother swore that was the worst of the injury, although she hadn't gone to the hospital herself and had no intention to. Shirley was relieved it wasn't worse, but it wasn't like a sprained ankle or a scraped elbow.</p><p>Shirley ate the hearty breakfast her mother prepared and then said, "I'm going out for awhile."</p><p>"To see him?" Mama asked.</p><p>"No, just to the park." Shirley wasn't lying.  It was too early in the day for visiting hours, she'd decided, and she was starting to form her plan.</p><p>Her mother seemed surprised, but just said, "It's a lovely day for it."</p><p>Shirley went back to the guest room and changed into sandals, shorts, a bra, and a plain pale blue T-shirt.  She didn't even bother with her morning grooming beyond a quick brush of her hair.  She could do all that when she got back.</p><p>The park was only a few blocks away, as she recalled from her mother's letters.  And sure enough, there was a newsstand along the way.</p><p>She knew a little about show business from Carmine, and from Laverne's gossip magazines.  She asked the news vendor, "Excuse me, Sir, what trade magazine do you recommend to find audition listings?"</p><p>The elderly vendor looked mildly amused, like she didn't exactly look like a starlet.  But he also had an expression like he'd seen it all, as if he'd been there since the silent era.  He recommended a magazine and a newspaper.  She thanked him and bought both.</p><p>She took them to the park and found an empty bench.  It was a lovely summer morning, although her mother had warned her it would get muggy, and smoggy, later.</p><p>She flipped through the paper first, since it was daily and would have more up-to-date listings.  She didn't find what she was looking for, so she moved on to the weekly magazine.</p><p>And there it was, the name of the studio her mother had told her.  And they were having an "open cattle call" that morning, in two hours!  They were looking for young female background dancers for a teenage musical.  She knew it was a crazy way to try to get into the studio, and she really wished Laverne were there.  But she didn't have a better plan.</p><p>So she went home, showered, and did her hair and makeup in what she hoped was a more youthful manner than usual.  She didn't know offhand what the kids were wearing these days, other than what she saw on TV.  And it wasn't like she had time to go shopping.  She settled on the same blue T-shirt, with jeans, bobby socks, and sneakers.</p><p>Her mother raised her eyebrows at her appearance, especially since Shirley was now dressed warmer than before.  "You didn't want to wear shorts to the hospital?"</p><p>"I'm not going to the hospital until later.  I'm just going out to explore a little, on my own," she added, in case Mama had any ideas about tagging along.</p><p>"Well, be careful out there.  This is the big city, Dimples." Shirley was about to point out that she'd been to New York and Chicago, although never on her own, and Milwaukee wasn't exactly a small town.  Then her mother continued, "Especially since you look like you're twelve."</p><p>Shirley had been aiming for sixteen, but maybe the little ponytails were a bad idea.  She wished she had enough time to do a beehive.</p><p>She kissed her mother on the cheek, careful not to smear her cherry pink lipstick.  "I will, Mama." She knew her mother meant well.</p><p>"Have a good day, Dimples.  And here's the spare key in case I'm not here when you get back."</p><p>Shirley almost asked her mother for advice about the buses, but she didn't want to press her luck.  She took the key, put it in her purse, thanked her mother, and headed out again.</p><p>The vendor did a double take at her outfit, but he was happy to tell her the best route to the movie studio.  He wished her luck as she ran for the bus stop.</p><p>And now here she was, outside the studio gates. She expected to see a long line of starlets, but she was the only one out there.  Had she got the time wrong?  She hoped she wasn't too late.</p><p>She was just about to reach into her purse and find the ad she'd torn out, when she saw Antonio drive up in a fancy convertible.  His hair was shorter and neither of his arms seemed to be broken.  When she gasped his name, he looked at her with surprise as great as her own.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Spitting Feathers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carmine was even angrier with Shirley when Laverne said she had to unlock the door before she could let him in.  The girls had been out of the habit of locking their front door for years, even though it meant that Lenny and Squiggy could and did burst in at all hours.  He couldn't help taking it personally, as if Shirley was avoiding him.</p><p>He'd been stewing about this thing between her and Antonio since he found out on Sunday.  It was nothing against Laverne's cousin.  Antonio was a good guy, a good roommate. But it wasn't usually like Shirley to get swept off her feet like this, not to the point of considering marriage.</p><p>Carmine had gone through a lot of emotions that week: shock, disbelief, concern, and jealousy, before setting back into anger.  He found that he was not that angry at Antonio for seducing Shirley into making out and then wanting to do "the honorable thing." Carmine was very aware of how irresistible Shirley was.  Plus, Antonio was Italian, and Carmine well knew that it wasn't just a stereotype about being passionate and romantic.  He had that side himself, but he also had what he thought of as his level-headed American side.</p><p>And, yes, Shirley had both her romantic and practical sides.  And, yes, Carmine had heard about, from Lenny and Squiggy, Ensign Benson.  And, yes, Carmine wasn't blind, so he knew how good-looking Antonio was. And sweet and strong and apparently brave, since he not only dealt with wild beasts but was facing the scarier-than-she-looked Mrs. Feeney.  It wasn't Shirley's brothers as much as her mother who kept Carmine on his best behavior with Shirley on Prom Night, and indeed all through high school.</p><p>He had suspected Shirley had a little crush on Antonio, and it wasn't like he and Shirley were exclusive after graduation, although they did go steady in high school.  (Not that that stopped him from joining in when he was a running back and Anne Marie "practiced with the football team." That was all above the waist, and Carmine figured God had forgiven him since "Nutsy" went on to become a nun.)</p><p>Carmine still felt blind-sided by this thing with Shirley and Antonio. It felt really sudden, unless it had been smoldering between them for awhile.  He'd assumed at first that Saturday was the first time they'd made out, but was it? After all, Carmine got the story from Squiggy, who'd heard it from Antonio, who may've cleaned it up a little to protect Shirley's reputation.  Maybe it wasn't just making out. After all, who feels he has to marry a girl after a little necking? Especially in this day and age. Sure, Antonio was from a small, traditional Italian town, but it wasn't like he was fresh off the boat anymore. Carmine and their friends in the building had introduced him to TV and rock &amp; roll.</p><p>What if Antonio and Shirley did the dirty deed? That would explain why she couldn't just say straight out whether she would or would not marry Antonio.  But how could she do that? Just because she had the apartment to herself while Laverne was in Chicago? Had Shirley been planning this or did it just happen?  Carmine wasn't sure which would've been worse.</p><p>And what happened to Shirley saving herself for an eligible young doctor? She made Carmine take cold showers for almost a decade, but then she possibly gave herself to a guy she met just a few months ago. </p><p>And it wasn't like she and Antonio had told anyone they were involved.  Antonio didn't tell anyone until he told, for some reason, Squiggy, before riding off to California.  And Shirley probably wouldn't have said a word to even Laverne, if Squiggy hadn't spilled the beans, as anyone but too trusting Antonio would've known he would.</p><p>Carmine didn't have enough time to cycle through all these thoughts as he stood on the girls' doorstep, but he'd had all week to stew about it.  He'd finally decided that since it was Saturday, he needed to have it out with Shirley. She couldn't claim that she had to run off to work, or was tired from work.</p><p>Finally, Laverne unlocked and opened the door.  Carmine ran down the couple steps into the living room.  He looked around but there was no sign of Shirley.  She couldn't have slept through his yelling and knocking, could she? "Where's Shirley?" he demanded.</p><p>Laverne closed but didn't lock the front door, which further convinced him that Shirley had been locking him out. "Shirley can't exactly talk to you right now."</p><p>He scowled and went over to the closed bedroom door.  He knocked loudly on that and yelled, "Open up!  We've gotta talk!"</p><p>He reeled when Lenny whined, "Do we have to?"</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Sonny had a lot on his mind as he drove to the studio. He'd been looking forward to today's audition all week, well, until what happened yesterday afternoon.  It was his first musical and he was going to get to help select the background dancers.  So essentially he was going to spend his Saturday morning ogling pretty girls, and get paid for it.</p><p>But now he wouldn't be able to enjoy it because he felt guilty about the accident.  He should've spoken up. The stuntman was obviously inexperienced, but he got hired because he looked like Sonny.  True, the stunt wasn't that dangerous.  Sonny probably could've even done it himself but, as the star, he wasn't supposed to.  And then the stuntman misjudged the timing and broke his arm.</p><p>The studio didn't think it was an important enough injury to shut down production, so everything was proceeding as planned.  They were holding these auditions this morning, and then on Monday they'd call back the other stuntmen.  They'd choose someone with more experience although less resemblance to Sonny.</p><p>And the poor schnook who took on more than he could handle?  The studio was paying for his stay at Good Samaritan.  This was not out of generosity. They were covering their asses so the guy, Antonio DeFazio, wouldn't sue.</p><p>Sonny knew it wasn't really his fault, but he felt weirdly protective of this poor naïve immigrant, like Antonio was his kid brother or something.  He wanted to visit him in the hospital, but the studio discouraged that.  He wasn't supposed to get involved, although he felt like he already was.</p><p>And then when he got to the studio, some little girl seemed to be waiting for him.  He was getting used to fans and he ordinarily would've waved her over so he could sign an autograph.  But she gasped someone else's name, Antonio's.</p><p>He turned his head in great surprise.  It wasn't like the stuntman would have fans of his own.  Maybe this girl, who looked about twelve, was Antonio's kid sister or something. Maybe she had come to the studio to complain and then she saw Sonny and realized that he must be the one that DeFazio had doubled for.</p><p>Then she asked, in a surprisingly mature voice, "Where did you get the car?"</p><p>"Um, at a dealership in Santa Monica."</p><p>"Antonio, what happened to your accent?"</p><p>He knew he didn't have time to deal with this.  He had to get to the dancers' cattle call.  But he felt sorry for this poor kid and her maybe brother.  He waved her over and said, "Get in."</p><p>Maybe her parents never told her to not get rides with strangers, or maybe she didn't think of Sonny as a stranger.  She came over and hopped into the back seat of his convertible.  The guard opened the gates and Sonny drove in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Knock Over with a Feather</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Between Lenny going to hide in the bedroom and herself unlocking the front door, Laverne quickly hid Lenny's T-shirt and her own bra and jersey, under the sofa.  She was glad they hadn't stripped below the waist outside the bedroom.</p><p>In the short time she had to form a plan, she decided she would ease into the explanation of Shirley's absence as gently as she could.  She knew it wouldn't exactly calm Carmine down, but it looked like she was going to be the person dealing with everyone's anger, surprise, and confusion.</p><p>Unfortunately, the closed bedroom door drew Carmine like a cat. She had to hope that Lenny would just keep quiet, and then if Carmine asked why the door was shut, she'd just say the room was a mess. (Which it was, after fooling around with Lenny.)</p><p>But Lenny spoke up, as she should've known he would.  Well, it wasn't as disastrous as if it were her father catching Lenny in her bedroom.</p><p>"Lenny? What are you doing in the girls' bedroom?" Clearly, Carmine was going to give them the benefit of the doubt.  Maybe it was too hard to believe that Laverne finally gave Lenny a chance after all this time. Or maybe Carmine had been so focused on Shirley and Antonio that he hadn't spared much thought to what exactly had happened between Laverne and Lenny in Chicago, or after.</p><p>"Um, painting the floor."</p><p>"Painting the floor," Carmine repeated.</p><p>"Yeah, and I painted myself into a corner, so I have to wait for it to dry before I can come out there."</p><p>Carmine looked at her. "Laverne, what the hell is going on?"</p><p>Her pity kept her from laughing.  "You want some breakfast?  There's plenty."</p><p>He looked over at the table and smiled. "Lenny must've worked up a hell of an appetite, 'painting your floor.' "</p><p>She was embarrassed but relieved. If he could tease her, then he must be less angry now. And she was a good enough friend to sacrifice her reputation for the sake of Shirley and Carmine's friendship.  Whatever was happening with Shirley and Antonio, it looked like Shirley and Carmine were definitely exes, but Laverne could help them be civilized about it.</p><p>She went back to the kitchen and Carmine followed.  They sat down.  She knew there would be plenty for all three of them.  She'd given Lenny the choice of making waffles, English muffins, or toast, but he misunderstood and made all of them.  Instead of stopping him, she just made extra omelets.</p><p>"So I'm guessing Shirley isn't hiding in the bedroom with Lenny."</p><p>"Uh, no. She's in California."</p><p>"I just saw her at the Pizza Bowl on Thursday!"</p><p>"Well, she took a plane last night."</p><p>"Oh!  Is her mom OK?"</p><p>"Yeah, but Antonio isn't." Seeing the alarm on his face, she hastened to add, "Mrs. Feeney said it was just a broken arm.  But we were still worried about him, so Shirley took the soonest flight she could.</p><p>"Were you planning to tell me all this, or was I gonna have to hear about it from Squiggy?"</p><p>She understood his irritation, although it wasn't her fault.  "I was waiting until I heard again from Shirl before telling you or Pop."  She decided not to mention telling Squiggy, since that had been Lenny's idea.</p><p>"But you told Lenny."</p><p>It had felt natural to turn to Lenny in a crisis.  Not that there was much he could say or do in this situation, but it was comforting to have him around.  And obviously he had proved a welcome distraction.</p><p>"Well, yeah."</p><p>"Are you two...?"</p><p>She wasn't exactly sure what he was asking, and maybe he wasn't either. Aware that Lenny might be eavesdropping, she settled for "We're together now."</p><p>"Yeah, I wondered.  Good luck."</p><p>She wasn't offended that he didn't congratulate her.  She and Lenny were very unlucky people, especially when it came to love.  And, while they had a lot in common and what was turning out to be greater chemistry than she'd ever realized, being involved with Lenny definitely wasn't going to be easy.  "Thanks."</p><p>Carmine glanced over at the bedroom door and looked like he had other questions but was hesitant to ask them while Lenny was around.  Or maybe he remembered why he'd come over, because he looked at her again and asked, "And what's really going on with Shirley and Antonio?"</p><p>She sighed wearily.  "You'd think I'd know, my best friend and my favorite cousin. But I haven't seen him since before I went to Chicago, and Shirl and I, um, haven't discussed our love lives much this week.  I think he fell for her real quick, and then maybe really fell, breaking his arm. And she liked him already, but now she has to figure out how much."</p><p>"Do you think that they'll get married?"</p><p>Laverne thought it was more likely that they'd have a fling, if their lust won out over their old-fashionedness, but of course she couldn't tell Carmine that.  She shrugged. "Anything is possible."</p><p>He teased, "Like you and Lenny?"</p><p>"Shut up and eat."</p><p>"Actually, I already had breakfast." He stood up and grabbed a piece of toast. "Let me know when you hear from Shirley."</p><p>"OK."  She didn't promise he'd be the first to know.</p><p>She started eating as soon as he left.</p><p>Lenny cautiously opened the bedroom door a minute later.  "Is he gone now?"</p><p>"Uh huh."</p><p>"Without breakin' nothin'?"</p><p>She swallowed two bites of waffle.  "He's probably jealous but there's nothing he can do about it until Shirley comes home."</p><p>He stepped into the living room and said, "It's like the song goes, love is strange."</p><p>The front door, which Carmine had closed after him, swung open.  "Hello..., Young Lovers, whoever you are."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Meanwhile, Antonio was lost in another medically induced slumber, dreaming of taking Shirley to meet his family and his goats, unaware of the reality in which his impetuous decisions were affecting at least a dozen other people directly, and perhaps hundreds indirectly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Ab Ovo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny was trying to focus on his breakfast, as Squiggy beamed at him and Laverne in a manner that was half that of an indulgent uncle and half that of a creepy uncle.</p><p>"So you two crazy kids finally got off your cans and got some ass."</p><p>"Shut up, Squiggy," Laverne said without conviction.</p><p>Lenny wasn't saying a word because he didn't want to make things worse.  He was relieved that Squiggy wasn't getting possessive about Lenny having a serious girlfriend.  When Squiggy fell in love, which he did on a regular if shallow basis, Lenny was almost always fine with it.  (The big exception was Vivian McCafferty, who had used Squiggy without having the common courtesy to put out.)  Maybe it was that Lenny knew none of these loves would last; none would really take Squiggy away from him.  So why shouldn't the little guy have some joy, or some Francine, or some...?</p><p>Squiggy was different. Lenny could admit, at least to Laverne, if Squiggy wasn't listening, that he loved his best friend.  Squiggy would've thought such a confession was unmanly.  And yet Squiggy could be very needy.  He was actually furious and distraught when, after telling Lenny not to come home one night while Squiggy had a heavy date, Lenny didn't come home. Then Squiggy jumped to the conclusion that Lenny had spent the night with Shirley.</p><p>His crush on Shirley was different than Lenny's on Laverne, in that he hoped to someday get her clothes off, but he wanted to be her first.  Lenny didn't at all mind that Laverne wasn't a virgin by the time he got to be with her. After all, she'd kissed literally thousands of men and that just made her a better kisser. Whatever she'd done in Randy Carpenter's bed, or any other bed, or any sofas or cars, just made her a better lover.  Not that he wanted her to be with anyone else in the future, but he didn't hold her past against her.</p><p>Getting back to Squiggy, he was initially relieved when Lenny told him, as Lenny then thought, that he and Laverne were in love with each other.  And then as it sunk in, Squiggy was happy for them.  Now that Lenny and Laverne were together, even if Laverne probably wasn't in love with Lenny yet, Squiggy seemed delighted.  If nothing else, he was proud that Lenny finally got something off Laverne, although it wasn't just sex.</p><p>No one had told Squiggy that they'd done the not so dirty deed.  It was a conclusion he jumped to based on Lenny being out all night and last being seen in the company of Laverne.  Finding Lenny in Laverne's pajama bottoms on a Saturday morning, when Shirley was very much out of town, confirmed that conclusion. Lenny just had to hope Squiggy wasn't going to ask him for details, either in front of Laverne or in their apartment later.</p><p>Squiggy shut up long enough to eat more of his omelet.  Then he swallowed and asked, "Did my boy perform to your satisfraction?"</p><p>Lenny felt like crawling under the table.</p><p>Laverne smiled a little. "No complaints."</p><p>"Good, good.  I don't have to ask how you were.  He used to almost jizz in his pants every time you kissed him."</p><p>Lenny still loved Squiggy, but right then he wanted to hit his best friend with the toaster.</p><p>"How flattering.  So is this why you came over, or are you here for the food?"</p><p>"Neither," Squiggy said, reaching for the ketchup, to put on his waffles. "I thought you might've heard from Shirley."</p><p>"I think it's a little early for that."</p><p>"I'll wait," Squiggy said as he hit the bottle.</p><p>Lenny knew to duck, but Laverne didn't.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>It felt unreal for Shirley to be riding in a fancy convertible driven by a rising star who strongly resembled the man who wanted to marry her.  She had heard of Sonny St. Jacques, but she must not have seen a picture, moving or still.</p><p>When the guard at the gates greeted him with "Good morning, Mr. St. Jacques.  They're waiting for you at Lot Four," Shirley began to realize her understandable mistake.</p><p>As the actor parked in a space that she noted was not marked with his name, he said, "This'll just take a minute.  I'm not required to be here today. I just wanted to be."</p><p>"Well, maybe I could come back later." She thought of stopping by the hospital meanwhile, to see what she could find out, whether or not it was still too early for visitors.</p><p>"No, no, this is much more important.  I'll make my excuses and then we can go somewhere and talk."</p><p>She nodded and figured she'd wait in the car.  But when he got out, he looked at her as if he expected her to follow.  She did of course, knowing that Laverne would want to know all about the movie studio. Well, Shirley would probably tell her in person, since she'd want to focus on Antonio's condition when she called home.</p><p>The movie studio looked like studios she'd seen in magazines and childhood newsreels and, well, movies.  Lot Four, however, was filled with what a newsreel announcer would've called "a bevy of bathing beauties," all in bikinis or not much else.  The girls glared at her for arriving with the star, although if this was the cattle call, she was sure she wouldn't have stood a chance of being cast.</p><p>Mr. St. Jacques led her over to three men, a fat, balding one with a cigar and two skinny ones with glasses.  "I'm so sorry, but my little cousin is in town and I promised my aunt and uncle I'd take her to Disneyland."</p><p>"Now?" said the taller skinny man, who she would guess was the director.</p><p>"I'll be back on Monday."</p><p>The man with a cigar, who she thought might be the producer, threw his hands in the air in consternation. "Fine, have fun with little...."</p><p>Shirley supplied her own first name, so the men wouldn't wonder why Sonny didn't know his own cousin's name.</p><p>The shorter man with glasses hadn't said anything, but he now spoke up and said, "Sonny, I'll have the rewrite of the action scene done by Monday."</p><p>"Uh, good, thank you." Sonny and the three men exchanged farewells and then he led Shirley back to the car. He now seemed oblivious to the girls trying to catch his attention.</p><p>When they got in the car, he said, "I'd suggest we go get some coffee, but I don't want to stunt your growth."</p><p>"I'm twenty-four.  This is as stunted as I get."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Mother Hen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So, Lenny and Squiggy are in your living room watching <i>Mighty Mouse</i> and counting money, and Lenny is wearing your pajamas."</p><p>Since Laverne's back was turned as she loaded the dryer, Edna's voice startled her, although the content of the greeting did not.</p><p>Laverne straightened and turned to face her stepmother. "Yeah, that's what they were doing when I left.  Well, <i>Captain Kangaroo</i>."</p><p>She'd decided to do the laundry after breakfast, since it needed doing and it was clear she wasn't going to get any more alone time with Lenny that morning.  While on the one hand, she definitely wanted to go to bed with Lenny again (and again and again), she knew she needed some time to herself to think about everything that had happened in the past week, especially the past twenty-four hours.</p><p>Also, she knew that it was for the best to let Squiggy stay, at least until they heard from Shirley, or until night fell, whichever came first.  She'd always known that he and Lenny were sort of a package deal.  If she got with Lenny, what would happen to Squiggy? It would've been a neat solution (both tidy and nice) to pair off Lenny's best friend with her best friend. However, while Laverne was drawn to Lenny, Shirley was usually repulsed by Squiggy.  Even if Shirley had ever been interested in Squiggy, she was currently the point of a confusing triangle, although maybe still hoping to find her dream doctor.  At the same time, Squiggy was bound to complain very loudly and frequently if he felt pushed out of Lenny's life, and Laverne didn't want the aggravation.</p><p>During breakfast, she decided to think of Squiggy as sort of a brother-in-law. Not that she and Lenny were married, or going to be any time soon, and not the boys were brothers. But he came with the territory of being Lenny's girlfriend. So if he wanted to hang out in her apartment, especially when Shirley wasn't around, that was a small price to pay to "keep peace in the family." She would draw the line when she had to, even kicking out both boys as needed, but sharing her food and her television was not a big deal or particularly new.  For her sake and Squiggy's, she wanted things to feel as unchanged as possible. She knew it was more complicated for Lenny, who wanted to both dedicate his life to her and remain inseparable from his roommate. As for Shirley, she was probably not going to be happy about Lenny getting into Laverne's pajamas or panties, but Laverne hopefully had at least a week before she had to deal with that.  There was a small risk that Shirley would call while Laverne was down in the laundry room, with Squiggy's hello greeting her, but Laverne was hoping the time difference would buy some extra time.</p><p>"Should I ask?" Edna asked.</p><p>Laverne sighed and leaned against the half emptied washer. She didn't want her stepmother to have to keep secrets from her father, but it was best that Pop know something although not everything. "Lenny is my boyfriend now."</p><p>"Oh."</p><p>"Are you surprised?"</p><p>"Less than I was a few minutes ago.  But I've noticed that you two have been getting closer in the four years since I met you.  Well, I think he's always been interested in you, but I wasn't sure how you felt about him."</p><p>"I wasn't sure either.  I'm still not.  But I decided it was time to start figuring that out."</p><p>"Especially with Shirley out of town."</p><p>"What did the boys tell you about Shirley?"</p><p>Edna shook her head.  "They said Shirley caught the pink eye to go see Antonio, who broke his arm to make her his ball and chain."  After Laverne translated, Edna said, "I leave the building for one night! And what about the money the boys were counting?"</p><p>Laverne had to explain about Squiggy's waitressing tips.  "...Can you do me a favor and not tell Pop any of this just yet?"</p><p>"All right, but I worry about all you kids.  You're not just tenants, you know. Especially you, Honey."</p><p>"Aw, thanks, Mom."</p><p>The two women hugged.</p><p>When they let go, the older woman told the younger, "If you want to talk later, about any of this, you know where to find me."</p><p>"I'll check the schedule."</p><p>Edna laughed. "I'll let you get back to your laundry."</p><p>"Thanks, Edna."</p><p>After the landlady left, the tenant from the basement finished loading the dryer and started it up.  Then she was lost in thought as her lover's jeans danced with her sheets.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>"Mr. DeFazio, your brother is here to see you."</p><p>Antonio yawned and blinked.  He couldn't stretch because one arm was in a cast.  He wanted to tell the nurse he didn't have a brother, but then he vaguely remembered a man who looked like him.  "Please send him in."</p><p>The nurse nodded and left.</p><p>A minute later, a familiar face entered the room. Well, it was his own face, but on the head of someone with an expensive haircut. And it was a head he'd seen very recently, for the first time.</p><p>"Hello, Antonio."</p><p>"Hello...?"</p><p>"It's sunny."</p><p>"Well, it is summertime, in California." Antonio remembered that now.</p><p>The stranger smiled.  "My name is Sonny St. Jacques."</p><p>"Oh!  The actor."  Antonio frowned as he remembered how they met.</p><p>"I'm very sorry about your accident."</p><p>"It is my own stupid fault. Like a goat, I bit off more than I could digest."</p><p>"Uh, maybe. But the studio bears some responsibility for not having all the necessary precautions in place."</p><p>Antonio shook his still foggy head. "God was punishing me for listening to my heart and loins instead of my brain and conscience."</p><p>"Don't be so hard on yourself. If God weren't on your side, there wouldn't be a sweet, pretty girl worrying about you in the waiting room."</p><p>"Shirley? No, that is impossible! I left her waiting in Milwaukee."</p><p>"She heard about your accident and immediately flew out to see you."</p><p>"That darling girl!  Please bring her to me."</p><p>"I will, but first you need to understand that she's had to lie sort of like I've had to, in order for the hospital to let us see you."</p><p>"I have to pretend to be her brother, too?"</p><p>"No, but she told the front desk she's your fiancée."</p><p>"She is my fiancée. Unless her mother has put her feet down."</p><p>"I'll let her explain."</p><p>Mr. St. Jacques left and a couple minutes later returned with Shirley.  She was as lovely as ever, although dressed as if she was a younger girl than she was.</p><p>She came over to his bedside and asked, "How are you feeling?"</p><p>"A little dizzy from the medicine.  Are you real or another dream?"</p><p>She smiled down at him like an angel.  "I'm real."</p><p>He wanted to smile back but he remembered what Sonny said.  "But we're not engaged?"</p><p>"Oh, Antonio, I care deeply for you, but it's too soon for me to make that sort of commitment."</p><p>"Oh." He didn't know if she was influenced by her mother, or if it was that common sense of her own, which he usually admired.</p><p>"But, unless you're planning to stay in California, I'd like to take you back to Wisconsin with me.  I mean, as soon as the doctor says it's safe to travel."</p><p>"That would be wonderful!  But how can we afford it?"</p><p>Mr. St. Jacques was standing far enough away to give them a little privacy, but he said, "I'll take care of that."</p><p>"You are very kind."</p><p>"Hey, anything for family."</p><p>Shirley kissed Antonio's cheek.  "Get some more rest, Sweetie, and I'll be back tomorrow."</p><p>"Get well, Little Brother," said the lookalike in the doorway.</p><p>"Thank you both," Antonio murmured and drifted off without saying goodbye.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Love Nest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny didn't care if Squiggy would call him whipped.  As soon as Laverne returned from the laundry room, he leapt from the couch to help her.</p><p>"You're so domestic," she said, but her teasing was affectionate.</p><p>He wondered if she was remembering, as he was, the time he helped her carry up a gigantic load of laundry, and he asked her not to tell anyone he did domestic.  She necked with him later that evening, not because of that, but so he would tell her about the science experiments he and Squiggy were guinea pigs for to earn extra cash.  He now hoped they would at least neck today, but it would be rude to just kick Squiggy out, especially before Shirley called.</p><p>He and Laverne were standing by the front door, making goo-goo eyes at each other, the best kind of goo-goo eyes, where you've gone all the way and you're still hot for each other.  And then the phone rang.</p><p>"Hello," Squiggy automatically answered.  "What am I doing here? What are you doing there?  You need to start thinking about your reputation, Shirley Feeney."</p><p>Laverne wrestled the phone away from Squiggy. "Hello, Shirl?  Have you seen him?  How is he?"</p><p>Lenny wanted to hold her free hand, give her comfort, but Squiggy was there and Lenny was holding the laundry basket.  He went over to the couch and started folding the laundry. Squiggy smirked but didn't say anything, yet.</p><p>"Uh huh. Who? Oh, wow! That's real sweet. He is? For how long? Let me know. I will. Goodbye."</p><p>It wasn't a very long call, even counting the pauses for Shirley to explain, but it was long distance.  Laverne shook her head and then came over to sit next to Lenny.</p><p>Squiggy remained standing. "Well?"</p><p>"Antonio became a stuntman to earn some quick money so he could impress Shirley's mother, and he broke his arm, but that seems to be the worst of it. The actor he was doubling for, Sonny St. Jacques, feels real bad about it, even though the studio just wants to pay Antonio off, including his hospital stay, and keep him from suing.  They think he's just this dumb, muscle-bound immigrant. And you know Antonio. He's so nice and he doesn't want to make waves."</p><p>"Like Shirley," Lenny said.</p><p>"Yeah, she just wants to bring him home to Milwaukee, although I don't know how Carmine's gonna feel about living with him now, because of Shirley."</p><p>"He could have Lenny's bed."</p><p>"Where am I supposed to sleep?"</p><p>"Here of course."</p><p>"With Shirley around?"</p><p>"How about everybody sleeps in their own bed and we let Carmine and Antonio work things out themselves?" Laverne said.</p><p>"Do you want me to tell him, since I'm heading upstairs anyway?" Squiggy offered.</p><p>"Nah, I'll do it.  I've gotta talk to Pop, too.  And maybe the zoo, although that can probably wait until I know when Antonio's actually coming back."</p><p>Squiggy nodded and said, "Lenny, try to get some rest this weekend.  Remember, you've got to drive a truck in less than forty-eight hours."</p><p>"Uh, thanks, Squig."</p><p>"Laverne, I leave him in your culpable hands."</p><p>"I appreciate it."  She waited until Squiggy had closed the door behind him before she took Lenny's hand and said, "Now where were we?"</p><p>"I should probably go, too."</p><p>She pouted.  "Already?"</p><p>"It's not that I want to, but you know.  If I don't go now, it'll be tougher to go later."</p><p>She softly kissed his cheek.  "You're right.  But I'll call up through the dumbwaiter when I'm free."</p><p>"OK, I won't go nowhere.  I'll probably just nap."</p><p>"I wish I could nap with you."</p><p>He stroked her hair. "In the top bunk?"</p><p>"Or in my narrow bed."</p><p>"I'd like that, although we might not get much sleep."</p><p>They kissed on the lips. He still couldn't get enough of the taste of her.</p><p>He was just thinking about suggesting they kiss and nap in the bedroom, when someone knocked loudly and bellowed his girlfriend's first name.  He let go of her, grabbed the laundry, and hid in the bedroom from her father.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Shirley hung up the phone and sighed. She had tried to keep the call short, although she wouldn't have to pay for it.  She didn't further question why Squiggy was the one to answer, since it was hardly the first time he'd done that with her phone.  It had struck her as odd that he was there on a Saturday morning, but probably both boys had come over to watch TV, which she could hear in the background, and keep Laverne company in this uncertain time.</p><p>She thought of Squiggy asking why she was "there" and worrying about her reputation.  She knew he'd meant there in California, flying to see the man who wanted to marry her.  But if Squiggy could've seen her precise location, he would've scolded even more.</p><p>When she and Mr. St. Jacques went out for coffee, she explained who she was and how she met Antonio.  So when they left Antonio's hospital room, he asked, "Do you want to call home?"</p><p>She shook her head. "I'll explain to Mama when I get back."</p><p>"I mean to Milwaukee.  Your roommate must be worried."</p><p>He was right of course, but she didn't relish calling Laverne from Mama's, and not just because of the expense.</p><p>As if reading her mind, he said, "You can call from my place if you want.  It'll be easier than a pay phone, and it won't cost you anything."</p><p>They argued politely about his generosity, before she gave in. She didn't say anything about how inappropriate it was for her to go to the home of a bachelor she just met that morning. That he was an actor who bore a striking resemblance to her handsome new boyfriend only complicated matters.</p><p>She was naturally attracted to Sonny, as he insisted she call him.  How could she not be?  She doubted it was mutual though. She saw all those glamorous "cattle call" women eager to throw themselves at him, with the slightest encouragement.</p><p>Also, he thought she was twelve when he first saw her.  In the coffee shop restroom, she'd taken her hair out of ponytails and put on more sophisticated makeup.  She told herself it was for Antonio's sake, which it mostly was.  Yet she couldn't help thinking that she not only could more easily pass as his fiancée if she didn't look like a child bride, but she would be a more fitting companion for Sonny to be seen in public with.  Not that she wanted to end up in the gossip columns, but this was Hollywood after all.</p><p>And maybe there was vanity involved, a need for Sonny to find her at least a little attractive.  Not that she needed further romantic complications obviously, but she wanted him to see her as more than the little girlfriend of his stunt double.</p><p>She looked at herself in the full-length mirror next to his walk-in closet.  Her self-appraisal shifted from vanity to disapproval.  "Don't be a floozy," she whispered to her reflection.  Then she smoothed her hair and went out to the living room.</p><p>Sonny's apartment was not much different than other bachelor apartments she'd been to.  In terms of luxury and cleanliness, it was about halfway between Lenny and Squiggy's cave and the home of a Rock Hudson character in a Doris Day movie.  Sonny lived alone, which made her a little nervous, although not so nervous that she'd refused his offer to call from the bedroom for more privacy.</p><p>He had his shoes off and was drinking a can of Shotz.  He definitely didn't look like he was in a hurry to go anywhere else.  He raised the can in her direction, as if toasting her, but he said, "Want one?"</p><p>"No thank you.  But thanks very much for the use of your telephone."</p><p>"You're welcome. It wasn't a very long call."</p><p>"I'll go into more detail in person.  Besides, I didn't want to run up your bill."</p><p>He waved his free hand dismissively.  "It's cheaper on weekends.  And I feel like I owe Antonio."</p><p>She dropped down to the other side of his brown leather scallop sofa.  "And you'll really pay for our transportation home?"</p><p>"Hell, I'd pay for a lawyer if he wanted to sue, but it sounds like he doesn't plan to."</p><p>It occurred to her that Sonny's real loyalty might be to the movie studio that could halt his rising career.  But, unlike Laverne, she chose to believe the best of people, until proven otherwise.  "That's very generous, but it's just a broken arm, and Antonio's needs are very simple."</p><p>"I'm the same."</p><p>She wanted to laugh, thinking of his fancy convertible and this far from modest apartment. Then again, maybe this was a simple lifestyle by Hollywood standards.  And the car could've been a gift from the studio for signing with them.</p><p>He took another sip and then set down the beer can on the teak boomerang coffee table. "So, what mode of transportation do you prefer?  To get home to Milwaukee I mean."</p><p>"Well, I want Antonio to be as comfortable as possible. A plane would be the fastest of course, but there might be turbulence. On the other hand, I don't want him to spend days on a cramped bus."</p><p>"What about a train?"</p><p>"Yes, that would be a smoother ride, and he could get up and walk more, instead of mostly having to stay in his seat, like on a plane or bus."</p><p>"Actually, I meant a sleeper compartment. He could get in and out of a lower bunk pretty easily."</p><p>She remembered the train ride back from Moose Jaw, Canada, which had been smooth and comfortable, with none of the murder and mayhem of the journey north.  "That sounds nice."</p><p>"One compartment or two?"</p><p>She blushed.  If she shared Antonio's compartment, she could help him and he wouldn't have to call a porter.  She had always wanted to be a nurse, and not just to meet eligible doctors.  However, she knew that that would not do her reputation any favors.  She trusted him, especially with one arm out of commission, but she knew how the situation would look.</p><p>"So you're not lovers yet?"</p><p>She blushed more.</p><p>"I'm sorry.  You're a nice girl and he's old-fashioned."</p><p>"It's not that we're not attracted to each other.  He's gorgeous and, uh, I mean."</p><p>He smiled lazily at the compliment for his lookalike. "You're pretty cute yourself, with those big blue eyes.  You're so different from Hollywood girls."</p><p>Shirley wasn't sure who kissed whom, but she would admit to Laverne a month later that it was probably her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Fussy as a Hen with One Chick</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was an old-fashioned Italian trying to deal with jet-age America.  He felt that he had coped surprisingly well, all things considered, but this was a lot to swallow.</p><p>"Tony, is this true?"</p><p>"Yes, Mr. DeFazio."</p><p>"How could you let this happen?"</p><p>The cook had shrugged.  "I thought it was funny."</p><p>Frank had been struggling to control his temper.  He'd seen Squiggy grow up from a weird little boy to a weird little man.  Squiggy could be very amusing, usually unintentionally.  Frank could see how customers would find him entertaining.  But when one of the Pizza Bowl regulars reported on the drag show happening at Frank's other restaurant, he was understandably concerned.</p><p>"Maybe once is funny, but a whole week?  Or however long you've hired him for."</p><p>"I didn't really hire him. He just showed up one night and kept showing up."</p><p>"Well, if he shows up tonight, send him home. Same thing if his friend Lenny shows up.  They know they're supposed to stay away from the diner anyway."</p><p>"Laverne's tall, skinny boyfriend? He just came here last night to give the Squiggman kid some bad news."</p><p>"That ain't Laverne's boyfriend.  He's just her crazy neighbor."</p><p>"Uh, sure, Frank, of course."</p><p>Frank interrogated Tony, who admitted he hadn't even seen Lenny hold hands with Laverne.  It was more what a later generation would've called a vibe.</p><p>Frank was tempted to go over to the boys' apartment and yell at them both, but he thought he should let Tony handle Squiggy, as good practice in being a boss.  As for Lenny, Frank didn't have any proof yet.  If it was true, well, Frank wasn't surprised that Lenny would want to date Laverne.  The Kosnowski kid was probably the only guy other than poor Randy to see just how wonderful Laverne was.  But why the hell would she want to date Lenny?</p><p>"Just a minute, Pop."</p><p>While he waited, he did his best to calm down.  He hadn't stopped to talk to Edna, but he knew what his sensible second wife would've said: "Frank, you don't know that they're dating.  And if they are, well, Lenny isn't the worst she could do." But Lenny wasn't the best that Laverne could do.</p><p>When Laverne opened the door, she didn't look like a woman having a mad, passionate affair.  She looked like a bottle-capper enjoying her Saturday morning off.  "What's up, Pop?"</p><p>"I need to talk to you about...the man upstairs."  He suddenly thought of Shirley and wondered how discreet he should be.  Did Shirley know about Laverne and Lenny, if there was anything to know?  Frank could not see her approving of it any more than he did.</p><p>"Oh, Gah— gosh, Pop, I know I should go to church more, but I was in Chicago last Sunday.  But I'll try to go tomorrow."</p><p>"Good, good.  If Antonio's back from his vacation, maybe we can all go." Frank didn't make it every week himself, although he tried.  He felt guilty when he thought of his devout nephew.  (Well, first cousin once removed, Laverne's second cousin, grandson of Frank's aunt who stayed in Italy when Frank's father came to America in 1900.)  Antonio was a good boy, and Frank had been surprised when Laverne told him that her cousin had gone for a week or two on a beach-side vacation.  Then again, Antonio had earned some time off from his hard and smelly job at the zoo.</p><p>"Uh, yeah, about that.  Can you sit down?"</p><p>That didn't sound good but he sat.  "Why can't we go as a family?  Are you worried about Edna?" The former Mrs. Babish was not only a Protestant but a multiple divorcée, which meant that Frank's own church didn't recognize their marriage.  This was something he struggled with the couple years they went steady, until he decided that he loved her enough that God would understand, even if Father Gucci wouldn't.  She was welcome to attend services as a guest, without taking communion, but seldom did.</p><p>"No, Pop, it's about Antonio."</p><p>"He's not back yet? Well, we can wait a week."</p><p>"No, he's, I'm not sure how to tell you this but, well, he wants to marry Shirley."</p><p>"Oh!" Frank definitely hadn't seen that coming, unlike Laverne dating Lenny, if she was.  He had to admit he'd sometimes worried that that might happen, especially after he heard about her dream of marrying Lenny when she was a very old maid.  He still needed to talk to her about that, but she kept distracting him with other topics.  "Is it that she's not Catholic?" Frank could talk to the boy about that.</p><p>"No, Pop. The thing is, she doesn't want to marry him, not yet anyway, 'cause they just got together. But before she had a chance to tell him that, he took a bus to California to get her mom's blessing. And then he broke his arm trying to make quick money. So Shirley took all our savings to fly out to see him last night."</p><p>Frank stared at her for half a minute before demanding, "When were you going to tell me this?"</p><p>"Well, I was kinda waiting to see how it turned out."</p><p>Frank got to his feet and ranted, in both English and Italian, ending with, "...And what's going on with you and Lenny?" He obviously didn't have to worry about Shirley overhearing.</p><p>"Who told you?" she asked like she was both guilty and annoyed with whoever ratted her out.</p><p>"Who told me? How many people have you told before your own father?"</p><p>"Um, three."</p><p>"Three?!" He had to rant a little about that.  Then he said, "And how long has this been going on?"</p><p>"Um, what time is it?"</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"Well, we started dating last night, after we took Shirley to the airport."</p><p>"Oh."  That made Frank feel a little better, that there wasn't all this happening behind his back.  But he still wasn't crazy about the situation.  "Why Lenny?"</p><p>"I know everyone's gonna wonder that.  He's crude and weird and not the brightest guy in the world."</p><p>Frank conceded, "Well, he's better than Squiggy."</p><p>"Thanks. Lenny is also one of the few guys I've met who's both sweet and funny.  And we've got a lot in common and I dunno.  It just feels right to be with him."</p><p>Frank sighed. "OK, so you like him. I just worry about you, Muffin, especially after what happened to Randy.  Not to mention some of the bums you used to go out with."</p><p>"I know, Pop, but I trust Lenny."</p><p>"Well, I'll give you my blessing to date, but don't rush into marriage, all right?"</p><p>"Wow, Pop, I think that's the first time you haven't encouraged me to get married.  And with a Catholic boy!"</p><p>"Well, it's not like he's Italian."</p><p>They laughed and then hugged.  He decided to not bring up Squiggy's waitressing as long as Tony put a stop to it.  Laverne obviously had enough to deal with these days.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Although "saint" was part of Sonny's name, he wasn't perfect, especially when it came to women.  On the other hand, he prided himself on not being a typical Hollywood wolf.  So when Shirley kissed him, he kissed back at first, but he was the one to gently stop it.  He'd had a little beer, but it wasn't like he was drunk.</p><p>"I don't know if we should be doing this."</p><p>She started quietly weeping.</p><p>"Oh, Baby, don't cry!"</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm so confused and I'm jet-lagged and you're so nice and gorgeous, just like Antonio, but not."</p><p>"Let me get you some tissues."  He got up and went into the bedroom. He found himself looking at his full length mirror, as if he were a familiar stranger, like the poor former goatherd lying in a hospital bed, probably dreaming of the girl he loved without question.</p><p>Sonny returned to the living room with a box of Kleenex.  "Here."  He handed her the box and then sat as far from her as he could on the couch.</p><p>"Thank you." She wiped her face with a tissue, removing the more sophisticated makeup she'd put on in the coffee shop. "I should probably go home, to my mother's, I mean."</p><p>He thought of asking her to stay, but he didn't trust himself or her. "Let me get my keys."</p><p>"No, you've been drinking, and I don't want to have to explain you to my mother."</p><p>He didn't blame her, and he didn't particularly want to meet Mrs. Feeney after what he'd heard about her.  "Let me at least give you bus fare, and a map of L.A."</p><p>"Thank you.  And, Sonny, if you still want to pay for it, I'd like one sleeper compartment with two bunks.  As soon as the doctors say Antonio can leave the hospital."</p><p>He nodded. That was probably for the best, not just for Shirley and Antonio, but for the studio and himself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Shell Shock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne tried to focus on the assembly line.  Although she hadn't let Lenny sleep over since their wonderful nap on Saturday afternoon, she definitely hadn't been getting much rest lately.  With all she had on her mind, and with dates with Lenny Sunday and Monday evening, she had no moments of just zoning out in front of her television, like Squiggy seemed to be doing ever since he got "let go" from Frank's Diner.  He still went to his real job at the brewery, but he seemed to miss the moonlighting.</p><p>For her, Shotz wasn't as much fun without Shirley.  She'd told their supervisor that Shirley was out of town because of a family emergency.  It wasn't a lie, even if Antonio was Laverne's relative, not Shirley's.  For all she knew, Shirley might come back on Friday as Laverne's cousin-in-law.  The two girls would have to discuss their love lives, even if neither of them was even sure of her own.</p><p>Laverne meant what she'd told her father about Lenny, although she had to answer carefully because she was sure Lenny was eavesdropping from the bedroom.  Obviously, she couldn't tell Pop the physical stuff, including what happened in Chicago the previous weekend. But, yeah, it mattered that Lenny could kiss and Lenny could hump, real well, and everything in between.  Without that, he would be a boy who was a friend, not a boyfriend.</p><p>Still, Laverne knew how even kissing could cloud her judgment. She was going to pursue this relationship, but she wouldn't throw herself into it entirely just yet.  She knew if it were up to Lenny, they'd be married by the end of summer and give her father a grandson by next summer.</p><p>At the same time, Lenny seemed thrilled by what they had half a week into their relationship. Not just the sex, although he definitely looked like he was experiencing sheer joy, before, after, and especially during orgasms.  There was pride on his face when he paid for her ticket at the latest <i>Godzilla</i> movie, and when they showed up together at the Pizza Bowl, even if he was a little nervous around Pop. Laverne did her best not to look embarrassed.  Not that she was ashamed of Lenny, but for once she felt shy of all the attention, from him and from the fascinated spectators.  She was grateful she hadn't run into Big Rosie Greenbaum yet.</p><p>She had almost told Shirley when another call came from California last night.  She'd just pulled herself away from necking with Lenny on the sofa.  She could've taken the phone into the bedroom for privacy, but it still felt like too much to get into.  She just hoped no one would tell Shirley before they were able to talk in person.</p><p>Shirley was phoning to say that she and Antonio would be leaving Los Angeles on a train the next morning.  And she gave the details about their arrival in Milwaukee on Friday morning.  Laverne would be at work, but the Pizza Bowl didn't open until noon, so Pop could probably meet them.  Or maybe Edna, since she'd be more discreet.  Definitely not Carmine.</p><p>Laverne suddenly remembered her cutter accident and tried to clear her mind, even as she couldn't help looking forward to meeting Lenny in the break room at lunch like yesterday.  It wasn't like they'd even held hands.  They just ate together and flirted. But even ordinary things felt special with Lenny.</p><p>She reminded herself that if she was going to have a workplace romance, she needed to keep her job.  She pushed thoughts of Lenny away yet again, and did her best to think about nothing but bottles and caps.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Antonio was disappointed that Sonny didn't come to the station to see them off.  They weren't really brothers of course, but the actor had been so kind.  Antonio wanted to thank him once more for that kindness, especially the train tickets.</p><p>Mrs. Feeney was at the station. She was giving Shirley a lot of traveling advice, even though Shirley had taken a train to and from Moose Jaw, Canada, a few months ago, shortly before Antonio met her.  Mrs. Feeney hadn't said much to Antonio beyond get-well wishes.</p><p>Now it was time to board, so Shirley gave her mother a quick hug and said, "I'll write soon, Mama!"</p><p>Then the porter helped them with their bags.  Antonio wished he had two healthy arms so that no one would wait on him and he could carry all the luggage, like a man should.  But the doctor said his arm would take three months to heal, and Antonio was just grateful he was able to travel.</p><p>Shirley was the one with the tickets, so Antonio followed her as she followed the porter.  He wondered how close their compartments were.  He was already looking forward to kissing her goodnight at her door, although hugging wouldn't be as nice with one arm.  They hadn't touched much in California, but then he was lying in a hospital bed most of that time.</p><p>"This is it," the porter said and unlocked a door.  To Antonio's surprise, the man took all the luggage in.</p><p>He was going to correct the porter and explain that he and Shirley weren't married, when Shirley said, "Thank you," and tipped the porter.</p><p>"You're welcome, Ma'am.  Let me know if you folks need anything else."  The porter tipped his hat, closing the door on his way out.</p><p>"Did Sonny make a mistake or did he just not want to pay for two rooms?"</p><p>Antonio was just thinking out loud and definitely didn't expect Shirley to answer, "I asked him for one compartment."</p><p>"But we're not married!  Or even engaged."</p><p>"There are two bunks."  She pointed.  "And I know you're a gentleman."</p><p>He was but he was human, a mostly healthy, young, male human.  He could probably keep his hands off her, especially with one currently useless, but he had less control at night.  He'd dreamed of her in the hospital, more than once, and some of those were sogni bagnati.  If he slept alone, she would never know.  Maybe he could just sleep in the daytime and encourage her to go explore the train then.</p><p>She must've been expecting him to say something, because she said, "If you think it's improper, I can see about getting a seat on the train and sleeping there, although I'd still like to use your bathroom as necessary."</p><p>He was embarrassed about her speaking so frankly about the bathroom.  And he did think it was improper for them to share this small room, even though they wouldn't be sharing a bed.  "Maybe I should be the one to sleep in a seat."</p><p>"That's very chivalrous of you, but I want you to have a bed because of your arm.  And I was in the Army, so I can rough it for a few nights."</p><p>His image of her was a sweet, delicate girl, so different from his cousin the grown-up tomboy.  But he knew that Shirley had a tough, strong side to her, while never losing her femininity.  He loved that about her, charmed by how she was like Doris Day and the other American actresses he used to watch in the little cinema in the big town closest to his village.  But sometimes he wished she came with subtitles.</p><p>"No, you don't have to do that.  But maybe we can take turns sleeping."</p><p>"If that would make you more comfortable."</p><p>"Does your mother approve of us sharing a room?"</p><p>"I didn't tell her.  I'm so used to living my life without her, making my own decisions.  Not that she doesn't still influence me of course."</p><p>Antonio wasn't sure what to say. The girls back home all listened to and lived with their mamas.  None of them would've taken a train with him like this.</p><p>"Do you want to nap now or go explore the train?"</p><p>He offered his available hand, realizing how lucky he was to be there with her.  "Let's explore the train."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Cooped Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny felt torn. Not like in his dream last night where he was Tokyo, and King Kong and Godzilla were ripping him apart, except maybe symbolically.  Here he was lucky enough to have two people in his life who were too good for him.  They both loved him, even if neither was very good at saying it, Squiggy especially.  And Lenny adored both of them.  But how could he be there for Squiggy in the middle of a crisis that Squiggy didn't want to talk about, while spending every free moment with his amazing new girlfriend?</p><p>So that was why Tuesday night, instead of Laverne going out with Lenny and then coming home to kick Squiggy off of the couch and out of the apartment so she could make out with Lenny, she agreed to watch TV with both boys.  It was just like always, except Shirley was on a train with Antonio somewhere in the Wild West, and Lenny got to hold hands with Laverne.  Oh, and Squiggy wasn't himself. 
</p><p>Lenny could deal with Squiggy's anger, but this listless not-quite-depression made Lenny feel helpless and useless.  Squiggy swore he was fine with Lenny dating Laverne, and he had been real happy for them on Saturday.  Things were like usual at Shotz.  And no girl had broken Squiggy's heart lately.</p><p>So the only thing that could be wrong, even though Squiggy insisted nothing was wrong, was Squiggy missed being a waitress.  Lenny didn't know if it was the tips or the attention, or maybe the dressing up like Shirley.  But it wasn't something he felt comfortable bringing up, either when they were on their own or in front of Laverne.  There were times when he would confront Squiggy, like when Carmine told him how dangerous sleep-walking could be, but even then he'd been reluctant.  This time, he figured it could at least wait until after Shirley got back and he had to deal with her reaction to him and Laverne.</p><p>As for Laverne, she was treating Squiggy like Lenny's brother in-law treated Lenny before Lenny moved out, minus the furniture-moving.  That is, Squiggy was sort of like furniture that you didn't buy but it came with the territory of loving someone and you might stub your toe against it but you wouldn't seriously think of getting rid of it because it belonged to the person you loved.  So Squiggy occupied the left cushion of the couch like his ass was sewn to it, while Lenny and Laverne, who were both bigger than him, had to share the right cushion, not that Lenny minded that part.  Other than the inevitable snuggling and hand-holding, they were behaving.  It wasn't like it was a double date and Squiggy had someone to make out with.  And Lenny felt a little spoiled by all he'd gotten to do with Laverne lately, not that he wouldn't always want more.</p><p>There was some minor squabbling over what to watch, with Lenny the reluctant tie-breaker, but Squiggy mostly let the summer reruns flow over him, and Laverne was obviously trying to be a good hostess.  So Bugs Bunny beat Marshall Dillon, and everyone agreed they were sick of <i>Bachelor Father</i>, so they watched <i>Password</i>, even though it made Lenny feel slow and stupid.  (Squiggy would usually yell out bad or obscene clues, but he wasn't bothering that night.)</p><p>The biggest argument came at 8:30, because Laverne had a crush on Leslie Nielsen, star of <i>The New Breed</i>, while Squiggy wanted to be scared by Alfred Hitchcock.  That time, Lenny humbly suggested Dobie Gillis, and his friends indulged him.  And then, out of inertia, they stayed on CBS for Red Skelton.</p><p>Lenny felt like they would go on forever, just like this, and that made him both happy and sad.  But then at 9:30, Squiggy asked, "So when are Shirl and Anchovio getting back?" And Lenny remembered that this uneasy balance was temporary.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Shirley awoke to the announcement that the dining car would be serving dinner for the next two hours.  All meals were included in the price of their tickets, more of Sonny's generosity.</p><p>She still felt guilty about Sonny.  It had been three days and she hadn't even seen him since they kissed.  That was by mutual agreement.  She assumed he was as embarrassed by their temporary madness as she was.  At that, he'd been more sensible than she, although a slightly tipsy Hollywood actor.  Thank goodness she hadn't had any beer.  After all these years, Shotz still got to her.  Heck, cooking sherry could overbalance her.  And then alcoholism ran in the Feeney family, so she usually tried to be careful about what, where, when, and with whom she drank.</p><p>She'd been sensible enough to know better than to drink in the bachelor apartment of a wildly attractive man she'd just met.  But that meant she had only herself to blame, even if she had been jet-lagged and running the gamut of emotions that day.  Yes, it was only one kiss, but she'd wanted to go further.</p><p>She felt like a faithless floozy.  In all the years she had an understanding with Carmine, she had never felt like this.  She had dated other men and kissed many of them, and, sure, Carmine got jealous of a few.  (Including Laverne's cousin Anthony, although that never got past hand-holding, thanks to Carmine paying Lenny to interfere.) But she never felt so much like a cheater.  Was it that Antonio was so old-fashioned and devoted to her, while Carmine was, well, Carmine?  Or was something else going on here?</p><p>When she first saw Antonio and, OK, lusted after him, Edna had reminded her that she had Carmine.  Shirley had resented the reminder, because Edna of all people should understand that it didn't hurt to look.  But maybe her worldly-wise landlady had understood, in a way that Shirley hadn't yet, that this was bigger than a passing attraction. Shirley had gone pretty far pretty fast with Antonio the weekend Laverne was in Chicago.  And she'd cheated on him with a man who looked like an unbroken version of him.  What did that all mean?</p><p>She hadn't told Antonio about the kiss.  The poor man had just gotten out of the hospital.  And she was going to be cooped up on a train with him for three days.</p><p>Except, it looked like they weren't going to be spending much time in this room together. Just like Sonny, he was being more sensible about their attraction than she was.  She was the one who asked Sonny for one compartment and told herself that she'd let whatever was meant to happen happen.  And when she went to Frederick's of Hollywood to buy Laverne a surprise gift, she couldn't help picking up a baby-doll nightie for herself, hoping she'd have the courage to wear it when she slept above Antonio.  He was the one who thought they should sleep in shifts.</p><p>He also insisted that she nap after lunch.  He said that he'd had more time to adjust to the time difference and he'd done almost nothing but sleep in the hospital.  When she worried about him needing her, he said he'd just sit in the observation car and he could signal a porter if he needed anything.</p><p>She wanted to sit and admire the scenery with him, as she had that morning, holding hands and talking about places they'd like to visit someday. But she knew she did need her rest.  She worried that her worries would keep her awake, but the rhythm of the train rocked her to sleep.</p><p>She now yawned and stretched, knowing she wouldn't hit the ceiling.  Since they wouldn't need both bunks, she would just use the lower one, which was easier to get in and out of.  She pictured Antonio's long, strong body lying there that night as she star-gazed.  Then she shook herself and got out of bed.</p><p>She freshened up in the bathroom and then changed into the cutest outfit she'd packed in her Friday evening rush.  She didn't know how formal this dining car would be, but she wanted to look nice for Antonio.</p><p>When she found him with his head pressed against a huge window, he looked rumpled but definitely presentable.  He was wearing dress slacks and a button-up shirt with an arm cut out for his cast.  The candy-stripers clearly had enjoyed helping him get dressed up for his journey with his "fiancée," from his polished shoes to his Windsor-knotted tie.  They giggled a lot and sent her envious but not malicious glances.  They made her feel like the attractive wife of a stunning star, sort of the Joanne Woodward to Antonio's Paul Newman.  But as with Sonny and the starlets at the studio, Antonio stayed focused on her.</p><p>She pushed aside thoughts of Sonny and gently touched Antonio's healthy arm.  "Are you hungry, Sweetie?"</p><p>He turned his head and smiled up at her.  His eyes were nut-brown and trusting, like Buttercup's.  She promised herself that she wouldn't further break him.</p><p>"I can't get over how big and beautiful America is."</p><p>She wanted to say, "I can't get over how big and beautiful you are, inside and out." Instead, she teased, "Is that a no on dinner?"</p><p>"I'm starved," he said in a way that made her feel like she was what he hungered for most, under his gentlemanly surface.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Fox in the Henhouse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was kind of a surprise to come home Thursday night and not find Squiggy camped out on the couch.  Laverne went over to the dumbwaiter and called up, "Boys?"</p><p>"I'm here, Laverne," Lenny yelled down, "but Squiggy's gone out."</p><p>"Oh.  You want me to make ya dinner?"</p><p>"I'll be right down!"</p><p>She had figured they'd go out to dinner, but it would be nice to stay in, especially if Squiggy didn't drop by later.  She just wasn't sure what she had to cook, since she hadn't gotten around to grocery shopping since Shirley left town.  Well, Lenny would probably be happy to run out to the market if she asked.</p><p>She ended up making mac and weenies, with carrots for the veggies, a very orange meal, including the juice.  The Lone Wolf wolfed it down as if he hadn't eaten all day, although she'd seen him eat everything but his lunchbox in the break room five hours earlier.</p><p>She shook her head. "You are a very hungry man, Lenny Kosnowski."</p><p>He leered at her and then leaned over to nibble on her ear, getting cheese all over her lobe.  She would never get used to how he could be disgusting and sexy at the same time.</p><p>One of his hands played with her pinned-up hair, while the other went up the back of the T-shirt she'd changed into before his arrival.  He unhooked her bra and teased her breasts inside, as she started licking his neck.  She hadn't planned to make out in the kitchen, but it felt too good to stop.</p><p>He pulled her onto his lap and even though she was sideways, she could feel him starting to get hard.  "Missed you," he whispered.</p><p>They'd seen each other every day, but she knew what he meant.  "Missed you, too," she told his closest ear.</p><p>One hand squeezed the seat of her shorts.  "I know it's a work night, but couldn't we...?"</p><p>"Let me lock the front door."</p><p>He let go and she leapt off his lap.  He quickly cleared the table and put away the orange juice, as she ran to the front door and did all the locks. She really hoped no one, especially Squiggy, would drop by that evening.  Shirley would be home tomorrow and this might be Laverne's last chance to be with Lenny in her bedroom, maybe ever.</p><p>She didn't want to think about what the next day would bring.  She just wanted to enjoy that night.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Antonio thought at first he was dreaming.  Shirley was in an extremely short white nightgown and she was standing next to his bed, reaching upward and grunting.</p><p>They hadn't stuck to regular sleeping shifts the past couple days.  Instead, whoever was sleepiest would claim the bottom bunk, and then go meet the other person when they were done with the room.  It wasn't a perfect solution, but soon they would be in Milwaukee and figure out how things would work there.</p><p>Neither of them seemed to want to go back to what they had before that first night they kissed.  They would probably date and maybe that would lead to more.  On the train, they limited themselves to mild public displays of affection.  This was nice, but it was hard for him to think innocently of her all the time.</p><p>And now there was this dream or whatever it was.  If it was a dream, then he wanted to stroke one of her bare thighs with his available hand.  Just in case it was real, he held his breath and waited to see what would happen next.</p><p>The train suddenly lurched, loosening the upper bunk that Shirley had apparently been trying to pull down.  It hit her on the head and knocked her down on him, where she hit her head on his cast.</p><p>"Um, sorry to wake you," she said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Spreading Your Wings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lenny lay on Laverne's bed again but this time she was yanking down his jeans and his boxers, before lowering her head over his crotch.  He knew she had pinned up her hair because it was summer, but now it wouldn't get in the way.</p><p>In the six days since they became a couple, she had not yet gone down on him.  She'd offered and he'd been tempted, but he loved "normal" sex with her so much, he hadn't really felt a need to branch out much.  Going down on her was different, because girls needed preparing, even girls as eager as Laverne.</p><p>"Mmm, Len, I like the taste of you down here."</p><p>"Thanks!" he gasped as she licked his dick.</p><p>She was somehow thorough and patient, but also hungry and passionate.  He didn't know how he was going to keep quiet, when he felt like screaming, happily screaming.</p><p>"Can we 69?"  It would help if he could eat her out.</p><p>"Uh uh.  Just you right now." And then she swallowed him.</p><p>He closed his eyes and hoped this would go on forever, and hoped this would be over quick, so he could get back to pleasuring her, like he was supposed to.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Shirley lay on top of Antonio, stunned, and not just from hitting her head twice in one minute.</p><p>"Cara Mia, are you all right?"</p><p>"I'm not sure. Would it be all right if I don't get up just yet?"</p><p>"Stay as long as you need to."</p><p>She didn't want to risk nodding so she just said, "OK."</p><p>She'd tried to resist sleeping at the same time he did, but her sleep schedule was all messed up from travel and stress.  She wanted to sneak in a little nap before dinner, and then either go to the dining car on her own or see if Antonio wanted to accompany her.</p><p>She had been going to change into her pajamas, like before, but he looked so gorgeous in his jockey shorts and undershirt.  Like when she first saw him sleeping on her couch, only now with more skin showing and with one arm in a cast.  So she put on the Frederick's of Hollywood nightie and planned to sleep in the upper bunk, with and without him.  It would be something to think about when she was safely in her own bed at home.</p><p>But the latch to the upper bunk was stuck, no matter how hard she pulled.  Antonio probably couldn't have managed it with one arm, even if he were awake.  It was not a time she wanted to call a porter.</p><p>Then the train threw her at Antonio.  And despite the tingling in her head, this was not a bad place to land.</p><p>He stroked her hair and her scalp carefully.  "No bumps. Do you remember your name?"</p><p>"Shirley Wilhelmina Feeney."</p><p>"And mine?"</p><p>"Antonio DeFazio.  I don't know your middle name."</p><p>"I have three: Roberto Marco Alessandro."</p><p>"That spells ARMADF."</p><p>He chuckled.  "You are still the smartest girl I know."</p><p>She didn't feel very smart right then.  But she was where she wanted to be.</p><p>She took the hand of his healthy arm off of her scalp and kissed it.</p><p>"Sweetness," he sighed.</p><p>"Perfetto," she murmured, making him chuckle.</p><p>And then he was pushing up her nightie, but not with his hand.  His voice was embarrassed on "Scusa, he is un piccolo diavolo."</p><p>"I'm not always an angel," she admitted.</p><p>And then the thighs that stayed stubbornly shut to Carmine and other men she'd made out with spread around the sides of Antonio's jockey shorts.</p><p>"Shirley!" he gasped.</p><p>"She insists on trying to reason with him."</p><p>"Be careful, he can be very persuasive," he warned, but he didn't stop the ensuing dialogue.</p><p>Shirley rubbed herself against his erection, not knowing what she was doing but doing what felt good. He rubbed back as if he couldn't help it, as if he never wanted anything, anyone, more.</p><p>She felt very wet, especially since it was the part of her cycle at the opposite end from her monthly. If she'd been thinking clearly, she would've remembered that she was at her most fertile. (Antonio, as a very sheltered young bachelor, did not understand much about the rhythm method, and he then assumed that the best time to make a baby was during the curse.)</p><p>"They seem to understand each other pretty well," he said in between grunts and groans.</p><p>"I don't know. I feel like there are still barriers to their communication."</p><p>"Then we must remove the barriers."</p><p>So they did.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. The Chicken or the Egg</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne was tempted to make Lenny come in her mouth.  He was so close. But she couldn't help wanting to feel him come in what was already the usual spot.</p><p>She slid him out of her mouth, gave the tip a light kiss, and stood up.  Then she got to her feet and started stripping.</p><p>"Oh, are we gonna 69 now?" he asked eagerly.</p><p>"You really wanna?"</p><p>"Well, it's not that I don't wanna screw, but you're really good at sucking.  Not that you're not good at screwing."</p><p>He would never be a smooth talker, but, as when he asked her to marry him and go to a debutante ball, his compliments were sincere.  And it was a lot easier saying yes to mutual oral sex, at least at this point in their relationship.</p><p>"You're not bad at eating me."</p><p>He blushed. "Thank you.  I like showing how much I love your pussy."  He proceeded to give her several sincere and extremely graphic compliments, until she blushed.</p><p>"Thanks, Len.  I like your tongue and your lips and everything."</p><p>She always felt awkward about giving compliments, even to Randy, who was perfect but humble. Lucky for her, Lenny had such low self-esteem, he could live on the simplest of praise.</p><p>He beamed and said, "Please sit down, Laverne."</p><p>She knew he wasn't suggesting she pull up a chair.  "Can you curl up a little?  We need to compensate for the height difference."</p><p>"It ain't that much.  Antonio is twice as taller than Shirley."</p><p>She really doubted that Shirley and Antonio were doing 69 on the train. Heavy petting maybe, and he did have one arm in a cast.  "Can we not talk about my cousin and my roommate right now?"</p><p>Lenny leered up at her. "I won't talk at all if my mouth is full."</p><p>She knew that wasn't true, but it would change the subject. So she sat.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Antonio knew this was a sin, but he thought God would forgive them. He still wanted to marry Shirley, and maybe she'd be more willing after this. Not that he wanted to talk about that, or anything but how wonderful this all was.</p><p>She had undressed them from the waist down.  She was rubbing herself with his cazzo.  She was soft and wet and becoming more open.  He really wanted to thrust into her, but he knew she needed to be the one to put him in, when she was ready.</p><p>He still wasn't sure if she was a virgin.  She wasn't acting like one, but it would sort of be a relief if she weren't.</p><p>He was caressing her soft, smooth breasts with his one available hand up her nightie.  If they didn't go further than this, he would be frustrated but still grateful.  And it wasn't as this would be their only chance ever.  He could do more when the cast came off.</p><p>Her hands were soft but strong and he loved how she was playing with him.  He lapsed into Italian to convey his love and desire.</p><p>"I want you, Antonio, but I'm a little nervous.  It's my first time."</p><p>"Oh, Tesoro Mia!  We can wait."  It would be very frustrating, but he'd understand.</p><p>"I want you to be my first.  I want you."  She shifted so that the tip of him was against her entrance.</p><p>"Oh, Shirley!" he gasped.  He wished he could look into her baby blue eyes, kiss her sweet lips.  But she was lying with her head on his chest, to the side of his cast.  He truly wished he weren't so much taller than her.</p><p>"You're so big!" she whispered.</p><p>He felt both worried and flattered, although he knew she had no one to compare him to.  "Just go slow, Dolce Stellina, that'll make it easier."</p><p>"Have you, have you been with any virgins before?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Oh."  She sounded disappointed.</p><p>"I've never been with anyone, not like this."</p><p>"Oh, Antonio!"  Her hands guided the tip of him inside her and then slid him out.</p><p>"Is it OK?"</p><p>"I think so.  Can you, can you thrust?"</p><p>"Are you sure?"</p><p>"I want to feel you."</p><p>He carefully pushed his way into her, feeling her flesh move around him.  And then he met a barrier of less giving flesh.  He hesitated.</p><p>She kissed the hand hanging out of his cast.  "Please."</p><p>He pushed through.  He felt her wince.  Then she kissed his hand again.</p><p>"Does it hurt?" he whispered.</p><p>"A little, but it feels good, too."</p><p>He felt guilty but also excited.</p><p>They moved carefully together, and it did get easier.  He loved being surrounded by her and she sighed, "Oh, inside me!" and "Filling me, so deep!"</p><p>They couldn't help getting faster and the rhythm of the train encouraged them.  Her ladylike sighs changed to deep moans and he kept calling her name.</p><p>He squeezed her breast as he spilled up into her and he wasn't sure, but he thought she might've come, too.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Mare's Nest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shirley gazed out at fields, having lost track of where exactly she was. The observation car was less crowded in the evening, and most people were in the dining car or at the snack bar.  She wasn't hungry and she didn't feel like talking to anyone.</p><p>She had lost her virginity to a man she didn't love, although he seemed to love her.  She had done it willingly and had indeed initiated it, no matter how much she might want to blame being hit on the head twice in a minute.  She did it out of curiosity and ignorance, out of lust and affection.  She did not regret it, but she couldn't treat it lightly either.</p><p>Afterwards, she had rested on Antonio, who stroked her hair and told her in English and Italian that she was wonderful.  She called him sweet but didn't say much.</p><p>After awhile, she could tell from his breathing that he had fallen asleep.  She got up carefully and went into their little bathroom.  As she carefully washed herself, she felt sore but also tingly in a good way.  She thought she might've climaxed. She wished she could discuss this with Laverne, or with Laverne's stepmother, but she wasn't sure she could tell anyone what she'd done.</p><p>She was, by her own definition, a floozy.  True, she had been with only one man, and she didn't plan to make a habit of this, but she was definitely no longer trying to save herself for the wedding night. And that faceless groom was looking less like he would be a doctor or other professional. Her mother had in so many words taught her that an intact hymen was her best key to the door of economic advancement, but now Shirley had let a handsome former goatherd take it, without him even asking.</p><p>Would it have been better if she'd been in love? Laverne had thought she was in love when she gave it up to Moose Crenshaw, but that didn't last long. (Either the love or the deflowering, as Laverne later confessed.) Laverne had been in love with Randy Carpenter, and he with her, but fire destroyed that future.  Laverne might even be falling for Lenny Kosnowski, and Shirley wouldn't be entirely surprised if Laverne eventually went all the way with this strange but sweet man who had loved and wanted her for years.</p><p>Laverne was supposed to be the cynic, Shirley the naïve dreamer. That was no longer true, maybe had never been entirely true.  She would never have guessed that she would be the one to separate sex from love.</p><p>Not that she might not fall in love with Antonio.  She had certainly started with a higher opinion of him than Laverne originally had of Lenny.  If it happened, it wouldn't take years.</p><p>But would Antonio wait for her to catch up?  He was so impulsive and romantic.  And she had taken his virginity, even if his body wasn't changed like hers.  She knew that it wasn't like if she had given in to Carmine when they were fifteen and Carmine was still a virgin.  Carmine would've been grateful, but he probably would've respected her less.  And it wouldn't have kept him from being with other girls.</p><p>The truth was, she was starting to wonder how monogamous she was herself.  She'd always assumed that if she ever met Mr. Right, she'd lose interest in other men.  And, yes, she'd "cheated on" Antonio with his lookalike, at a time she had only made out with Antonio himself once.  They had had no commitment, and indeed still didn't.  But it wasn't the act of a woman who only had eyes for one man.</p><p>She'd sort of hoped sex would sort things out for her, but she was more confused than ever.  She wanted to make love with Antonio again, but she wasn't sure if she was being fair to him.  And the situation would be different back in Milwaukee, where their friends would all have opinions on the relationship.</p><p>"Oh, there you are, Cara Mia."</p><p>He was smiling warmly down at her.  He had changed into a T-shirt and jeans, brushed his dark, curly hair.  He was so gorgeous, even more so now that he had shared his long, muscular body with her.</p><p>"Hello, Antonio."</p><p>"How are you feeling?"</p><p>"All right I guess."</p><p>He eased down into the seat next to her, careful not to bump his cast.  He leaned his head towards her and whispered, but it was not sweet nothings.  "I'll talk to Father Gucci as soon as I can."</p><p>"Oh, right, Confession," she murmured guiltily.</p><p>"Well, yes, but I also need to talk to him about our marriage."</p><p>She took a deep breath.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Lenny grinned in his bunk, thinking of the taste and touch of his beloved.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Hen Party</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Edna had had enough of the awkward silence in the car, so she finally asked, "How was California?"  Then she wanted to kick herself, because of course Antonio had spent much of his time in the Golden State doped up in a hospital bed.</p><p>Shirley answered, "The weather was lovely, very warm and sun— and clear."</p><p>"The nurses were very kind."</p><p>"I'm glad to hear it."</p><p>They all fell silent, but this time Edna turned on the radio.  She was trying to tread carefully here, because she wasn't sure what was going on.  She had expected Antonio and Shirley to act like a couple so in love that he had committed a bunch of stupid and impulsive acts, and Shirley had flown to his side and brought him home.  They seemed more like strangers who'd met on a train and exchanged small talk.</p><p>"People, let me put you wise, Sue goes out with other guys."</p><p>Shirley suddenly reached out and turned the dial from the rock &amp; roll station to classical.  Edna had never known Shirley disliked Dion.</p><p>It was a good thing the drive from the train station wasn't longer than it was.  Finally, they got to 730 Knapp Street.  Edna parked the car and then helped her passengers with their luggage.  The three of them made their way up the steps and to the little entryway.</p><p>"Young Lady, I need to talk to you."</p><p>"You're not my father, Mr. Ragusa."</p><p>"Carmine, can you help Antonio upstairs?" Edna interjected, holding out a suitcase.</p><p>Carmine uncrossed his arms and reached for it.  "Oh, yeah, sure."  He didn't direct his anger and disapproval at his roommate but instead offered his other arm to Antonio's healthy one.</p><p>Edna watched the two Italian men, one tall and the other short, carefully make their way up the stairs, until Shirley said, "Edna, do you have a moment?"</p><p>"Of course." She carried Shirley's suitcase down the few steps to the basement, as the girl got out her keys.  It was mid-morning on a Friday, so Laverne was at work.</p><p>They stepped in and Edna set the bag by the door and then shut the door.</p><p>Shirley headed towards the kitchen and asked, "Would you like some coffee?"</p><p>"Yes, thank you."  This didn't seem like it would be just "a moment," but Edna tried to always make time for the girls in the basement, who were like daughters to her.  (Like Barb Feeney, she had four sons before she got a baby girl, but Amy was different and would never lead a life as a full adult, although she did have a part-time job and a very nice boyfriend.)  Of course, Laverne was Edna's stepdaughter, but Shirley was special to Edna, too.</p><p>Edna assumed Shirley wanted to talk about her love life, but it was possible that she wanted to discuss her mother, since that was probably an awkward visit.  Edna would let Shirley start the conversation, and she knew the girl felt comfortable opening up to her.</p><p>"Cream and sugar?"</p><p>"Thank you, yes."</p><p>After a few minutes' chitchat about the weather and the apartment building (but not its tenants), Shirley brought two cups over and handed one to Edna, who this time nodded her thanks.</p><p>"Did you have a nice train ride?" Edna asked, in case they needed more small talk.</p><p>Shirley burst into tears.</p><p>Edna set down her cup next to Shirley's and patted the girl's shoulder. "Sweetie, it's over, whatever happened."</p><p>"I wish it were that simple."</p><p>"Did Antonio...?" Edna hesitated, not sure how to phrase this.  "Did he take advantage of you?"</p><p>Shirley wiped her eyes with her scarf.  "No, <span class="u">I</span> took advantage of <span class="u">him</span>."</p><p>Edna blinked. "You seduced him? On the train?"</p><p>"Yes!"</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Two weepy blue eyes stared at her.</p><p>"Well, he's good-looking and I know you like him, but, well, you're not exactly the kind of woman who seduces men on trains.  Not to mention, he wants to marry you."</p><p>"Yes, but I don't want to marry him."</p><p>"Even after you seduced him?"</p><p>"I know, I'm a floozy!"</p><p>"I wouldn't say that, but I am curious why you'd sleep with a man you don't want to marry, when you've been saving yourself for your wedding night all these years." Edna remembered Shirley three and a half years ago choosing the virginal white of Edna's then five wedding gowns, because, Shirley said, "I've earned it."</p><p>Shirley sighed.  "I'm still trying to figure that out. Yes, Antonio is sexy, but so is Carmine, and other men I've dated.  And, yes, I could've become engaged to Antonio and waited for our wedding night. But I don't love him and I can't marry without love."</p><p>"But you could...?"</p><p>"Well, that's why I think I'm a floozy."</p><p>"Trust me, sleeping with one man does not make you a floozy."</p><p>"Even if I kissed his doppelganger?"</p><p>"You did?" Edna gasped.</p><p>"Yes, I kissed Sonny St. Jacques."</p><p>"Oh, the actor." Laverne had mentioned how the man Antonio was an unsuccessful stunt double for had been very helpful.</p><p>"Yes, right on the lips."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>This time Shirley answered, "I was very confused."</p><p>"Well, so am I."</p><p>"I think, well, I think I've been trying to figure out how I feel about Antonio.  But everything I do just makes me more confused."</p><p>"Does he know you kissed Mr. St. Jacques?"</p><p>"No, I decided it doesn't matter.  I mean, it matters to me, but I'm not going to keep seeing Antonio."</p><p>"I'm sorry, but I don't understand."</p><p>"Antonio wanted to marry me before we, well, were together, and he wants to marry me even more now.  But I don't want to make that sort of commitment.  And he says he can't date me casually because of how he feels.  So much as I like him, it's just not going to work."</p><p>Edna shook her head. "It seems like such a waste."</p><p>"I know, but maybe it's better to end it now, rather than let it drag on."</p><p>Edna thought of how she had married five men she shouldn't have.  Was Shirley being sensible or was she depriving herself?  The question she asked aloud, however, was "So how was your first time?"</p><p>Shirley gulped down some hot coffee and her face turned red, not necessarily in that order.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Terry didn't find her friend in the break room, so she went back outside and discovered her walking along the riverbank, apparently lost in thought. This was unlike Laverne.  Not that Laverne didn't think, but she didn't used to be so reflective and contemplative.  Not that Terry would've put it that way.  She was a simple, hard-working, good-hearted girl.</p><p>She approached her old classmate and coughed.</p><p>Laverne looked up from staring into the Milwaukee River.  "Oh, hi, Terry."</p><p>"Sorry to bother you, Laverne, but I wanted to ask you something."</p><p>Laverne automatically answered, "Shirley will be back on Monday. She had to deal with a family emergency."</p><p>"I'm glad she's coming back." Terry felt like Laverne and Shirley, always in that order, were a set.  She herself didn't have a best friend, or a pack of friends like the Angora Debs.  (She had once pretended to be a Deb, but only to intimidate a bunch of girl hoodlums who had taken over her friends' old club.)  Terry had lots of friends, male and female, but no one she was especially close to.  It took a lot of courage for her to say, "But I wanted to ask you something personal."</p><p>Almost as automatically, Laverne said, "Yes, I'm dating Lenny."</p><p>"Oh, yeah, everyone knows that."</p><p>Laverne blushed.  "Everyone?"</p><p>"Oh yeah, it's real obvious.  And I'm happy for you both.  But I want to talk to you about Squiggy."</p><p>"I'm definitely not dating him."</p><p>Terry couldn't laugh.  "He seems depressed this week.  Did he get dumped recently?"</p><p>"I don't think so.  But what do you care?"</p><p>Terry hesitated.  Squiggy was her old classmate, too, and she could try to pass this off as the concern of a friend.  She'd kept this secret for almost ten years.  But she liked and trusted Laverne, even if Laverne could be gossipy.  "I want him to be happy."</p><p>Laverne smiled and patted Terry's arm.  "You're a real sweet girl, but Squiggy will be fine.  He's just going through some stuff."</p><p>Terry wanted to ask about this "stuff," but the two-minute-warning whistle blew, and the two girls had to hurry back to the brewery.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Horsefeathers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Laverne didn't really know what to expect when she came home from work on Friday, but it was not Shirley setting a nice meal on the table.  She'd been wishing she could make another simple dinner for and with Lenny again.  She'd even daydreamed about what it'd be like to bake Christmas cookies with him, and that was months away.</p><p>"Welcome home, Laverne."</p><p>"Uh, you, too."  Laverne shut the door, stepped down into the living room, and set down her purse.  "You didn't have to cook tonight.  You must be tired from your trip."</p><p>"I'm fine. I took a little nap and I've been home all day.  I had my mother insisting on doing all the cooking, and then on the train I ate in the dining car of course.  You've been working all week and having to cook for yourself."</p><p>Laverne wasn't ready to admit that she'd also cooked for Lenny and a little bit for Squiggy.  She did say, "Well, I went to the Pizza Bowl once or twice."</p><p>Shirley shook her head.  "I hope you haven't been just eating junk while I've been gone."</p><p>Laverne frowned.  Shirley got like this sometimes after listening too much to her mother.  It was sort of like how Laverne's Brooklyn accent deepened after talking with relatives.  It would wear off after awhile, but Shirley would probably pick at her first.</p><p>And Laverne had decided to admit her involvement with Lenny that evening.  If Terry and everyone at work knew, Laverne had to say something before Monday.  Maybe sooner, since someone in the apartment building might blurt it out to Shirley.  If Shirley was in a critical mood, that would make this even tougher.</p><p>As nicely as she could, Laverne said, "It smells delicious."</p><p>Shirley smiled a little.  "Thank you.  I had to go grocery shopping, since it looks like you didn't have time."</p><p>Laverne was not about to say that it had felt more urgent to wash her own bedding after an unplanned bout of 69 last night.  "Well, I sure appreciate it."  Laverne sat down at the table and hoped Shirley wouldn't start talking about table manners.</p><p>Instead, they talked about the weather (in Los Angeles as well as Milwaukee), the brewery, and the sights Shirley had seen from the train.  Laverne waited until she was drying the dishes that Shirley washed before she asked, "How's Antonio doing?"</p><p>"The doctor said his arm should be all healed in three months, although he'll have to visit a local doctor here of course."</p><p>"That makes sense. And, um, how are the two of you doing?</p><p>Shirley kept scrubbing the pan and didn't look up as she said, "There is no two of us."</p><p>Laverne stopped rubbing the dish towel against a fork.  "But he wanted to marry you, and I thought you liked him."</p><p>"I do like him, but he's not exactly Mr. Right."</p><p>"Hello."</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>After Carmine left for the dance studio, Antonio had the apartment to himself. He knew he should go see Uncle Frank at the Pizza Bowl, as well as make his Confession to Father Gucci, but he told himself he would need help on the stairs and he could wait until the next day.  He knew this was a feeble excuse, and he was afraid to face either older man.  Uncle Frank might've been less judgmental than the priest, if the girl Antonio had had his way with weren't virginal Shirley, who was like a second daughter to Frank.  That she had been a very willing, even eager partner by no means lessened the sin.</p><p>If Antonio had wanted help on the stairs, he could've called Aunt Edna.  But he knew he would want to tell that warm, sympathetic older woman everything, including things that would harm Shirley's reputation.  Edna had been married six times, so she probably wouldn't judge him, but she would likely be confused by Shirley refusing to marry the man who had deflowered her.</p><p>Antonio, who had washed off the blood of shattered maidenhood last night, was confused by that, too.  Shirley said she was very sorry but she didn't love him.  He was hurt and baffled by this. Making love to her only deepened his love, no matter the guilt.  How could a nice girl like Shirley give herself to a man with no stronger emotion than fondness?</p><p>She had offered to keep seeing him, in hopes that she'd learn to love him in time, but he'd refused.  What if that never happened? It was bad enough being in a lopsided relationship, but it would be far worse now that he knew what it was like to be inside her.  If he slept with her again, it would further convince him that they must marry.  And if he dated her but didn't sleep with her, he would be physically and emotionally frustrated.</p><p>So he napped and unpacked, with one arm, and watched soap operas.  He made himself a simple lunch and was just starting on dinner when someone knocked. His heart leapt at the thought it would be Shirley, telling him she'd reconsidered.  He'd been very aware all day that she was just a few stories below him, unless she'd gone out.</p><p>"Hey, Anchovio, you home?"</p><p>"Come in, Squidgy." He had missed the strange little man, who in some ways was his best friend in America.  He did not at all blame his friend for encouraging his recklessness.</p><p>He hadn't made up his mind how much to tell Squiggy.  With Carmine, he had simply said, "I want you to know that it is over with me and Shirley, but I am not bitter."</p><p>Carmine had patted his healthy arm and said, "I'm sorry you got hurt for nothing."</p><p>It was not for nothing.  Antonio still loved Shirley and would always treasure the memory of the joy they shared, no matter how it ended.  He appreciated her honesty, knowing she could've pretended love she didn't feel, just to save her reputation and get a husband. He just wished she hadn't had to make that confession.</p><p>Antonio had seen himself as sitting down with Carmine and explaining his feelings for Shirley, and hers for him, and how they never meant to hurt Carmine.  In a letter from Brooklyn a month ago, Cousin Anthony told his almost-namesake how jealous Carmine could be, although Anthony had just flirted and held Shirley's hand.  Indeed, Carmine's anger at Shirley upon their return made Antonio almost glad that Shirley had rejected him. Perhaps if Antonio's arm hadn't been broken, Carmine might've directed his anger towards him.</p><p>As it was, they could continue as roommates with a minimum of awkwardness. Antonio knew better than to tell Carmine of what happened on the train.  Jealousy aside, Antonio knew it was his chivalrous duty to protect Shirley's reputation.  Furthermore, his male pride was at stake and, despite Shirley's assurance that her first time was much better than she ever expected, he couldn't help feeling that if he'd really satisfied her, she'd have fallen in love with him.</p><p>He knew he couldn't tell Squiggy about the lovemaking.  His friend was a gossip, who would tell at least Lenny, who couldn't keep secrets from Laverne.  And Antonio got the impression that Shirley wouldn't tell even her best friend.  Antonio didn't want to cause trouble between the two girls, although he doubted Laverne would judge him or Shirley too harshly for giving in to their passions.</p><p>"So you're back from Sin City," Squiggy observed as he strolled in.</p><p>By now, Antonio was used to his little friend's unusual manner of expressing himself, although Antonio had learned that others referred to Los Angeles that way. He felt like blushing as he thought that it was not until he and Shirley left the City of Angels and were on their way to Cream City that they sinned.</p><p>"Yes, I've come home."</p><p>"So when's the wedding? I've got my monkey suit picked out and I'm ready to throw you a bachelor party."</p><p>Antonio frowned.  "Shirley doesn't want to marry me."</p><p>Squiggy looked stunned and then he said, dangerously quietly, "She doesn't, does she?" Then he stormed out.</p><p>"Wait!" Antonio called after him.  He couldn't follow.  It would take him too long to get down the stairs on his own, and he'd arrive at the basement too late to stop Squiggy. Plus, he was not ready to confront Shirley, although if she called on the telephone or came up to see him, he would talk to her.  He just didn't want to initiate it.</p><p>He sighed and went back to making his simple dinner one-handed.</p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. That Cock Won't Fight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Not for the first time, Shirley would've been grateful for an interruption, if it had been anyone other than Squiggy.  This time, she was sure it had something to do with Antonio, and she really didn't want to discuss the man she'd hurt, especially in front of Laverne.  And then Squiggy said, "Laverne, I need to talk to Shirley.  Go upstairs and play with Lenny."</p><p>"Play?" Shirley repeated. "Is it some kind of game?"</p><p>Squiggy snorted. "Yeah, the oldest game."</p><p>Shirley looked at Laverne for the first time since dinner.  Her best friend was blushing.  "Laverne?"</p><p>"Call up the dumbwaiter when you're done," Laverne said, throwing the dishtowel onto the counter.  Then she ran out, slamming the door behind her.</p><p>Squiggy sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to his.  "Come sit aside me, you poor colluded girl."</p><p>It wasn't much of an invitation, but she accepted it.  "What's this about, Andrew?"</p><p>"It's about how you don't wanna marry Antonio 'cause you always expected to marry someone you've known since childishness."</p><p>"Carmine and I have an understanding, or at least we used to, that we love each other but will never marry."</p><p>"I ain't talkin' about the Big Ragoo."</p><p>She stared at him. "You mean you?"</p><p>"Don't be coy, Woman. I know you've always dreamed of marrying me and having my babies."</p><p>She remembered Laverne reading aloud the "Shirley Feeney" entry in Squiggy's little black book.  "No, my dream has always been to marry a doctor."</p><p>"Yeah, I know you tell everybody that 'cause it's more respectable than pining for a bad boy like me."</p><p>"Speaking of deluded...," she began, before he cut her off.</p><p>"Oh, I ain't pretendin' I don't got feelings for ya, Shirl.  You know I'd still happily pop your cherry and I sorta think of ya as the female me.  You're kinda special to me, which is why I think you need to marry a guy like Antonio."</p><p>She was so relieved he didn't know her virginity was already gone, she didn't bother to interrupt him in turn.  She didn't even speak now, when he paused for her reply.</p><p>"I know you're misappointed.  That's why, even though I was p.o.ed when I first heard you rejected his honorable proposal, and I headed downstairs fully prepared to give you a stern talking-at, by the time I landed on your doorstop, my righteous indignity had cooled.  It ain't your fault that Antonio ain't the man I am."</p><p>She managed to say, "That's true."</p><p>"But he's crazy about you and he'll treat you real nice, even nicer than me."</p><p>"I know."</p><p>"So what's the problem?"</p><p>"Look, Andrew, I know you mean well, but this is a very personal matter."</p><p>"I thought we had the kind of friendship where we could tell each other anything."</p><p>This was another of his delusions.  She used to have a relationship like that with Laverne, before the fateful weekend her best friend went to Chicago on her own.  But now they were both keeping secrets.</p><p>"Sometimes I feel like the male version of you," he said abruptly.</p><p>"What do you mean?"</p><p>"Well, I think if I were a dame, I'd fall for someone like Antonio.  Big and muscley."</p><p>"Oh." She had no idea where he was going with this.</p><p>"But if you're hung up on me, I can't blame ya.  I just gotta wait for Antonio's heart and arm that you broke to heal, and then I'll find him a rebound chick."</p><p>She was going to point out she hadn't broken Antonio's arm, but maybe she had indirectly.  So she just said, "You're a good friend, Squiggy."</p><p>"Yeah, I am." He stood up and reached into the pocket of his jeans.  He took out his wallet and handed her a twenty-dollar bill.  "To show there's no hardened feelings, you can put this towards your dowelry."</p><p>She sat there stunned on the couch until a minute after he left.  Then she ran into the kitchen and flung open the door to the dumbwaiter.</p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>....</p>
</div><p>Lenny was doing the dishes by himself when someone knocked. After dinner, Squiggy had insisted on going by himself to welcome Antonio home. Lenny was still jealous of that friendship, but he hoped that seeing Antonio would cheer Squiggy up.</p><p>Lenny wasn't expecting any visitors himself. He understood that the girls had a lot to catch up on and he had promised Laverne that he wouldn't drop by until tomorrow.  So it was a very pleasant surprise to hear Laverne call his name.</p><p>"Come on in, Laverne," he said as he turned off the faucets.  He hoped she wouldn't mind a hug with soapy hands, but when he saw her face, he knew she was not in a hugging mood.  He would've apologized, but he didn't know what he'd done wrong.</p><p>She slammed the door.  "Well, Shirley knows about us "</p><p>He felt like crying into the dishtowel as he dried his hands.  "And she don't approve?"</p><p>"I don't know how she feels.  Squiggy told her as he was kicking me out of my own apartment."</p><p>"And you just went without a fight?"  That didn't sound like the Laverne he knew.</p><p>"I'm too mad to fight, with both of them."</p><p>"Why are you mad at Shirley?"</p><p>"After all that with Antonio, she's not even dating him anymore."</p><p>"Oh! That must be why Squiggy wanted to talk to her."</p><p>"I guess, and I kinda want him to yell at her for hurting Antonio, but I feel like I should do it because I'm family."</p><p>"Well, if she don't wanna date him no more, she shouldn't have to."</p><p>"I know, but I feel like she led him on, especially by flying out to California."</p><p>Lenny stopped himself from saying that maybe Antonio had made a mistake by wanting to marry Shirley too soon, or at least in admitting it. Lenny had known Laverne much longer, but he still feared scaring her off by proposing to her.</p><p>"And then, I was hoping me and Shirley could discuss our relationships, but Squiggy sent me up here, telling me to 'go play with' you.  Like you and me are just foolin' around."</p><p>He wanted to ask what they were doing, but he was scared of that, too.  "Shirley knows that's just his way of puttin' things."</p><p>Laverne shook her head. "It's all such a mess."</p><p>"You girls just need to talk it out," Lenny said, even as he thought about all he and Laverne weren't discussing.</p><p>"I guess."</p><p>He opened his arms and she stepped into them.  He held her close, stroking her back and her hair, murmuring, "It's gonna be OK."</p><p>After awhile, they kissed.  Softly at first, and then with more intensity.  He was going to suggest they adjourn to the upper bunk, or at least a chair, when he heard Shirley calling through the dumbwaiter.</p><p>"Laverne, please come back.  We need to talk."</p><p>Lenny and Laverne pulled apart and he nodded, wanting to be understanding, even though he was starting to get hard.</p><p>"Be right there, Shirl!" Laverne yelled over her shoulder.  Then she stroked Lenny's cheek and whispered, "Len."</p><p>The tender gesture almost made him swoon, but a moment later she was gone to face her roommate.  His own roommate was probably on his way back, and Lenny hoped that the two most important people in his life wouldn't fight on the stairs.</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Brooding</h2></a>
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    <p>A month later, Laverne woke to the sound of vomit.  She called out to Shirley, who was unable to reply at the moment.  So Laverne got out of bed and went over to knock on the bathroom door. "Shirl?"</p><p>"It's unlocked," Shirley managed to say.</p><p>Laverne opened the door and saw Shirley kneeling next to the toilet, but not hovering over it.  The puking part seemed to be over. "You got the flu?"</p><p>Shirley wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "I don't think so."</p><p>Laverne had a theory which she wasn't yet ready to verbalize.  She helped Shirley clean herself up and then said, "Go lie down.  I'll take care of the bathroom."</p><p>"We're going to be late for work."</p><p>"I'll call in sick for both of us." There was no way Laverne was abandoning her best friend in her hour of need.</p><p>Shirley looked like she wanted to object, but she also looked dizzy, so she staggered back to bed.</p><p>Laverne scrubbed down the bathroom and then took a shower.  She wrapped herself in a towel and went back to bed, but this time she sat facing the other bed. Shirley's eyes were closed but she didn't seem to be asleep yet.</p><p>"Shirl, we need to talk.  It doesn't have to be this moment, but I'm not leaving this apartment until we talk about what you're going through."</p><p>The still innocent blue eyes opened. "It was only once, I swear."</p><p>Shirley had told Laverne about having sex with Antonio on the train.  She hadn't gone into detail, just as Laverne had confessed that she'd gone all the way with Lenny but spared Shirley the nitty-gritty.  Laverne hadn't asked if they'd used protection, or where in Shirley's cycle it was.  But she had had time in the bathroom this morning to do the math.</p><p>"Once is enough.  And I think it's been a month and a half since you got your period, right?"</p><p>"Yes, and I was ovulating a month ago.  Oh, Vernie, I feel so stupid!"</p><p>"You're not the first girl to get carried away.  And we don't know that you're in trouble.  But we need to think this through."  Laverne well remembered her own pregnancy scare, although then she hadn't even known if she'd gone all the way, or much about the possible father. Shirley knew Antonio and knew exactly what she'd done with him.</p><p>"If I tell Antonio, he'll insist on marrying me, but how can I not tell him?"</p><p>"Shirl, I understand why you don't want to rush into anything, even now, but I just don't get why you dropped him like a hot potato after doing it.  Was he that bad?"</p><p>Shirley blushed.  "He was good," she whispered.  "I mean, I have nothing to compare it to, but I was satisfied."</p><p>Laverne waited to see if Shirley was going to elaborate, but she didn't.  It was probably just as well, since Laverne felt funny hearing about her cousin's sex life. "So what is it?  Is it that he's not a doctor?"</p><p>"No, I obviously haven't just dated professional men. And I did think about marrying Ensign Benson.  And I love that Antonio works with animals."  (The zoo had been understanding about his accident and had found tasks for him to do one-handed.)</p><p>"OK, and I know you don't got nothing against Italians."</p><p>Shirley blushed again, probably thinking of Carmine, so Laverne asked, "Is it because of Carmine? I mean, you two were together a long time and he is Antonio's roommate."</p><p>Shirley sighed. "I'll admit that Carmine's jealousy and disapproval complicated things. But maybe it also has to do with another man."</p><p>"What other man?" Laverne demanded.</p><p>"Well, I told you how helpful Sonny St. Jacques was."</p><p>Antonio's lookalike, the actor. "Oh my God, you're in love with Sonny St. Jacques!"</p><p>"Not at all. But I liked him enough to kiss him when poor Antonio was lying in the hospital.  I'm a no-good, cheating floozy!"  Shirley covered her face. </p><p>Laverne stared at her. It was not that Shirley thought that Laverne's cousin wasn't good enough to be a boyfriend. It was that Shirley thought that she didn't deserve to be the girlfriend of a good man like Antonio.</p><p>"What did he say when you told him about kissing Sonny?"</p><p>Shirley's "He doesn't know" was partly muffled by her hands and tears.</p><p>Laverne stood up and started getting dressed.</p><p>Shirley peeked through her hands. "What are you doing?"</p><p>"I'm going out."</p><p>"Now?"</p><p>"Just for a little while. You rest."</p><p>By the time Laverne slipped out of the apartment, Shirley was napping.</p>
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</div><p>Antonio had gotten used to his cast by now, just like his broken heart.  His arm would be all healed in another couple months and maybe then he would agree to let Carmine fix him up with girls. He would be more cautious about giving his heart next time, but there was no reason he couldn't go out and have fun.</p><p>Carmine had later hours than Antonio, one of many differences between a dance studio and a zoo.  But Antonio had learned how to perform his morning tasks without disturbing his roommate. So Antonio was annoyed when someone knocked right before he was about to leave for work.  He answered it as quickly as he could, before Carmine could fully wake up.</p><p>"Laverne? What's going on?" Antonio whispered.</p><p>"I need to talk to you," she said at a normal DeFazio volume.</p><p>"Laverne?  You know not everybody works in the morning," Carmine said irritably.</p><p>She rolled her eyes and gestured that Antonio should come out into the hallway.  He did, gently shutting the door after him.</p><p>"What did you want to talk about?"</p><p>He kept whispering, and now she whispered back, "Do you still love Shirley?"</p><p>He groaned in frustration.  "Piccola Cugina, leave it."</p><p>"I can't.  And if you love her, you need to talk with her, really talk."</p><p>"I, I'll be late to work."</p><p>She half smiled.  "You can use my phone to call in sick."</p><p>He hesitated and then nodded and let her help him down the stairs.  He'd been making this trip on his own for almost a month, but that morning he welcomed her support.</p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?</h2></a>
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    <p>When Shirley awoke again, her stomach felt better.  She carefully sat up. Just as she was wondering when Laverne would be back from wherever she'd vanished to, Shirley became aware of soft voices in the living room. She couldn't tell what they were saying, and she wasn't sure who they were, but she assumed one of them had to be Laverne.</p><p>Then she realized that the other person must be Edna. Of course, Laverne had gone to get her wise and kind stepmother.  Edna would guide them through this crisis.</p><p>Shirley didn't bother to put on her robe and slippers.  She eagerly went out to the living room in just her pajamas. Then she stopped short at the sight of the man on her couch.</p><p>"Hello, Shirley," he said quietly.</p><p>Instead of replying, she snapped at Laverne, "You told him?"</p><p>"All I said is you two need to talk."</p><p>"Ha! That's rich coming from you."</p><p>Laverne got to her feet and put her hands on her hips. "And what's that supposed to mean?"</p><p>"Just that you seem to be the last person to realize you're in love with Leonard Kosnowski."</p><p>Laverne's mouth opened and shut, then opened again, like she was a guppy. Then she looked over at her cousin, like she expected him to contradict Shirley. He gave her a sheepish, sympathetic look, like he was reluctantly admitting the truth that Laverne denied.</p><p>Laverne closed her mouth, grabbed her purse, and ran out the front door without another word.</p><p>She'd left Shirley and Antonio alone together for the first time since they talked in the observation car the night before their return. Part of Shirley was disappointed that Laverne wouldn't be there, as mediator or buffer.  But part of her was relieved, because without Laverne pushing them, Shirley could just ask Antonio to leave. He probably didn't want this conversation any more than she did.  But she knew she needed to have this difficult talk.</p><p>"Have you had breakfast yet?"</p><p>"Yes, my day starts very early. But you go ahead, don't mind me."</p><p>"I'm not hungry." She wasn't ready to tell him about her nausea.</p><p>He looked at her, as if waiting for her to either send him away or sit next to him, and she didn't want to do either, not yet.</p><p>"Aren't you going to be late for work?"</p><p>"Laverne had me call in sick, after she called in sick for both of you. I said my arm was bothering me."</p><p>She felt a by now familiar stab of guilt.</p><p>Misreading her face, he said, "Laverne didn't tell me anything. She just said she wanted to knock our heads together but she'd try to let us talk it out.  But if you don't want to talk, I can go."</p><p>"No, please stay." She knew he might hate her after she told him one of her secrets, but he wouldn't understand the other without it. "I should've told you this weeks ago, but I didn't have a good explanation. I still don't."</p><p>He frowned, like he was afraid of what she'd say, but then he said, "Please just tell me."</p><p>There was no good way to lead up to it, so she blurted out, "When you were in the hospital, I kissed Sonny!"</p><p>To her surprise, he laughed in relief.  "Of course, you were grateful.  So you gave him a little kiss on the cheek, yes?"</p><p>She couldn't give him that false comfort, much as she was tempted to. "It was on the lips and it was in his apartment. And it might've led to more if he hadn't stopped it."</p><p>He frowned and said quietly, "Oh. You kissed a man who looks like me."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Because I wanted to kiss and do more with you but you hurt yourself to be with me."</p><p>"Shirley, please sit down."</p><p>She hesitated but then sat on the other side of the couch.  His long, healthy arm reached out to stroke her hair.</p><p>"Cara Mia, I love you."  She flinched but didn't move away from his big, gentle hand. "I wish my love didn't scare you, but I can see why it would.  I fell hard and rushed around doing stupid things."</p><p>She turned her head and kissed his palm.</p><p>Now he stroked her face. "I can see why you didn't tell me about Sonny. After all those years with Carmine, you think Italian men are jealous and possessive. And Uncle Frank has a temper.  But I'm not like that."</p><p>"No, you're sweet and gentle.  I don't deserve someone as kind and understanding as you."</p><p>"Why? Because you've kissed other men? I'm the only one you've voe-dee-oh-doed."</p><p>She burst out laughing and when she looked up at him, he was grinning. She wanted to kiss that grin and ask him to go steady. But then she remembered what else she had to tell him.</p><p>She held his hand against her cheek and said, "Yes, about that...."</p>
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</div><p>Lenny was lost in a daydream of nursing Laverne back to health this coming weekend. Not that he'd ignore Shirley of course. It was just as easy to make chicken soup for one person as for two. But, as always, he would focus on his beloved.  He was just wondering if it would be a good idea to bring flowers to a sneezing woman, when his best friend almost hit the most amazing person in the world with a beer truck.</p><p>Squiggy braked hard and swore loudly. Then he muttered, "Dizzy dame, what the hell is she thinkin'?"</p><p>Lenny looked at the woman shaking a fist at Squiggy.  "That's Laverne!"</p><p>"Yeah, I can see the L on her."</p><p>The light was still green, so the car behind them honked. Lenny gestured that Laverne needed to get out  of the crosswalk for her own safety.  She came around to his side of the truck. He opened the door, planning to talk to her and maybe get out, but before he knew it, she was climbing into the cab and onto his lap. Squiggy peeled out, cussing out the honker, before the door was even closed.</p><p>Laverne threw one arm around Lenny's neck, while she leaned over to slam the door shut. Lenny clung tightly to her, and not just because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.</p><p>"Uh, I heard you and Shirley called in sick with the flu."</p><p>"Shirley ain't feelin' too hot, so I was gonna stay home and look after her.  But I got a friend to take care of her."</p><p>Squiggy sympathetically said, "Morning sickness, huh?"</p><p>Both Laverne and Lenny stared at him. Lenny expected her to tell Squiggy how ridiculous and insulting it was to say that Shirley Feeney could be in trouble.</p><p>"How did you know?" Laverne whispered, like someone could overhear them in a moving vehicle.</p><p>"She's been lookin' kinda puffy around the face and chest."</p><p>"Shirley is gonna have a baby?" Lenny whispered.</p><p>Laverne kissed his cheek. "I don't know, Len. It's still too early to be sure."</p><p>"But if she is, is she gonna marry Antonio?"</p><p>"I don't know that either. I left them to talk about it. I needed to talk to you."</p><p>"Len, you better not have knocked up Shirl."</p><p>Lenny didn't know if Squiggy was protecting Antonio's turf or his own, because of the old agreement that they would respect each other's claims on the girls. Lenny wasn't offended, because he would be violently jealous if Squiggy had knocked up Laverne.</p><p>"Don't be stupid!" Laverne snapped. Then she more tenderly said, "Shirl said I'm the last to know I'm in love with you, Len."</p><p>"Yeah, that's what Terry thinks."</p><p>This time, Laverne seemed to decide to ignore Squiggy. She shifted so that she could whisper right into Lenny's ear in a way that he felt go down and up his spine. "I think I have known for awhile though. It's just I've been scared to admit it."</p><p>"Because of Randy?" Lenny asked softly, stroking her back.</p><p>"Yeah, partly. I'm unlucky in love, but not just romantic love. I loved my mom like crazy.*</p><p>Lenny knew exactly what she meant, although his mother might still be alive somewhere. That she'd been a much worse mother than Laverne's had never eased the loss or the longing.  "I know, Darling," he murmured, rubbing circles on Laverne's back.</p><p>"But I'm not scared of you, Len. You know how to help me face the world, just by being you. So I think you can help me face being in love with you."</p><p>Lenny couldn't help loudly exclaiming, "Then you will marry me?" He forgot how close her ears were or that Squiggy was sitting right next to them.  He also forgot that he hadn't actually proposed to her lately, although he'd been asking with his body for over a month.</p><p>"Great," Squiggy muttered, "now I gotta throw two bachelor parties." Lenny knew this was Squiggy's way of saying, "Congratulations, it's about time."</p><p>Instead of telling Lenny, "I'd be honored to be your wife," or similar, Laverne told Squiggy, "Suck it up, Buttercup," and started necking with Lenny.</p><p>Lenny, no stranger to making out in front of Squiggy, of course returned his fiancée's affections. He tuned out Squiggy's delighted grumbles, and somehow Shotz Brewery's most easily distracted truck-drivers completed their appointed rounds.</p>
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<a name="section0035"><h2>35. To Keep His Pants Up</h2></a>
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    <p>Antonio DeFazio smiled at his wife, who was barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. She was sitting at the table, writing in a notebook.</p><p>"A new poem, la mia bellissima scrittrice?" he asked.</p><p>She looked up guiltily. "Oh my gosh, I forgot to feed the kids!"</p><p>"I took care of it."</p><p>She smiled at him, showing off her cute dimples. "You're so thoughtful."</p><p>He shrugged. "It's part of my job." He meant both that it was one of his husbandly duties to be thoughtful and that of course he had to see that the baby goats, as well as the other animals, were taken care of.</p><p>As a wedding present, Sonny had offered them the money they needed to start up a petting zoo.  Antonio had insisted it be a loan, so Sonny agreed but was charging them only one percent simple yearly interest. The zoo was just outside Milwaukee city limits and did very good business with tourists and locals.  Antonio knew things would slow down in the winter, unless he could rent reindeer and he didn't know if they liked to be petted.  For now, it was summer and the newlyweds were very busy, although she still stole time to write poetry about nature and love.</p><p>She got carefully to her feet. The doctor said she was on the cusp of the second and third trimesters.  Antonio understood her cycle better than he had last summer, the way her eggs worked. This was the same doctor that explained to them last fall that stress could cause the symptoms of a pregnancy scare, from a late period to nausea.</p><p>Antonio and Shirley were going steady then.  They limited themselves to necking even through the engagement, so of course she got pregnant on their honeymoon.  But they were both happy about it, despite the teasing of their friends and family.</p><p>The first time she told him she might be expecting, he was very confused, including about her insistence that she wasn't ready to marry him. They'd considered other solutions, including him raising the baby back home in Italy. But in the end, there was no baby, that time.</p><p>They now had lots of fur babies to dote on, as well as the cute little children that passed through six days a week. But this baby would be special. If it was a girl, they'd call her Laverne, but a boy would be Antonio Jr. of course. (They were able to joke about nicknaming him Sonny.)</p><p>Shirley wrapped her arms around her husband, resting her head over his heart.  He stroked her stomach, thinking how happy he was.</p><p>Then she asked, "Did you know twins run in the Feeney family?"</p>
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</div><p>Antonio's cousin was also barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen that summer morning, although in her case it was six hours rather than six months. She had been bare-assed, too, six minutes ago, but then she wriggled into her Saturday panties and decided to make a quick breakfast.</p><p>She tried to be quiet, but her husband was drawn to her and food like one of Squiggy's pets to a flame.  He appeared in the bedroom doorway with bedhead, a dopy grin, and a scrumptious bulge at the front of his Bullwinkle pajamas.</p><p>She managed to ask, "How do you want your eggs?"</p><p>"One scrambled and one hard-boiled."</p><p>"Hello."</p><p>By now, she knew she should lock the front door more, but she had hoped that Squiggy getting married himself would be a distraction. It just meant that he usually dragged his understanding wife with him to the basement.</p><p>"Hi, Laverne. Hi, Len," Mrs. Squiggman yawned.  She was in a T-shirt and jeans but had a recently-laid glaze on her face, like she so often did. ("Scaling Everest" was what Laverne had overheard Squiggy call it to Lenny after the deflowering.) "Sorry to intrude."</p><p>"You're not intruding," Lenny said, backing into the bathroom to look more presentable.</p><p>"See? I told you, Sugar Hips, they adore us."</p><p>Laverne shook her head and put her apron on over the Bullwinkle pajama top. "How do you want your eggs, Terry?"</p><p>"Oh, you know me, Laverne. I'm not fussy."</p><p>Laverne bit her tongue. After almost a year, she was still baffled by Terry and Squiggy's relationship.  Sometimes she thought it was Squiggy's unspoken loneliness after Lenny and then Antonio got married. But she also knew it had to do with the night the six of them went to the Buttered Cocoon so Shirley could read her poem about a train winding its way along a track, while life took unexpected detours but got you where you needed to be in the end.</p><p>The next week, and for several subsequent weeks, Squiggy and Terry went back. Laverne caught their act a couple times, and it consisted of Squiggy doing his Hedy the Surly Waitress routine, while Terry played the bongos.  The beatniks ate it up, like it was the coolest thing they ever saw. And from then on, Squiggy and Terry were a couple.</p><p>As Lenny reemerged with her green robe over his lanky, horny body, Laverne thought that maybe every couple seemed strange from the outside. And she reached into the refrigerator and got out an extra carton of eggs, just as Carmine dropped by with Rosie Greenbaum.</p>
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